Olivia
by Tipperose
Summary: Olivia Barlow falls in love with Caledon Hockley and eventually marries him. She thinks she has found happiness but she soon finds out that some things are never as they seem.
1. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

October, 1912

"What a wonderful day, Emma." Olivia Barlow said as she sat down at the dressing table in her suite. She glanced at herself and decided she liked what she saw. At eighteen, she was just coming into her own. She had grown taller and slimmer over the summer and she even thought she had gotten prettier. Cool, blue eyes were framed by dark, thick lashes and her ashen blonde hair framed her face and fell to her waist in soft waves. She flipped it forward over her shoulder and began to brush it, curling it around her fingers every so often.

"What are you so happy about?" Fourteen year-old Emma grumped from her bed.

"Need you even ask?" she laid the brush down and turned to her sister. "Caledon Hockley is coming to see me today. He is so handsome and debonair. Every girl thinks so."

"Caledon Hockley?" her sister threw back the blankets and slid from the bed. "I don't like him. He gives me the willies."

"Oh pooh! Every man gives you the willies. You're such a child. When are you going to grow up?" Olivia shook her head and resumed brushing her hair.

"Never!" Emma stuck her tongue out at her older sister. "I like being a child. Grown ups have no fun. It's always, 'do this' and 'do that' and you have to act so silly to get a man to notice you. Who cares anyway?"

"I care, that's who." Olivia stood and spun herself around. "Caledon Hockley is no ordinary man, Emma. He's one of the wealthiest men in Philadelphia Society. He's the catch of the town and he's coming to see me!"

"He's so old though." Emma rubbed her eyes.

"He's not old, he's mature. Besides, twenty-six is not old."

"I'm never getting married." Emma declared. "I'm not going to have a man tell what to do."

"If you weren't such a child, you would understand how silly that sounds. Haven't you paid attention to mother and father at all? Mother lets him think he's making all of the decisions, but really it's her. She gets what she wants and he gets what he wants. That's the way my marriage is going to be. When I get married, that is."

Olivia walked to the window and pulled back the white, lace curtain to look down on the neatly manicured lawn that was several acres in width. She smiled wistfully as she imagined she and Cal walking along the path down to the pond. She would take his arm and he would hold her hand. When she looked up at him she would smile and he would fall madly in love with her. She already was with him and she had only talked to him once. When her parents told her that he had asked to call on her, she almost fainted with happiness.

She also knew that it had only been six months since he had lost his fiancée on the Titanic. But, her love for him would heal any pain he still may feel from that. While she was sad for his loss, she knew that she was better suited for him than Rose Dewitt Bukater.

Olivia and Rose had grown up in the same circles and went to the same schools, but she couldn't say that they were more than acquaintances most of the time. Rose was always different and Olivia never understood her. She always seemed to be unhappy and discontent with everything.

Once, Rose's family was having a party and Olivia was on her way to the powder room to freshen up when she saw Rose and her mother in a heated conversation on the balcony. One of the glass doors was partially opened so she stepped closer to hear what it was about. She knew she was eavesdropping and if she had been caught she would have been mortified, so she pretended to look in her purse while listening to what was being said.

"I don't care, Mother. You can't make me." Rose snapped hotly.

"I can and I will. Do you understand me, Rose?" Ruth's cool voice countered. "This is very important and I won't allow you to destroy the only chance we may have."

"I don't care about any of that. This is my life and I don't want to be forced to do something that I don't want to do."

"We all make difficult choices, Rose."

"You're not giving me a choice. You're making me do this! Don't you even care about what I want?"

Ruth's tone changed then. "Of course, I do. I want you to be happy, darling. And you will be if you'll just do this. This is the best thing for everyone."

"Everyone? Don't you mean you, Mother?"

Olivia peeked through the opening to see Rose walk to the balcony and cross her arms tightly. It was plain Rose was upset about something, but Olivia still couldn't discern what the conversation was about.

"I wish I could just leave here." Rose said in a low voice. "I wish I could fly away and never be found again. Then I could live my life the way I want."

"Don't be ridiculous, Rose." Ruth scolded. "Now, come… We're going back in and I won't hear anymore talk of running away. Remember what I said and smile, Rose, you look so much prettier when you do."

In a few moments the two women were headed for the doors and Olivia hurried away so as not to be caught. Later, when she thought of the conversation she had overheard between Rose and her mother, she couldn't help but wonder what they were arguing about. She wondered why Rose would want to run away. Was her life that bad? Even after she had become engaged to Cal she didn't seem happy and that was something Olivia couldn't understand. If she were engaged to Caledon Hockley, she would be the happiest girl in the world.

A few hours later Olivia stood in front of the full length mirror in her room. She reached behind her to tighten the sash on her dress. It was white organza trimmed in lilac lace. It was one of her prettiest dresses and she hoped Cal thought so, too.

There was a tap at her door and then her mother, Constance, came in smiling approvingly at her appearance.

"Very nice, Olivia. Mr. Hockley should be quite taken when he sees you."

"Do you really think so, Mother?"

"Yes darling, I do." She nodded and took her hands. "Now, I want to talk to you before you go downstairs."

"Okay, Mother." Olivia said as they sat on the trunk at the end of her bed.

"As you know Mr. Hockley suffered a great loss when he lost his fiancée on the Titanic. It was a tragic thing, but he has managed to survive and after a period of grieving has asked to call on you. I think you should realize how fortunate you are to be in this position."

"Fortunate?"

"Yes, fortunate. He could have asked to call on any one of very beautiful and eligible young ladies, but it was you he chose."

"I have thought of that, Mother and I have a very good feeling about all of it. I'm sorry he lost Rose, but he has to think of his future and I, for one, hope his future is with me."

"I was hoping to hear you say that, darling. Your father and I have discussed this and Caledon Hockley is the kind of man we had envisioned for you. He's everything a well brought up young man should be. Handsome, kind, well traveled and from a good family."

"I know you're right, but still I wonder…"

"About what, Olivia?"

Olivia stood and walked back to the full length mirror and looked at herself again. She knew it may have seemed foolish but she couldn't help but compare herself to Rose. Rose may have been different but there was no denying her beauty and there was a certain glimmer about Rose that Olivia knew she didn't have.

"What are you concerned about, darling?" Constance came up behind her.

"What if Cal doesn't see me as he… well, as he saw Rose?"

Her mother smiled reassuringly at her. "Olivia, you need not compare yourself to Rose DeWitt Bukater. You are an exceptional person and I'm sure Mr. Hockley will see this in you."

"I hope you're right."

"I know I am. Now, we've kept him waiting long enough so let's go down and remember Olivia… you are a Barlow and that makes you very, very special."

Feeling better about the situation, Olivia followed her mother across the spacious hallway and down the long, spiral staircase. Just before they came to the parlor her mother stopped at the door.

"I have a few things to check on and I'll be in directly. Your father is already with Mr. Hockley so you go on in. Don't worry about anything, Olivia, you'll be just fine."

Taking a deep breath after her mother walked away, she opened the door to the parlor and walked in. When she did, both her father and Cal stood to their feet. She smiled when she saw him. He was just as handsome as she remembered. With his dark good looks and the grey wool suit that was tailored to fit him perfectly, he was the epitome of what she always thought the man of her dreams would be like.

"Well there you are, Olivia." Her father boomed. "I thought we were going to have to send out a search party for you."

"Oh, Father," Olivia laughed and came further in the room.

"Miss Barlow," Cal smiled and bowed his head. "You look exceptionally lovely today."

"Thank you, Mr. Hockley." She felt warm tingles when he took her hand and kissed it.

"Your father and I were just discussing how beautiful your home is and how nice it would be to take a walk on your grounds. That is, if you would oblige me."

Her father's chest protruded as he smiled broadly. "I think that's a fine idea and I'm sure Olivia would be more than happy to. Wouldn't you, Olivia?"

Olivia blushed under her father's enthusiastic response. "Of course I would."

"Shall we?" Cal lifted his arm toward her. When she stepped next to him she lost her breath for just a moment. She so wanted this man to fall in love with her and at that moment she would have followed him anywhere.

They stepped out onto the patio and made their way down to the path. The sun shone brightly overhead and filtered through the trees above them. The crunch of the leaves beneath her feet was a comforting sound to her. She felt his arm warm and hard beneath her hand. She never wanted this moment to end.

"So Olivia, your father tells me that you only made your debut at the beginning of the summer. You must have had many an invitation to only the best select parties."

"Yes, I have. It has been a wonderful time but I'm just as happy to be here walking with you as any party I've been to."

Cal stopped and stared down at her, a smile on his handsome features. "Sweet," he said as he touched her cheek. Then something like a scowl came over his face and she wondered if she had been too bold.

"I shouldn't have said that."

He shook his head. "Nonsense. I apologize for making you uncomfortable. It wasn't what you said, it was just a memory I had. A rather painful one."

"You mean about… Rose?"

A flash of darkness covered his face but it just as quickly it was gone. "Yes, I'm sorry for that. I shouldn't have spoiled our afternoon."

"No, you didn't. It's quite alright. You cared for her and I understand that."

Cal jutted his chin out and turned from her for a moment. "I thought she cared for me too, but in the end…"

Olivia was at a loss for words. What was Cal saying? What had happened between he and Rose before her death? She suddenly felt like an intruder and it was only the two of them there. Confused and unsure of what to do, she placed a hand on his arm. He glanced down at her and took a deep breath.

"Forgive me. This is no time for sad memories. Shall we return and have the delicious lunch your parents had prepared for us?"

She nodded, feeling better that his dark mood had disappeared. "Yes, that would be lovely." She took his arm again as they made their way back to the house. The afternoon went wonderful and Cal was everything she had hoped for and more. Before, she had only imagined herself in love with him, but now she knew it. And, it was the most marvelous feeling in the world.


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

November, 1912

The soft music drifted through the large ballroom as the dancers swirled in a sea of colorful array. These were the elite, the cream of Philadelphia Society and they were there to celebrate the engagement of Olivia Barlow to Caledon Hockley.

If Olivia were any happier she would literally float away. Her eyes glowed from the happiness and love she felt for Cal. He was the perfect man for her. At that moment she saw him walking across the edge of the dance floor as he made his way to her. He wore his black tuxedo and looked so handsome she couldn't believe that he was actually going to be her husband.

"There you are, sweetling. I wondered where you had gotten off to," he said as he bent and kissed her cheek.

"Mother has me practically talking to everyone here. She's over there discussing with Madeline Carter our trip to Paris for our honeymoon."

"Perhaps she'll be occupied for a bit. Why don't we go outside for a breath of fresh air?"

"I'd like that. It is getting rather stuffy in here."

Together they made their way to the large portico doors and exited onto the expansive brick lined patio.

"What a lovely night," Olivia said pulling her ivory shawl over her shoulders. Her dress was ivory, too and was trimmed in royal blue satin over the bodice and sleeves. However, it was short sleeves which was fine for indoors but not for outdoors.

"Yes, I agree. These warmer nights won't last much longer."

"By the time the real cold sets in we'll be on our way to Paris on the most luxurious ship in the Atlantic waters." Realizing what she said she turned to him and placed a comforting hand on his chest. "Cal, are you sure you want to travel on a ship again? I mean, considering what happened…"

"I can't go through life being afraid to sail again, Olivia. I told you I was fine with it and I am."

"I know, but still…"

"I said I was fine," his answered tightly. "You don't have to keep going on about it. That's one thing you'll have to learn when you become my wife. I can't have you questioning everything I say and do."

"Of course, but I was only thinking of you." She lowered her hand feeling a little hurt at his reproach of her.

"I expect certain things from you as my wife and that means you will honor any decisions I make and never question me about them."

He spoke so firmly that Olivia stepped back to place some distance between them. She had never seen this side of him before. She knew what her place would be as his wife and she fully intended to do all that she could to make him happy and she didn't want to upset him.

"I'm sorry, I won't question you again."

He smiled then. "That's better. You may make a fine wife after all, Olivia."

"I want to be a good wife to you, Cal. I want to make you happy." She stepped back up to him wanting to assure herself that he wasn't angry with her. He lifted her hand and kissed it softly.

"You just do as I wish and you will. You will do that won't you, Olivia?"

For a moment she didn't answer. Maybe she was just exaggerating the feeling his words had stirred in her but it seemed as if he were saying that she would have no existence outside of him. That he wanted to own her completely. No, she told herself, he couldn't have meant that. Casting the feeling aside, she smiled up at him. "I will do anything to make you happy, Cal. I love you."

He smiled and pulled her to him. "That's what I want to hear. I knew I was right about you." Before she could respond, he lifted her face and kissed her.

Olivia's heart was pounding in her chest. She was experiencing her first real kiss and it was nothing like she thought it would be. His mouth was hot and hard against hers and then she felt his arm tighten around her waist. He continued to press his mouth against hers, prying her lips open enough to snake his tongue against hers. She jumped at the feel of it and felt her legs begin to shake. She had imagined what it would be like and it wasn't anything like this. Overwhelmed with it all, she finally pulled back enough to get a breath. "Cal, I don't think we should be doing this."

He drew back to look at her with a dark expression on his face. "I'll decide when it's enough. I thought you understood, Olivia. You are going to be my wife and that makes you mine in every way."

"Yes, but this is still new to me. Please…" She pleaded with him but he didn't seem to hear.

"I won't allow you to refuse me. I've already been down that road and I forbid it, do you understand? Rose thought she could keep me on a string like a marionette but I won't be treated that way again. She could have had everything and instead she chose-" He stopped then as if he suddenly realized he said too much.

Olivia stared at him, scared at the intensity of the way he spoke. She didn't understand any of it. She only knew that he was holding her tightly, so tightly her arms were tingling and speaking to her of things she of which she had no knowledge. She was frightened of him but she didn't want to be. He must have seen the fear in his eyes because he released her and stepped back from her.

"I'm sorry, Olivia. I apologize for my amorous attention toward you. I shouldn't have taken it so far."

Rubbing her arms as she glanced toward at him, she licked her lips before speaking. "I don't understand what just happened. Why did you say those things and why are you comparing me to Rose? I don't think that's fair, Cal. I am not Rose and whatever she may or may not have done should have no bearing on our relationship."

Nodding slowly, he answered her, "Yes, you are right. Forgive me, Olivia. I shouldn't have said anything and I'm sorry if I frightened you. That was not my intent. Let's just forget this and go back in to our party. Shall we?"

Finally agreeing, they returned to the party, but Olivia couldn't erase the scene from her mind. What had really happened between he and Rose on the Titanic? Why was she suddenly worried? And more importantly - why didn't Cal tell her he loved her in return when she told him? Too afraid of the answer to the question, Olivia pushed it out of her mind choosing not to think of it for the remainder of the evening.

As the party came to an end, Cal escorted Olivia home while her parents and sister followed behind them in their own automobile. She snuggled close to him in the back seat of the Daimler wrapping her arm around his. In spite of the unpleasantness earlier, she and Cal ended up having a wonderful time. He was attentive and charming and her fears were slowly replaced by the happiness she felt before their time on the patio. She realized that the subject of Rose was a touchy one and that it brought a side to him that she didn't understand.

"Did you enjoy your night?" he asked quietly against her temple.

"Our night," she corrected him smiling. "And, yes I did. It was perfect."

"I have something for you, something I wanted to give you when we were alone." He sat back and pulled a long black box from the inside of his coat pocket. He held it out to her and smiled as she took it.

"What is it?" she asked breathlessly.

"Open it and see," he instructed.

Olivia sat up straighter and grasped the box, slowly lifting the top to expose its contents. What she saw made her gasp. "Oh, my goodness! It's… it's beautiful."

A string of exquisitely cut emeralds surrounded by smaller diamonds twinkled against the inky blackness of the velvet lining. Hanging from the center of the necklace was a larger emerald cut in a teardrop shape. It was the most beautiful thing Olivia had ever seen.

"Do you like it?"

"Do I?" she turned to him and smiled widely. "Oh, Cal. It's… it's lovely and so elegant. I do love it, I really do."

"I knew you would. I want you to wear it on our wedding night."

Olivia slightly blushed, remembering how hotly he had kissed her on the patio. She lowered her eyes for a moment but he hooked his finger under her chin and lifted her face to his.

"Don't be embarrassed. When you're my wife I'll teach everything you need to know about what happens in the marriage bed. I won't allow you to become one these society wives who keep their doors locked against their husbands. You will be my wife in every way and that includes in my bed."

She shuddered at his intensity. Her mother hadn't told her much about this subject, but what little she did know about it was that it sounded worse for the woman than for the man. Her mother simply said it was something wives had to 'endure'. And yet, hearing Cal talk about it and the way he had kissed her made her think that maybe there was more to it than just enduring.

"This is my gift to you, Olivia, to show you that I do care for you. This union of ours will be most productive… in many, many ways."

She smiled again as he reached over and softly kissed her. When they reached her home, he helped her out and walked her to the door. He kissed her cheek, bid her parents goodnight and went on his way.

That night as she went to sleep, her thoughts drifted to Cal and the happy life she knew they were going to have. She wouldn't have any more doubts because Cal did care for her and she did love him and as time passed, that love would grow until it surrounded them like a warm light. She wanted that to happen more than anything in the whole world.


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

March, 1913

The day of the wedding had finally arrived. After weeks and months of preparation, everything was planned down to the smallest detail. It was March and the weather was co-operating beautifully. The winter, though not a particularly hard one, had finally released its hold and was now giving them warmer days.

Olivia stood at the window of her room feeling melancholy about the changes in her life. After this day, she could no longer call this her room. This was the room of her childhood, the room where she grew up, the room where she dreamed of her wedding day. Now, it was here and only a few hours away.

If only…

She sighed and rested her head against the cool glass. The feeling of trepidation that she had been experiencing had only increased the closer the day of the wedding approached. She didn't want to feel these things, but they were inside of her nonetheless. She loved Cal, or at least she thought she did.

As much as Olivia tried to deny it to herself, it bothered her that Cal had never once said the words, "I love you." It was always, "I care for you." or "You will make a fine wife, Olivia. We will be the envy of everyone." She wanted to believe that Cal loved her, so she pushed aside the doubts in her mind. She tried talking to her mother about it, but her mother assured her that it was normal to have these feelings. Then she told her, much to Olivia's surprise, that she didn't really fall in love with her father until after their marriage.

And then there was Rose.

Olivia felt her presence in almost every aspect of the relationship she had with Cal. She always felt as if she were being compared to her and never quite measured up. She had heard rumors of course, but she couldn't be sure of how much of it was true and how much was just the imagination of people who loved to talk about such things.

She had heard at one point that Rose was forced into her engagement to Cal by her mother. It brought to mind the conversation she had overheard between Rose and her mother and wondered if that's why Rose was so upset that night.

Then she had heard of some disturbing things about the night the Titanic sank. There were the rumors of Rose and some young man and of Cal acting most unscrupulously to secure his place on a boat. Of course, she didn't know if any of it was true, so she chose not to believe it without some sort of proof.

She wished these doubts that were hanging over her head would just disappear. This was her wedding day; it was supposed to be the happiest day of her life.

The door to her room burst open just then and Emma came running in, smiling and out of breath.

"Liv, you should see the fountain they've put in the garden! It's the grandest thing I've ever seen. Mother is there now overseeing everything. This is going to be the most beautiful wedding anyone has ever had."

Olivia smiled at her sister's enthusiasm and wished that she could feel excited as well. She walked over and sat at the bench at the foot of her bed and motioned her sister over to her. "Emma, come and sit with me for a moment."

"But, shouldn't you be getting ready?" Emma asked, clearly confused at her sister's demeanor.

"Mother and Angelina will be here to help me any time now. First, I want to talk with you about something."

"Okay," Emma answered and sat down beside Olivia.

"What do you think of Cal? I mean, now that you've really gotten to know him."

Emma's frowned at the question. "I guess he's okay for a grown up. He's a bit stuffy for my taste, but then I'm not the one marrying him."

"A bit stuffy? Is that all?" Olivia questioned.

"Well," Emma tilted her head thoughtfully. "He gave me five whole dollars last week to walk his horse back to the stable after you two came back from your ride. I guess that was nice enough."

Olivia smiled and brushed Emma's long blond hair over her shoulder. "Yes, that was nice of him."

Emma turned to face Olivia and stared at her. "Liv, is something wrong?"

Olivia smiled even brighter to deter her sister's keen observation. "Of course not, silly. I'm just a little jittery and wanted to talk to calm my nerves. A girl's wedding day is the happiest day of her life."

Emma's eyes filled with small tears and then she leaned over and hugged her. "I'm going to miss you, Liv. It won't be the same with you gone."

Olivia hugged her sister tightly and patted her back. "I won't be that far away and I'll come and visit all of the time and you can come and visit me, too. You'll see, it will be as if we were never apart."

"But, it won't be the same. Who am I going to sneak off to the pond with in the summer and go swimming when we're not supposed to? Who's going to sneak into the kitchen with me and steal Melba's sweet cakes when she thinks she's hid them from us? I'll be all alone with no one around to do anything with."

"That's not true, darling. I know I can't do all of those things with you anymore, but we'll do different things now. More grown-up things. You'll soon be fifteen and it will be time for you to learn what it means to be a young lady."

Their mother and her maid, Angelina walked in at that time and looked upon the scene with concern.

"What's going on? What's happened?" Constance stopped to look down at them.

"Nothing Mother, we were just talking before time to get ready. Everything is fine, isn't it Em?" Olivia nodded reassuringly to her sister.

Emma quickly wiped the tears from her eyes and stood. "Yes Mother, everything is fine. I'm going to see if Melba needs for me to help her."

"Don't bother Melba. She's in a tizzy as it is. It's time for you to be getting ready as well. Go find Grace and have her start helping you."

"Yes, Mother." Emma answered and left the room.

Constance turned to Olivia and smiled brightly. "Now Olivia, shall we start with your hair? I was thinking of the lovely way you wore it at the Christmas Ball. What do you think?

"I don't want to do my hair yet, Mother. I want Angelina to leave so that I can talk with you in private. It's very important." Olivia said as she stood.

"What are you talking about, Olivia?" Constance's eyes widened slightly.

"It's about my needing to discuss with you some very important things and I won't get married until I do. It's that simple, Mother. It's just that simple."

Olivia waited for Angelina to leave the room and then she shut the door. She could tell her mother was not the least bit pleased with her request, but she intended to have her say.

"Well Olivia, what is this about?" Constance asked impatiently.

Olivia walked over to the bench and sat down. "Mother, please sit down so I can talk with you in a reasonable manner. Being angry with me isn't going to help anything."

Constance frowned at her as she sat down beside her. "I'm not angry with you. I'm simply trying to understand what is going on."

Olivia stared down the five-carat diamond engagement ring on her finger. It was beautiful. "_This is for you, Olivia. A ring fit for a princess", _Cal had told her when he gave it to her. She looked up at her mother and nervously licked her lips. "I'm not sure if I should marry Cal."

"What?" Constance's face blanched. "What are saying? Did something happen that you haven't told me?"

"Yes… and no." She answered hesitantly. "I'm not sure."

Constance took a deep breath and narrowed her eyes on her daughter. "Olivia, we do not have time to play these games."

"I'm not playing games… I'm afraid," she said quickly before losing her nerve.

Sighing heavily, her mother spread her hands across her lap before speaking. "I thought we had already discussed this. I told you it was perfectly normal to have these feelings. This is the beginning of a wonderful life between you and Mr. Hockley. He can give everything you deserve and more. What is there to be afraid of?"

Shaking her head forlornly, she answered her mother. "I can't explain it. It's just that sometimes I don't feel as if Cal really sees me. Sometimes I feel as if he is comparing me to Rose and I am not comfortable being in that position. And then there are the rumors I've heard since we've been together. About the Titanic and his actions on the night it sank."

"Nonsense, I don't listen to idle gossip and neither should you." She flitted her hand in the air and stood. "Mr. Hockley is a perfect gentleman and has shown nothing but courtesy and respect toward us. How could a man with such honor do anything ungentlemanly even in the face of danger?"

"But, what if he did what they say he did?" Olivia stood as well and faced her mother. "Doesn't that show what kind of man he is? Hundreds of men, women and children died that night and yet he lived."

Constance huffed, showing her patience was growing thin. "Yes, and I'm sure he is very grateful for not perishing in such a ghastly way. You should be thankful, too."

"I am, but-"

"Stop this, Olivia," she said as she stepped forward and grabbed her shoulders. "You are getting married in a few hours. Everything has been planned and I won't have you embarrassing me by acting like a child. You are a woman and it's time you started acting like one."

"I am not acting like a child!" She snapped. "I'm afraid and I wanted to talk to you before doing something I might regret. Don't you understand? I'm just not sure Cal is the man that he presents to everyone. I've seen his dark side and it scares me. It's as if he wants to own me body and soul. Maybe Rose saw this and that's why she didn't want to marry him."

Constance's face registered shock at Olivia's declaration. "What are you talking about? What do you mean Rose didn't want to marry him? How could you possibly know a thing like that?"

Olivia bit her lip and regretted letting the words slip from her mouth. She shouldn't have let her frustration get the better of her. She tried to think of a way around telling her mother what she overheard, but when Constance was alerted to something, she didn't give up until she learned the truth.

"I'm waiting. What could you possibly know about Rose DeWitt-Bukater not wanting to marry Mr. Hockley? Are these rumors you've listened to again? Is that it?"

Debating whether to tell her mother about what she heard Rose say to her own mother, she didn't answer for a moment. But then, she nodded. "Yes, I've heard the rumors of that as well. They say Rose was being forced into marrying Cal and that she ran away from him that night on the Titanic and that's why she died."

"That's utter nonsense and I won't hear another word about it," Constance said coldly. "Mr. Hockley has been through enough without you questioning his honor and" she emphasized on the and, "his survival. I can't believe I'm hearing any of this from you. I thought you loved him."

"I do - I do love him, Mother. I just want to be sure, that's all. I don't want to have these doubts but they've gotten stronger the closer this day has come. I don't want to upset you, I only want to be sure."

Constance's face softened then and she cupped Olivia's cheek in her hand. "I know that marriage is big step, but I also know how rewarding it can be. You be the best wife you can be to Mr. Hockley and all of these doubts will fade away. You will have it all; the love of a good man, you will be the lady of great empire, you will be richer than you can imagine and you will have the most beautiful children that will one day make you as proud as you've made me."

Olivia desperately wanted to believe that was true. Perhaps she was overreacting and worrying about things that were of little consequence. Surely, once they were married things would be different. Cal could be a little stiff or 'a bit stuffy' as Emma had said, but he was a gentleman. As for his dark moods, she supposed everyone could have a bad day now and then.

She reasoned within herself that perhaps her concern over being compared to Rose was more something she felt than what it actually was.

"Olivia," her mother started. "Everything will be just fine. Don't worry about things that you have no control over. This is your wedding day, darling. The day you've dreamed of for years. Put aside all of these doubts and fears and enjoy this moment. You are going to be a beautiful bride and Mr. Hockley will be thinking of no one else when he sees you coming down the aisle to join him."

Taking a deep, calming breath Olivia smiled at her mother. "Perhaps you're right. I guess I'm just being a silly goose. I didn't mean to upset you."

"There now, I knew you would be fine. And, I'm not upset; I always will be here for you anytime you need for me to be. You'll always be my daughter even when you're Mr. Hockley's wife."

The two women hugged and then Constance called for Angelina to return. They set about preparing Olivia for her wedding, who tried to take her mother's advice and put the doubts and fears behind her. She didn't know what the future held, but by the end of the day she would be Mrs. Caledon Whitmore Hockley.


	4. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four**

Olivia walked out onto the exquisite private promenade deck of the transatlantic liner _The Empress _that adjoined the suite she and Cal were occupying. They had only boarded a short while before after staying at the Waldorf-Astoria for several days following their wedding. She walked over the square port hole to look out when she heard Cal come up behind her.

"Is everything to your liking?"

She turned to him and smiled. "Oh yes, everything is wonderful. I can't believe we're finally here."

He came up behind her and slid his arm around her slim waist. "Our departure will be momentarily and then we will be on our way."

"I would love to go up on deck and see the excitement," she said enthusiastically, but stopped short when she saw the look on his face.

"I don't think that would be a good idea. I'm not particularly fond of meshing with the riff raff that tend to intrude upon these things. Later after we've sailed we'll take a quiet stroll around the deck."

Olivia tried not to let her disappointment show so she only nodded. "Yes, Cal."

Satisfied with her answer he offered his outstretched arm to her as they entered the suite. Angelina and Marietta were giggling and talking among themselves as they were unpacking her trunks in the bedroom. As soon as they saw Cal and Olivia come into the doorway they stopped.

"Ma'am, Sir," they curtsied toward them. Angelina timidly stepped forward. "We're almost finished putting everything away."

"Just make sure you don't misplace anything," Cal admonished. "I want everything put where Mrs. Hockley can find it."

"Yes sir, Mr. Hockley," they answered in unison.

_Mrs. Hockley… _Olivia repeated in her mind. The name sounded foreign in her ears even after almost a week. She didn't feel any different, even if she were a married woman. The doubts that had plagued her prior to her wedding still came forward from time to time, but it was too late to think of that now. She walked over to the navy blue duvet in the sitting room and sat back on the plush seat.

Dismissing the two ladies maids with a sweep of his hand, Cal followed her into the sitting room. "I'm sorry, sweetling but I must leave you briefly. McBride has not returned with my trunk as of yet. I must find a steward to track him down."

"Must you?" she sat up and extended her hand toward him. He took it and sat down beside her.

"This new man my father hired is useless as well as incompetent. He should have already returned. We're not paying him to dawdle about."

"I imagine there is quite a bit of commotion down below. I'm sure he will be here shortly," she reasoned.

Cal frowned at her disapprovingly. "Olivia, you are far too trusting. You can't let these people get by with anything. They may be getting paid, but they are servants nonetheless."

Olivia felt herself stiffen at his reproach. It seemed he was always doing that over one thing or the other, as if she were a child that needed disciplining. As much as she wanted to be a good wife, she didn't like the approach he took.

"I will return as soon as I've seen to this matter." He stood, ending the conversation.

After he left the stateroom, she sat for a few minutes more. She didn't like feeling this way. She was a grown woman, a grown _married _woman now, and she should be able to have her own opinions and ideas without being made to feel she was doing something wrong.

With a frustrated sigh, she stood to her feet and paced the room. It was a beautiful room, but she wanted to be on deck. A small streak of defiance began to crawl up her back. What if she went? What was the worst Cal would do? Get angry? Yes, that was a given. But, perhaps he would see her need to have her opinions validated and wouldn't berate her at every hand.

As she continued to pace, her idea began to take form. Could she really defy Cal? Part of her wanted to stand up to him and the other part, the trained part of her, was willing to just do as he had said and wait for him.

She walked back out onto the promenade deck and looked out of the porthole. She could see the crowd below waving and cheering emphatically up at the passengers. She tried to look above her but couldn't see beyond the pale blue overhang. She looked below her again at the growing crowd. If she were on deck her view wouldn't be obstructed by anything.

Before she could change her mind she spun on her heel and made her way through the sitting room and to the gleaming cherry wood door that led to the hallway. She reached for it, paused, her mind racing at her blatant defiance. She was torn in her decision, but with one final show of independence she reached for the handle and opened the door.

Olivia stepped out into the muffled hallway and looked down the corridors both ways. Only a few people milled about and seemed to pay no particular attention to her. Feeling a bit more braver she shut the door quietly behind her and excited down corridor the same way they had entered.

As she came to a large entrance that led to the stairwell above her, she could hear the sounds of the crowd below as well as the other passengers on deck. Excitement rippled through her as she made her way up each step. Finally, she reached the top where another small stairwell would take her to the boat deck. She gripped the banister and held up her long skirts until she finally saw the blue sky above her and tasted the salt sea air on her tongue.

She gave a smile triumphant smile to herself as she finally came upon the boat deck where hundreds of people were cheering and leaning over the railings, waving and sending goodbyes the crowd below.

She walked over to the closest free spot she saw and looked down. The thrill of being up here was just as she imagined. In a most impulsive and uncharacteristic move she leaned over as well and began laughing and waving with everyone else.

Olivia felt exhilarated to be in the crowd. She had never participated in such things and she was sorry it had taken her this long to experience it. She was having such a good time, she didn't feel the figure come up behind her, nor did she expect it when he suddenly grabbed her arm from behind and growled in her ear.

"Just what in all that is holy are you doing up here acting like a common gutter rat?"

Cal!

She turned to him and saw the anger in his dark eyes. She felt the grip on her arm grow tighter when he gritted his teeth at her.

"Cal, I'm sorry. I only wanted to see-"

"Enough!" He hissed at her. "You're coming back to the stateroom with me now and we will discuss your disobedience in private."

Without protest she let him drag her back down the stairwell and to their suite. The door to the stateroom flew open with Cal still holding to Olivia's arm. Angelina and Marietta were arranging flowers and other items in the sitting room when they entered.

"Leave us," Cal barked at them. The two women glanced awkwardly at each other but curtsied and quickly left the room.

Olivia stepped back when Cal finally released the hold on her arm. She knew she had angered him but she was prepared to stand her ground this time.

"How dare you disobey me," he said flinging his coat off. "I come back to find that my wife has not only disappeared, but is acting like a commoner upon deck."

She crossed her arms tightly as she watched him stalk around the room in agitation.

"What were you thinking, Olivia? Or were you even thinking at all?" He stopped to look darkly at her. "I want an answer now."

Olivia could feel her heart begin to pound in her chest. She had forgotten how menacing Cal could look when he was angered. But, still she couldn't understand why he was getting so upset by what she did. Was complete obedience really that important to him? And if it was, what did that mean for their marriage? Was she to have no say about her own life at all?

"Well," he snapped. "Have you nothing to say for yourself?"

Finally, she found her voice to answer him. "I did nothing wrong. I simply wanted to see what was going on upon the deck. I asked you take me, but you didn't want to."

"That's right and I thought you understood my reasons. What was going on up there was exactly what I was trying to avoid."

"There was nothing going on, Cal. Why are you so upset?"

"Because," he bit out harshly. "You disobeyed me, my darling wife. You went against my wishes. That is something I won't tolerate."

"Nothing happened!" she cried in exasperation. "I spoke to no one and no one spoke to me."

Cal spun around and took her by the arms. "I will not have my wife behaving the way I saw you behaving moments ago. You are a Hockley now and you will learn your place. Is that understood?"

"You're hurting me," Olivia gritted at him.

As if realizing what he was doing, he stared at the hold he had on her arms. Slowly he released her and stepped back. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you."

Olivia stared at him in hurt and confusion. "I don't understand any of this, Cal. Why are you acting this way? Is what I did so horrible that it would cause you to react in this manner?"

Cal held himself rigid as he walked to the fireplace and lifted his arm to rest upon the mantle. He placed the back of his fisted hand against his mouth and stared blankly ahead of him. Olivia was beginning to wonder if he had even heard what she said. Ever so slowly she stepped up behind him and placed her hands on his back.

"Cal," she said quietly. "What is it? What has you so upset? Surely what I did wasn't that bad was it?"

With a deep breath he turned to her and she saw the torment in his eyes. "I'm sorry for my overreaction. It's just when I returned and couldn't find you I immediately assumed the worse."

Olivia came around and wrapped her arms around his middle as if to comfort him. "I suppose I shouldn't have gone alone, but I so wanted to see the excitement."

Cal smiled sardonically. "I forget how young you are and how impetuous you can be."

"I may be impetuous, but at least you'll never be bored." She teased him.

"Still, you shouldn't have gone alone and unescorted. You're a married woman now and you have a reputation to think about, not only yours but mine as well. That's something Rose could never understand."

_Rose again,_ Olivia thought irritably to herself. All roads led back to Rose. She felt as if everything she did and said was some sort of invisible gauge of comparison to his former fiancée. It often felt as there were three of them in this marriage and she was beginning to resent her presence there.

"Rose did everything she could to come against me, no matter what the consequences. It was a battle of wills and very frustrating for me. I wasn't going to tell you this, but perhaps you need to know. I suppose it's being on a ship again that has brought these memories back and have been in the forefront of my mind for several days."

Olivia looked up at him waited for what he had to tell her. She wasn't sure why, but she suddenly felt apprehensive about it.

"It's about the _Titanic_ and what happened while we were on board her." He started. He stepped away from her and continued. "This is very painful but," he paused. "Rose met another man, a steerage passenger, while we were on board. He was a gutter rat, a common piece of trash that she eventually betrayed me with. At first I didn't want to believe it, but then she left me proof of her indiscretion with him, a nude drawing he had made of her. He was an artist of some sort, you see."

Olivia was shocked and was at a loss for words. Could that possibly be true? Surely Cal wouldn't lie about something so serious. But then she remembered the rumors she had heard and she realized that obviously there was some truth to them.

"I was devastated of course, but still I was willing to forgive her and move ahead. But, in the end she chose him and died with him in the icy waters of the Atlantic."

"Oh Cal," she reached for him. "I'm so sorry, I had no idea. How horrible for you."

"Yes, how horrible for me." He repeated sarcastically. "I was a fool and because of my blindness I was betrayed."

"I would never betray you, Cal, never. You are my husband and I love you."

"I trusted once and was deceived. Don't make me doubt you, Olivia. Don't ever make me doubt you."

"I never will. You can trust me, Cal. I won't ever leave you," she said trying to reassure him.

"I know you won't, Olivia. I won't let you." He growled and pulled her close. He reached up and cupped her face firmly. "You're mine and what's mine I keep. I expect complete loyalty and faithfulness from you and anything less is unacceptable. I own you body and soul, don't ever forget it. I lost Rose, but I will not lose you."

Olivia could feel her pulse race as Cal swooped down and captured her mouth hotly. He lifted her from the floor and wrapped his arm under her legs, still holding her tightly against him.

"Your mine," he whispered fiercely in her ear. He swiftly carried her across the room to their stateroom and slammed the door behind him with his foot. He stood her on her feet but still was kissing her passionately. "I want a son," he breathed unevenly. "And if it's one thing you will come to learn, I always get what I want."


	5. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five**

August, 1913

The next few months passed so quickly that Olivia felt as if somehow time had sped up. Once they reached the coast of Britain they traveled to London where they stayed for over a month before moving on to Paris and finally to Toulon where they boarded the steamer, _Marguerite, _that took them back to New York. It was an exhausting time and Olivia was relieved when they finally arrived at their home in Philadelphia.

It was during this time that she suspected she was indeed pregnant. It was as if Cal had willed the conception by his prophetic words, _"I always get what I want."_ The first thing she did once they arrived home was to have a doctor confirm her condition, which he did without hesitation.

Olivia didn't know whether to be joyful or sad about the situation. She wanted children, but she had hoped to have a little time to settle in to married life. Cal, on the other hand, seemed extremely pleased with the turn of events and boasted quite proudly about it as were their parents, who were thrilled to find out that they were going to be grandparents. Immediately, plans for a nursery were set in motion by Elizabeth Hockley, Cal's mother.

Olivia and Cal had only been home a week when he announced his plans to throw a lavish party to celebrate their homecoming and impending arrival. Olivia wanted to tell him that she wasn't really up for an event of that magnitude, but she had learned not to come against him in any fashion least she set off his temper. She was especially unhappy about it when he left most of the planning of the party up to her.

"You are the lady of the manor and it's up to you take care of the details," he told her with his usual coolness. "This party will be held under great scrutiny and it will establish our place as the most fashionable couple in Philadelphia."

"Yes, Cal," she answered automatically, but inside she was seething. She didn't care about any of that now, she only wanted to settle into her home and find her place. She hadn't even had time to get to know the servants. How was she expected to plan such an event when she didn't even know her way around her own home yet?

The next day she visited her parents and her sister. She finally was able to get her mother alone to talk to her about Cal's plans.

"What am I going to do, Mother? I'm not sure I can do what Cal wants me to do with this party."

"Of course you can, darling," Constance said breezily. "I have overseen many a successful party. I will help as much as I can. You'll see; everything will be just fine."

"I don't why Cal is insisting on doing this. I'm just not feeling well right now and a party is the last thing I need." Olivia lamented.

"Nonsense," Constance stood and walked over to a large vase of fresh cut roses and began re-arranging them. "I think this is a perfect time for such an event. Mr. Hockley knows how important it is to keep up appearances. Everyone will want to see you and congratulate you on the baby. Really Olivia, I thought you would understand how imperative it is to do these kinds of things."

Somehow Olivia knew her mother would side with Cal. It seemed whatever he said or did was the perfect thing in her parents eyes. Her feelings or concerns never seemed to be as important anymore.

"You haven't been vexing Mr. Hockley with your pouting about this party have you?" Constance asked, turning a keen eye onto Olivia. "He has enough to think about without you adding to his worries."

Irritation spread through her at her mothers words. "No Mother, I haven't been 'vexing' my husband." She snapped impatiently. "I have been the perfect little wife doing all of the right things even when I don't think it's the right thing. I'm trying very hard to make my husband happy, even when it's at the expense of my own happiness."

Constance raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow as she stared at Olivia. "Well," she breathed tautly. "You always did have a flair for the dramatic, Olivia. I had hoped married life would calm it down considerably. I see, however, that you haven't learned to control your temper."

Olivia stood and grinned sarcastically. "Oh, but I have, Mother. I have learned to control a great many things. You see, my husband is the one with the temper and I have to be very careful not to do things that displease him. So, I listen and I obey like a good little wife, just the way you would expect for me to."

"Olivia," Constance crossed her arms as she came to stand in front of her daughter. "I'm not sure I care for you tone at the moment. You're getting yourself upset and that is not good for the baby. Perhaps you should go rest before Thomas takes you home."

Sighing heavily, Olivia felt the sting of tears forming in her eyes. "Don't you understand, Mother? I'm trying to tell you that I'm not as happy as I thought I would be. I keep trying to make the best of things, but Cal is so demanding."

"I'm sure it's not as dreadful as you're making it sound." Constance softened a bit. "Marriage can be difficult and the fact that you're with child only compounds your emotions right now. Everything is still new and you're still learning your place as a wife. Give it some time, Olivia, it will get better."

"I'm not sure about that." Olivia countered, refusing to let the tears fall. "There's something else that I haven't told you. It's Rose DeWitt-Bukater. Everyday it seems that her presence is in the middle of our marriage. And then the other night, he called out her name in his sleep. It was so tender at first and then it turned into anguish. It was almost as if he were in agony, as if he were reliving some moment with her in his dreams. I was so upset that I moved to another room for the rest of the night."

For once, Constance was at a loss for words. She stared at Olivia in dismay.

"I try not to let it bother me, but sometimes it does. I don't even think Cal realizes he's doing it." Seeing the look on her mother's face, she shook her head regretfully. "I shouldn't have told you, this is not your burden to bear, it's mine."

"I'm not sure what to say." She answered stiffly.

It was obvious her mother was not prepared to hear such truth, Olivia decided to change her course of action. "I'm sorry, Mother. I'm sure I'm just being oversensitive. I would appreciate any help you can give me for the party."

"Yes, yes of course I will." Constance grabbed the lifeline without hesitation.

"Well, I should be going now. Cal will be expecting me." She leaned over and kissed her mothers cheek before leaving.

On the way home, she sat in the back seat and contemplated her situation. She realized that she had no one to confide in about the things that concerned her. She would have to carry her burdens alone from now on. As the car motored up the long driveway and pulled up in front of the manor, she took a deep breath and put on a smile.

This was her life, such as it was and she would make the best of it.

For she really had no choice but to make it so.

* * *

"Olivia," Cal's muffled voice carried into their suite. "Are you ready yet? Our guests are arriving."

Olivia placed a shaky hand on her stomach as she stood from her dressing table. She didn't realize she would be this nervous, but she was. She had never hosted a party before, and she was sure she was going to mess something up.

"Olivia?" Cal called again.

"Yes, I'm here. I'm almost ready," she answered. He opened the door to the suite from the sitting room and immediately appraised her appearance. Her long blond hair was pulled back in loose curls that Marietta had then wove thin ribbons through. Her gown was made of pale orange gossamer that was intricately beaded all the way down to the small train that fell past her feet, which were clad in satin slippers the same pale orange color as the gown.

"You look lovely this evening, my dear," he said leaning against the door frame. "I approve."

"Thank you," she smiled at her husband. "You look very handsome as well." And, he did. If there was one thing she could say about Cal, it was that he was an extremely handsome man especially when he was dressed in a tailored tuxedo as he was now.

"Are you ready to go down?"

"Yes, I think so." She turned to look at herself once more. "Oh my goodness, my stomach is doing flip-flops and it has nothing to do with the baby." She laughed anxiously. "I'm so nervous, Cal. What if I do or say the wrong thing?"

"Nonsense, Olivia." He pushed himself to standing. "You'll do fine. You're a Hockley now and the Hockley's never do or say the wrong thing."

She turned to see if he was teasing her, but he looked so serious she didn't think he was. He lifted her lace shawl and placed it around her shoulders.

"Come now, we mustn't leave our guests waiting." He held out his arm to her and waited for her to take it. Once they left the suite and were on their way down the hallway, he turned to her and said in a quiet voice. "Remember to smile and above all else, never talk to any one person for too long. Move around, be polite and you'll do just fine."

"Yes, Cal," she nodded, taking another deep breath.

They descended the staircase and made their way to the ballroom where soft music could be heard coming from inside. Two servants were stationed on either side of the enormous double doors and when they saw them coming they immediately stepped forward to open them. Both men gave a slight nod toward them as they passed by them to enter.

"Here we go," Cal whispered in her ear.

Several people turned at their entrance and smiled at them. Their parents and her sister were already there and waiting for them. It wasn't long before more guests began to arrive and Olivia was ushered from person to person, always smiling, being gracious and feigning interest in every conversation she had.

Everything seemed to be going smooth and her nerves were beginning to settle. All of the guests were laughing and seemingly having a good time, even Cal seemed to be relaxed and in a jovial mood. Several times she would feel as if she was being watched and when she looked around she would find him staring approvingly at her. Sometimes they would pass each other and he would nuzzle her neck while whispering in her ear how pleased he was everything was going well.

Her sister, Emma, also appeared to be having a good time as she danced with several handsome young men. Olivia amusingly suspected her younger sister was finally growing up and finding out that the opposite sex wasn't as bad as she once thought.

The party was in full swing now and after a rather boisterous dance with an inept, if not enthusiastic partner, Olivia decided that she needed a breath of fresh air. She looked around for Cal to go with her, but didn't see him anywhere. After several minutes of searching, she decided to go alone.

As soon as she opened the terrace doors and stepped out, she could feel a cool breeze blowing. It was just the thing she needed. She walked over to the railing and spread her hands across the top of it, feeling the smoothness of the wood against her palms. It was so tranquil out here; it was actually one of her favorite places to go to be alone.

She had only been standing there a few minutes when she heard muffled voices coming from her right behind the tall bushes that surrounded the terrace. One was obviously a female because of the high-pitched tone, but she couldn't make out the other. Not wanting to eavesdrop on the conversation, she turned to go back inside.

"Did you see Cal tonight? He's certainly quite pleased with himself." The woman's voice quietly laughed.

"Be quiet, Lorraine. It's none of your business." A man's deep voice chastised the woman.

"Don't be such a spoil sport, Harry dear. It's all anyone's talking about. Do you suppose she knows the real reason he married her?"

"I wouldn't venture a guess." The man sighed heavily.

"I don't think she does. She seems far too naïve and trusting to be aware of it."

Olivia's heart was pounding in her chest. She was frozen in place, she should have fled as fast as she could but she couldn't. It was as if an invisible hand was holding her there.

"I hear old Nathan gave him ten million for marrying her and he'll get an additional five million for every son born to him. You know what that means for the poor girl don't you?" The woman laughed again.

"Lorraine, I didn't come out here to gossip about Caledon Hockley and his naïve little bride."

"I know what you came out here for, Harry Jameson." She teased flirtingly. "I just think it's rather wretched of his father to threaten to disinherit him if he didn't marry. I find the whole business rather distasteful and unpleasant."

"I don't presume to know why Nathan Hockley does anything he does, nor do I care. What I do know my lovely Lorraine, is that I'm growing weary of this conversation. Now come here and let me show you why I brought you out here." With a giggle and rustle of bushes, the conversation ended.

Olivia felt as if something hard had slammed into her. Why hadn't she gone inside? Why did she have to hear the painful truth of it all? With tears running down her face, she now knew that her marriage was a sham and it had been from the first moment Cal had come to see her. He really hadn't cared for her at all. She wanted to run as far and as fast as she could away from there.

A wave of dizziness crashed over sending her reeling backwards and she felt herself falling. Blackness closed in all around her, pushing the light farther and farther away. She tried to fight it, but it consumed her as her limp body crumpled silently to the cold hardness of the ground.


	6. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

The sound of hushed whispers seemed to be all around Olivia. She felt odd and couldn't seem to quite figure out why. She tried to move, but her body felt heavy and uncoordinated. She then tried to open her heavy-lidded eyes and did manage to for a fraction, although everything was blurred.

"I think she's coming to," a deep male voice said close by.

She felt her hand being lifted and then she felt her cheek being stroked. "Olivia, it's Cal, can you hear me?"

She turned her head toward the sound of his voice and tried to open her eyes again. Ever so slowly she managed to finally open them and focus on her husband's concerned face.

"Cal?" she questioned groggily. "Where am I?"

"In our room," he answered.

"Why am I here? What happened?"

"I don't know, my dear. You were found outside unconscious. You were brought upstairs and the doctor was summoned immediately. I was hoping you could tell us what happened."

Olivia searched her mind, but couldn't seem to remember. She slowly shook her head. "I don't know… I don't know what happened. I can't remember."

Cal's features darkened momentarily, but he brushed it off quickly. "Perhaps it will come back to you later. The important thing is that you and the baby are alright."

"The baby," she whispered frantically and placed a protective hand on her stomach. "Is it…okay? Is everything okay with the baby?"

"Yes, the doctor has given you a thorough examination and everything is just fine. You gave us quite a scare, Olivia."

As everything became clearer to her, she looked around her and saw her parents and sister, as well as Cal's parents and her doctor. "I'm sorry, I don't know what happened. I went outside for a breath of air and that's all I can remember."

"As I said, the main thing is that you and the baby are alright." Cal repeated as he stood. "I think you should rest now."

She nodded as he stepped back and her mother came forward to take her hand. "Olivia, we were so afraid something terrible had happened. Thank goodness you're alright."

"I'm fine, mother. I just feel very tired."

"Of course," she bent to kiss her forehead. "We'll leave you now, darling. I'll call tomorrow to see how you're doing."

Her father and sister hugged her as did Cal's mother. When Nathan Hockley came by her bed, she felt a sense of dread wash over her, as if a dark cloud had came overhead. He smiled at her and she stared back at him wishing he would go away. She didn't understand this feeling, but it was there nonetheless. He saw the change come over and his smile gave way to a puzzled frown. She quickly averted her eyes until she knew he had left her bedside.

Dr. Covington stopped beside her before leaving as well. "I'll come back tomorrow to check on your progress. But, as I told your husband, you're young and healthy and I don't foresee any complications. Just rest my dear, that's the main thing."

Olivia nodded at him as he turned and left the room. Once she and Cal were alone, he came back over to the bed and sat down beside her. He smiled at her, but there was something dark and cold in his eyes. He leaned forward and lifted one of her long golden curls and wrapped it around his finger. "Okay Olivia, it's just you and me, we're alone. Now, tell me what happened out there on the terrace."

Olivia looked up at him and shook her head. "I told you, I can't remember."

He stared intently at her for a moment and then gave her a cynical smile. "You don't expect for me to believe that do you? Something must have occurred, something you're trying to hide from me. Now, I will ask again… what happened?"

She stared wide-eyed at him, her heart pounding in her chest. He didn't believe her? She licked her dry lips to answer him. "Cal, I honestly don't know. I went outside to get some air and the next thing I know, I'm right here. You have to believe me."

He gazed coolly down at her for a breathless moment. "Very well, Olivia. I shall take your word for it, but if I ever find out that you've lied to me, I won't be as understanding. Is that in any way unclear?"

Olivia couldn't speak so she only responded with a shake of her head.

"I'll send Angelina in here to stay with you. We still have guests to attend to that haven't left yet." He stood and straightened his suit, taking great care to smooth everything out. "Stay in here and rest, I don't want you to exert yourself. If you need anything Angelina will take care of it."

"Yes, Cal." she answered quietly.

She watched his retreating form and felt a sense of relief when she was finally alone. She was hurt at Cal's reaction, but worse than that, she was becoming accustomed to it. His cool attitude toward her was not what she needed; she needed comfort, reassurance and most of all his love. But, she was beginning to truly believe that she never had it.

A sense of foreboding and sadness gripped her. She felt the same feeling when Nathan Hockley came near her, but she couldn't figure out why.

As she lay there in the quiet she went over in her mind all that had happened, but she simply could not remember why she had fainted. The very last memory she had was standing on the terrace and the next thing she knew she was lying here with everyone around her.

Why couldn't she remember? It was as if a piece of her memory had been removed. It was very disconcerting. And Cal's accusation that she was keeping something from him was unfair. She had never lied to her husband, but she doubted she could say the same for him.

Angelina came in a short time later and helped her undress and get ready for bed. Hours passed, but Cal never came back to their room. Eventually she fell asleep and it was only when the morning came that she realized that he had never came back and she had spent the night alone.

Olivia slid from the bed and wrapped her dressing gown around her. She felt a little unsteady on her feet, but after a few minutes it passed. She made her way to the hall where the early morning light filtered through the high, cut glass windows. Everything was so quiet, almost too quiet.

She came down the staircase, doing a cursory check of the foyer and the outlying doors for any signs of anything amiss. As she rounded the bottom of the stairs she heard soft music coming from the library. She turned and walked slowly and silently toward the doors. When she reached them, she listened for any movement from inside but didn't hear anything.

Grasping the brass handle, she turned the knob and opened it quietly, peeking inside as she did. Her breath caught in her throat at the sight she saw.

There on the long, leather sofa lay Cal and wrapped his arms was a beautifully framed photograph of Rose DeWitt-Bukater.

Numbly, she closed the door and leaned back against it. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes but she refused to let them. She slowly made her way back to the solitude of her room. Closing the door behind her, she walked over to the dressing table and sat down on the cushioned bench. Her reflection caught her attention. Her eyes were wide and her face pale, she looked like she felt… dazed.

Every time she closed her eyes she saw her husband clutching the photograph of his beloved Rose. Betrayal, anger and resentment flooded her until she could no longer hold it back. She grabbed a bottle of perfume as she stood and flung it across the room with a frustrated scream. After the release of it, she fell to the floor in a crumpled heap and cried uncontrollably until there was nothing left in her but dry hacking sobs.

Every hope and dream she had fell away as she realized that she never had Cal's love. It was a sham, a cruel hoax and it hurt more than she thought possible. It wasn't fair, it just wasn't fair. She had trusted him and more than that, she loved him. She still did in spite of it all. Oh Dear God, what was she going to do? How could she stay and yet how could she leave? She was carrying his child, the Hockley heir. She was trapped – trapped in a marriage that was nothing but a lie.

Grasping the bench, she pulled herself to standing and tried to compose herself as best she could. A light tap at the door startled her.

"Who is it?" she asked wiping the remaining tears from her cheeks.

"Angelina, ma'am," came the response. "I thought I heard something. Are you alright?"

Taking a calming breath, she padded over to the door and opened it. Upon seeing the girl's concerned face, she smiled to mask her feelings. "I'm fine, Angelina. Nothing to worry about, I assure you."

The girl nodded, but Olivia couldn't be sure if she believed her or not. She knew the servants loved to gossip among themselves and she would rather not give them any more fodder than she had to. She started to turn and shut the door, but stopped. "Could you please have a tray sent up? I'm still not feeling well and I'd rather not eat downstairs this morning."

"Yes ma'am," Angelina gave a small curtsy. "Will Mr. Hockley be joining you?"

Olivia paused for a moment before answering. "No, I will be eating alone." With that, she shut the door and leaned back against it. She couldn't face Cal just yet, it would be too hard. Her emotions were too raw at the moment.

She quickly dressed in a loose, apricot caftan and pulled her hair back and secured it with a matching ribbon. She had no intention of leaving her room today so there was no need to dress in her usual manner. She was sitting on her chaise in front of one of the large windows when she heard the door open. Fully expecting to see Angelina, it was Cal who was bearing her tray instead.

"Good morning, sweetling." He smiled as he pushed the door shut with his foot. "I intercepted Angelina." He held up the tray toward her.

Olivia could feel her heart thumping loudly in her ears as he approached and sat the tray down on her lap.

"I hope you slept well after your incident last night."

She couldn't answer for a moment. She knew she had to remain calm, she couldn't let Cal see how upset she was. As she looked down at the food on the tray, it suddenly looked extremely unappetizing.

"Olivia?" he prompted.

"Yes, I… I slept fine," she finally answered.

Seemingly satisfied with her answer, he took the yellow linen napkin on the tray, shook it out and spread it across her midriff. "I slept in one of the guest rooms so as not to disturb you."

Liar! She cried in her mind. She couldn't bear to look at him so she turned her head away to look at some unknown point out of the window.

"You still look a little pale this morning. I will have Dr. Covington come over to look you over to make sure everything is alright."

When she didn't answer, he hooked her chin with his finger and guided her face around to meet his. "Are you sure everything is okay, Olivia? You seem out of sorts. Is there something you're not telling me?"

She licked her dry lips before answering. "No, Cal. I'm just not feeling well, that's all."

Frowning at her, he leaned back and studied her features. "You are keeping something from me. Is it about last night? Did you remember what happened before you were found outside unconscious?"

"No," she shook her head. "I don't remember what happened. I told you that."

"You aren't being truthful with me, Olivia," he said in a low, callous purr.

She looked up at him and the image of him holding Rose's picture invaded her mind. She wanted to scream it out at him, to tell him what she saw and that she knew that their marriage was a lie. She wanted to lash out at him, to hurt him the way she was hurting, but she couldn't. She was too afraid of his reaction.

"I'm not being untruthful, Cal," she finally answered. "I guess I'm weaker than I thought from everything that happened last night."

He stared at her for a few minutes more and then lifted his head slightly. "Very well, but don't forget my warning. If I find that you have lied to me, I won't be so forgiving. I must be able to trust you, Olivia. After all, you are carrying my son, the heir to the Hockley name."

Her eyes snapped then. "Why are you so sure this is going to be a son?"

He laughed as if she had asked the most ridiculous question. "Because sweetling, I chose for it to be so."

Olivia cringed when he leaned over and kissed her on the forehead.

"Enjoy your breakfast. I shall be out for most of the day. Dr. Covington will be along after while to check on you." He stood, straightened out his suit and smiled unflappably down at her.

She watched as he strode casually across the room and exited it. Between the tension she felt and the aroma of the food before her, her stomach began to roll violently. She pushed it aside and stood, barely reaching the chamber pot before she was sick.

After a few minutes, she leaned back and wiped her face with the linen napkin. Glancing around the room, she felt so alone. In that moment, she would gladly have given up everything to be free from this life. She was only nineteen and already her life was over. Everything she believed in was gone and she was left with nothing but this empty, cold feeling. How ironic that only a few short months ago she thought she was living a fairytale and now nothing could be farther from the truth. Nothing at all.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven**

January, 1914

The fire crackled and hissed in the open fireplace in Olivia's sitting room. The warmth of it was hardly any comfort to her as she watched the flames dance in and around the logs. She placed a hand on her burgeoning belly when she felt the child within her move and kick. With only a few weeks to go she felt as large as a whale and as clumsy.

Nothing she did felt normal. Everything hurt; her back, her feet, her legs. She was sure she would never regain the figure she had eight months ago. How could she? Her body was contorted completely out of shape and it was all because Caledon Hockley had to have a son - an heir. She had never said anything to anyone, but she secretly hoped the child was a girl.

She closed her eyes at the unpleasant thoughts that invaded her mind. She didn't want to feel this way, but she couldn't help it. It seemed she was always irritable, so much so that Cal had taken to staying away from her for the most part. He came to check on her in the morning before leaving and came to check on her in the evening when he returned. He had insisted that she take her meals in her room now so she didn't even see him at dinner.

She sighed heavily as she plucked at the lace on her sleeve. She was tired of being pregnant and she was tired being treated as an invalid. She wanted to get out of this blasted room! With that, she scooted herself forward and rolled over to one side so that she could push herself to standing. She threw her hair back from her face as she padded over to the door and out into the hallway. She came to the top of the staircase and was just stepping down when she saw Cal ascending them toward her. His face immediately darkened.

"Olivia, what do you think you're doing?"

"I'm getting out of that room, that's what," she answered coolly as he neared her. "I'm tired of staying in there. I want to walk around outside, I want some fresh air."

"If fresh air is what you desire, then why don't you step outside on the verandah?"

"I don't want to step out on the verandah," she replied, matching his angry tone.

"You are being obstinate and unreasonable. It's far too cold outside to go for a walk in your condition. Let me help you back to your room."

"No!" she snapped. "I'm not going back in there."

His eyes glittered in anger as he stepped up to her. "You are trying my patience, my darling wife. This is getting rather tiresome, this irrational behavior you continue to exhibit day after day."

"I'm sorry you find me so disagreeable." She threw at him. "I'm sorry this pregnancy is such a burden to you that you can't even bring yourself to sleep with me anymore."

Cal's eyes widened at her outburst. He reached up and grasped her face firmly in his hand before lowering his own until it was only inches from hers. "You forget yourself, Olivia. I will not stand here and be berated like some lackey from my own wife. I can only assume it is your condition that is prompting you to act so irrationally. I would suggest that you do not push me further. Is that understood?"

Olivia wavered for a moment as she stared at him. She knew better than to come against him, it only served to enflame his temper. His grip on her tightened and slowly, her anger turned to trepidation as she dropped her defiant gaze away from him. Defeat lined her features as satisfaction came over his.

"That's better," he cooed complacently and let go of her face. "Now go to your room and I will have Angelina bring your dinner to you momentarily."

She closed her eyes against his smug smile and gripped the banister tightly. "May I please have my dinner downstairs tonight?"

He stared at her thoughtfully and then shook his head. "I don't think that would be wise. You will be more comfortable in your suite." As if that were the end of it, he stepped up onto the landing and brought her with him. She resisted for a moment.

"Please, Cal. I'm so tired of being cooped up. Please let me eat with you." She cringed at how pathetic she sounded but she was desperate to be out of that room. He arched a questioning eyebrow at her.

"Are you continuing to defy me? I have already given you my answer. Let that be the end of it." He took her by the arm and led her back to her suite.

Reluctantly, she entered her sitting room with him. Her movements were jerky as she walked over to the window and stared out at the barren landscape below. A misty haze had settled over everything, giving it a ghostly look. She felt him come up behind her and then he placed his hands on her shoulders. She tensed at his touch, but didn't move.

"You mustn't get yourself so worked up, my dear. It isn't good for you or the baby."

"The baby is fine," she answered snappishly. "You know that Dr. Covington was here yesterday and said everything is progressing normally."

"Of course it is. I have no doubt that our son will be perfectly normal and healthy."

"Would you please stop saying that?" she whirled around to face him. "This could a girl as well as boy. You don't know that this will be a son."

He sighed heavily and pinched his nose at the bridge. "I'm in no mood to listen to your ramblings, Olivia. It's getting quite trying to say the least. I'm going to take my leave downstairs and will be up to check on you before I retire for the night." With that he turned to leave but an abrupt gasp from Olivia stopped him.

She was suddenly pale and sweat had broken out on her face. A widening stain on the front of her gown began to form. She grabbed her lower belly and bent forward.

"Oh God, Oh God, something is happening," she whispered hoarsely. Instantly Cal was at her side. She gripped his hand fiercely as pain tore through her middle. "Cal, please help me!" she cried.

"Angelina!" he roared as he helped Olivia from the sitting room to their room and onto the bed. He lifted her bodily and laid her down. "Angelina, blast you girl! Get in here now!"

The door swung open and Angelina rushed in. One look at the situation and her hands flew to her mouth. "Good heavens! Is it time?"

"Yes, you idiot! Summon Dr. Covington immediately!"

"Yes, sir. Right away, sir." She answered as she practically stumbled backwards out of the room.

A scream rumbled in Olivia's throat as another pain gripped her. She threw her head back on the pillow and bore down as hard as she could. "Cal!" she cried again. "Cal, please help me!"

"I'm right here, darling. Dr. Covington is on his way," he answered frantic whisper. "Just hold on!"

Finally, the pain subsided and Olivia relaxed for a moment, breathing heavily as she did. "It's too soon," she told him shaking her head. "It's too soon, I know it is."

"It'll be alright, darling." He pushed her hair back from her forehead as he spoke. "It'll be alright."

Before she could respond another pain shot through her. She placed her hands on her stomach and let out a blood curdling scream. The pain was so intense she could hardly stand it. Sweat broke out across her body as the contraction rippled through her. "Oh God, it hurts, it hurts…" she moaned moving her head side to side.

Olivia didn't know when Dr. Covington finally arrived but suddenly he was there talking to her, soothing her with his voice. He immediately sent Cal out and summoned Angelina and Marietta, situating them on either side of her to wipe her brow and to brace her as she lifted up to push. By this time, Olivia was in a fog of pain and was oblivious to much of her surroundings.

The pains grew closer and more intense until she thought she would die but Dr. Covington told her it was finally time to push. Sitting between her legs he began to talk to her, to instruct her on what to do and when to push. With each searing pain she experienced knew the birth of her child was nearing. Each time she pushed, she pushed as hard as she could.

"Push, Olivia, push!" Dr. Covington urged. "We're almost there."

Olivia bore down with as much strength as she could muster, which wasn't much after nearly an hour of pushing hard.

"Okay, okay," the doctor muttered. "The head is out and now I'm pulling the shoulders. You're about to see your baby, Olivia my dear."

With one final pull, the baby came forth from her slippery and wet. Olivia fell back and took several deep, gulping breaths. After a few seconds it let out a healthy cry. The doctor laughed as he held it up. "You have a son. A healthy baby son."

Olivia sat up and looked at the red, wailing baby he held in his hands. He asked for a towel which Marietta held out and he gingerly placed the infant in it. Marietta then brought him over to her and lifted him up.

"Glory be, ma'am. But, he is about the handsomest babe I've seen born." She smiled approvingly.

Olivia pulled the towel away from his face and body to look him over. "A son," she whispered. Cal had gotten his wish, she thought. But, as she looked at him, she felt a strong protectiveness come over her. This may be the son Cal wanted so badly, but he was hers. He came from her, she bore him and she wouldn't let anything happen to him.

"I'm going to clean him up now, ma'am and I'll bring him right back over." Marietta said patting her shoulder.

Olivia nodded and lay back. As she lay there contemplating what this child would mean, another sharp pain shot through her. She grabbed her stomach as she felt it grow stronger.

"Doctor, something is happening." She panted.

Immediately he came over to her. When he did, his eyes widened. "Oh, my Lord, she's having another one."

"What?" she breathed sitting up. She gritted her teeth against the sudden pain that rippled through her. She bore down as hard as she could.

"Hold on, Olivia. Don't push yet."

"I- can't- help- it," she huffed. "I- have- to…"

Just as before, the contractions gripped her body and after several minutes of pushing, she felt the second baby slide from her body. She threw herself back and gasped for air.

"Olivia, my dear, you are an amazement. Look up and meet your daughter."

"Daughter?" she breathed heavily. Angelina helped her sit up and she looked down at her second baby. "I have a son and a daughter?" she asked in bewilderment.

"So it would seem. Twins. Little darling must have been hiding. I never suspected it for a minute." He laughed heartily.

Angelina brought her daughter over to her as Marietta brought her son to the other side. She looked back and forth at the two of them. Twins! A son and a daughter. She began to laugh at the irony of it. They looked to be perfect in every way. Marietta laid her son in her arms while Angelina went to clean up her daughter.

"I'll be getting Mr. Hockley now. He'll be pleased no doubt." Marietta told her.

"Don't tell Mr. Hockley about the twins. I want to tell him myself." She instructed her.

"Yes, ma'am," she smiled and nodded knowingly.

After the doctor finished up with her, Angelina washed her a bit and put a fresh gown on her. She was holding their son when Cal rushed in the room. He stopped when he saw them and then slowly walked over to the side of the bed.  
"Is it…" he didn't finish the question, but only stared at the now quiet baby in her arms.

"Yes," she nodded and grinned at him. "Cal, meet your son." He sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at him. He smiled as he lifted the baby from her.

"My son," he said proudly. "You did well, Olivia." He nodded with satisfaction.

"There's something else," she placed a hand on his arm. A questioning frown formed on his face at her comment.

"Look," she pointed behind him. He turned and saw Angelina come forward with another bundle. "We have a daughter, Cal."

He whipped around to look at her in astonishment.

"We have a son _and _a daughter. Twins." She laughed at his reaction. "I know, I could hardly believe it myself."

"Twins?" Cal said as he looked at her wonder. "But how… why…?"

"I don't know." She laughed again. "But, aren't they beautiful?"

Angelina settled their daughter in her arms and then stepped back. Quietly, she and the doctor left the room, leaving the new family together.

"I never imagined..." he whispered as he looked back and forth at them.

"Me either," she shook her head. "I guess we better give them names."

He smiled and nodded as he looked back at their son. "Nathaniel Charles Hockley the second." He announced firmly. "After my father."

Olivia frowned for a moment. She didn't know why, but she didn't want her son to have that name. But, she didn't protest against it. Instead, she slightly nodded giving her reluctant approval.

"And as for her," he smiled down at the sleeping baby in her arms. "Catherine Rose."

The gasp that came from Olivia surprised the baby and she began to squirm and mew against her. "No!" she cried with indignation. "I won't let you do that!"

"Let me?" he questioned with an arched brow. Then he smiled cynically at her. "If the name bothers you so much, you need not ever say it. But, Catherine Rose it will be."

Her lips quivered in hurt as he reached out and tenderly stroked the baby's cheek. "You did well, Olivia. I'm very proud of you. I knew I had made the right choice from the first moment I saw you."

It was as if the world had dropped out from beneath her. Oh God! Why was he doing this? Why? Did his cruelty know no bounds? How could he do this to her and their child? She gripped the baby tighter to her as tears threatened to spill from her eyes. She glanced over at him as he lifted their son up and smiled at him as if the subject were dismissed and settled.

"I think he looks like me, don't you?"

A knot had formed in Olivia's throat, preventing her from saying anything.

"Only time will tell, I suppose." He shrugged and handed him over to her. "I'll have Angelina and Marietta bring them out to our parents. They've been waiting to see them. You rest, my dear." He bent over and kissed her cheek.

As he left the room, she looked down at her babies and felt like crying. What kind of mother was she if couldn't even protect them from having names she didn't want? Despair washed over her, but she quickly hid it when the two handmaids came in to collect them. As she watched them leave the room, she determined within herself that no matter what, she _would_ protect them. They were hers no matter their names. Cal may have won for now, but in the end, it would be she who would win. She would make sure of it.


	8. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

April, 1914

The atmosphere over the next few months after the twin's births was one of joy and excitement, for everyone that is except Olivia. She barely had time to adjust to her babies when they were handed over to a nanny at Cal's insistence. Thankfully the nursery was close enough to her room that Olivia could hear one of them if they cried, but she would no sooner go in until Mrs. Ryan would bustle in and assure her she was taking care of things.

While she was grateful for the help, she was also weary of Mrs. Ryan's no nonsense approach. She made Olivia feel at times as if she were an intruder rather than her children's mother. After this had happened several times, Olivia finally spoke to Cal one evening at dinner about her concerns and voiced her annoyance about Mrs. Ryan. But, in his usual cool manner he informed her that the woman was doing what she was hired to do.

"She came highly recommended, Olivia. I advise you to let the woman do her job and stop worrying yourself over matters that need not be worried over."

"Are you suggesting that I not worry over my own children?" she asked, irritated at his attitude.

"Of course not," he said lifting his wine glass. "We hired this woman to do a job and she's doing it."

"But, I'm their mother." She stated the obvious.

"And I'm their father," he looked at her over the rim of his glass. "I have taken care of this. You must learn to trust my judgment where our children our concerned."

Olivia stared at him in stony silence. She gripped her napkin under the table until her knuckles turned white. She felt as if the room was closing in on her and if she didn't get out she would suffocate. Ever so slowly, she rose from the table, laid her napkin down and turned to leave but stopped when he spoke to her.

"Where do you think you're going, Olivia?" he asked behind her.

She could hear the rustle of movement as he stood and came near to her. She tensed when she felt his hand slide up her back and into her hair. He pushed the long, blond tresses to one side and bent so that his mouth was close to ear and she could feel his warm breath against her skin.

"When we married I told you that I must have your complete loyalty, do you remember that?" She didn't answer but closed her eyes when she felt his hand slide around her waist and across her abdomen. "You must never question my judgment. I have to be able to trust you in all things… this was our understanding."

Olivia didn't respond as he came around and stared down at her. He grinned mockingly at her silent defiance. He lifted his hand and trailed a finger along her jaw line, down the length of her neck and across the swell of her breast. "I do believe you are being rather rebellious. What am I to do about that?"

Still, she didn't answer. In spite of everything within her, his touch had sent her pulse racing. She despised herself for feeling this way. He was a selfish and demanding man, she knew how far his cruelty could go and yet… and yet… in spite of it all, his nearness and his touch was exciting her. She was shocked and repulsed by it and yet there it was.

Cal sensed the change in her and raised a questioning eyebrow at her reaction. She turned her head away but it was too late for that. He slowly pulled her to him, pressing their bodies close together. She stiffened, but didn't move when he lowered his head to her neck and softly kissed the throbbing pulse beneath her ear. She let out an audible breath when he did. He then inched his way up, kissing her delicately until he was only inches from her mouth. Her heart was slamming against her ribs; it had been so long since he had touched her like this, so long since she had felt this. She was torn between wanting to move and wanting to stay, but she could do neither.

"Olivia," he whispered her name against her lips. "What are you doing to me?"

She still hadn't moved, her arms hung rigid to her side. If she touched him she would lose what self-control she had. She didn't want this to happen, she couldn't let it. He had done so many hurtful things to her, so many things that she couldn't forget. Why, oh why was her body betraying her this way?

Cal lifted his head for a moment and saw the look in her eyes, the tumult of conflicting emotions that she knew was there for him to see. She wanted to turn away because she didn't want him to see, but she couldn't. His breathing deepened and finally when neither of them could take any more, he growled, swooped down and captured her mouth with his own. He kissed her hungrily, his hands moving over her body and tangling in her hair.

Olivia whimpered and threw her arms around him as he passionately assaulted her mouth. It had never been this way before. She had never felt this between them, this need that was nearly tangible. She raised herself up on her tiptoes and kissed him back in an almost desperate way, moving her arms from his waist to around his neck.

He deepened the kiss by pulling her head back by her hair and nearly lifting her off her feet. It went on and on and until she thought she would faint from it. He finally broke away from her and rained kisses down her neck and face. "Olivia, Olivia…" he groaned her name. "This is insane."

She couldn't answer; she was too far gone to even try. She was loving what he was doing to her and hating herself for loving it. She had been denied his touch for so long and God help her but she loved him. She wanted him and there didn't seem to be anything she could do to stop what was happening.

He picked her up and carried her out of the dining room, up the winding staircase and into their suite. Time stood still when he shut the door and stood her in front of him. They stared at each other for a moment and then Cal reached for her. Without hesitation she came to him and gave herself to him willingly. Their movements were rushed and desperate as they undressed each other, as if what was happening would suddenly stop. They fell to the floor in a tumbled heap, unaware they had not made it to the bed. Over and over again she cried out his name until finally they passed the point of no return and she felt her body break into a million pieces beneath him. She had never experienced anything like it in her life and for a breathless moment she couldn't move, nor breathe, nor barely even think clearly as she slowly came back to earth.

It was then that she began to cry, for what reason she wasn't sure. She just knew that everything had changed and nothing would be as it was. How could she continue to live life as before knowing that she didn't have his love as he had hers? How could she when now knew what it could be like between them? What was she going to do?

"Olivia," he whispered as he pulled back to look at her. "Why are you crying?"

She smiled through her tears and pushed her dark thoughts aside. "No reason," she answered touching his face. "No reason at all."

They lay there until the floor became too uncomfortable and they made their way to their bed. Olivia held onto to him tightly, afraid if she let go she would lose him and what they had shared.

The next morning the sun filtered through the pale ivory sheers on the windows and across the bed where Olivia and Cal lay. She awoke to the feel of Cal's arm lying heavily on her hip and the sound of his deep breathing next to her ear. She smiled and stretched as contentment curled warmly through her. At her movement, Cal groaned and pulled her closer against him.

She slowly turned so that she was facing him and could look at him in his sleep. Like this, he was so serene and almost boyish in his features. She reached out to lightly touch his face and then brushed a dark lock of hair from his forehead.

As Olivia lay there looking at her husband she couldn't help but wonder what this morning would bring. Things had been so tense between them and this was the first time he had touched her intimately since the birth of the twins. She had almost given up hope that they would ever reconnect again, but last night proved that there was still something there. She was determined to take it, hold on to it and make the most of whatever she was given. She had to make Cal see how happy they could be together, how wonderful their life could be.

At that moment, she heard the distant sound of one of the babies crying. She slid quietly from the bed, threw her gown on and made her way to the nursery. Just as she walked through the door Mrs. Ryan was coming from her adjoining room. The two women stopped and Mrs. Ryan gave Olivia a nod.

"Good morning, Mrs. Hockley."

"Good morning," she replied in turn as she continued in the room. It was Catherine who was the culprit and by the time Olivia reached the crib, her crying had reached a fever pitch. She reached down and picked up her daughter and snuggled her little body against her own.

"Ssshh," she began to comfort the wiggling baby. "There, there, mommy's here."

"She's probably both wet and hungry," Mrs. Ryan informed her smugly as she clasped her hands in front of her ample figure. "She's always the first to wake up."

Olivia threw the woman a cool look before heading over to the table where they changed their soiled cloths. She had just laid Catherine down when she felt the other woman come up behind her.

"There's no need to do that, Mrs. Hockley. I'll have her changed and fed before you know it and then I'll bring her to you when she's more content."

Olivia tensed and slowly turned to her. "I'm quite capable of changing my daughter's soiled linens, Mrs. Ryan. _I am_ their mother after all."

"Of course, ma'am, but..." the woman gave Olivia a look mild scorn as she spoke. "If you don't mind me saying so, ma'am, the other families I have worked for understood what my position in the household is. They have never minded giving up the… more unpleasant duties of taking care of children, if you will."

Olivia turned back to Catherine who was gearing up for another tantrum. "I appreciate your candor, Mrs. Ryan," she said coldly over her shoulder. "But, I can manage."

"Very well, Mrs. Hockley," she answered stiffly. "I'm only following Mr. Hockley's orders. I'm sure he will not be pleased with this turn of events."

Just as Olivia was going to answer her, Nathaniel let out a wail from his crib. It was hard to tell who was the more unhappy at that moment, he or Catherine. She finally managed to get a clean diaper on her squirming daughter and when she finally picked her up and turned, Mrs. Ryan was still standing there. She gave Olivia a haughty smile that set her teeth on edge.

"Mrs. Ryan," she said taking on a superior tone. "Would you please see to Nathaniel while I see to Catherine or would that be asking too much of you?"

"Not at all, Mrs. Hockley," she answered with a thin smile. "I was just waiting for your instructions."

"Then do what I instructed," Olivia snapped before she could catch herself. "And take care of my son."

"Yes ma'am," she nodded awkwardly and walked over to the crib.

Once the twins were taken care of Olivia headed back to the suite. She was tired of Mrs. Ryan's attitude and she was going to take care of her immediately. She was going to see that that woman was gone by the end of the day and the next nanny that was hired would be of her choosing.

When she entered the room, Cal was still asleep. She got back into bed and lay down close to him. He stirred, mumbled and then let out a low rumble of laughter. He snuggled into her hair and kissed the side of her neck. Olivia smiled, forgetting Mrs. Ryan and her anger and turned to him, wrapping her arms around him.

"Good morning, darling," she whispered.

"Morning," he whispered sleepily and rolled over onto his back. He tugged on her arm, pulling her up so that she was looking down at him, her hair draped across his shoulder. "I was afraid last night was a dream."

"It wasn't a dream," she shook her head. "It was real… very real," she told him as she cupped his face.

He grinned and lifted her hand up, kissing her palm. "You look beautiful this morning."

"So do you," she laughed huskily and bent her head to kiss him softly. It was wonderful being with her husband this way, the way it should be, the way she wanted it to be. When she pulled back he was staring at her with a slight look of puzzlement. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"That's the first time you've ever kissed me," he answered.

She shook her head in denial. "No, it isn't. I've kissed you many times."

He smiled and wrapped a finger around a lock of her hair. "What I mean is that's the first time you've ever kissed me without my kissing you first."

Olivia realized what he said was the truth. She had never done what she just did, she never felt at liberty to do so. She was amazed how easily it happened as well. In fact, it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

"Olivia," he said as he slid his hand behind her neck. "What happened last night… what we shared was… incredible."

"It was more than incredible," she refuted him softly and smiled.

He pulled her down to him until their lips were nearly touching. His smoldering dark eyes bore into hers. "Perhaps, if we try, we can see how much more incredible it can be."

Already Olivia could sense the tension mounting within her body. Any logical thought left her when their lips finally met. Just as the night before, they came together in a swirl of passion that threatened to consume them. For a small moment in time it was only she and Cal and their need for each other. When she could take no more, she cried out his name in her release.

"I love you," she cried huskily. "I love you, my darling."

They held each other until he finally had to leave her for the day. Olivia was secure in her position as the lady of the manor now and she was determined to make a good life for her husband and children. It also gave her great pleasure in sending Mrs. Ryan on her way. She was Mrs. Caledon Whitmore Hockley after all and it was about time she started acting like it.


	9. Chapter Nine

**Chapter Nine**

Olivia hummed to herself as she adjusted the large vase on the dining room table. She had spent the morning cutting and arranging flowers throughout the house as a surprise for Cal and had planned a special dinner for him. He was due home any time and she wanted everything to be perfect.

Marietta came into the room at that time and smiled in appreciation. "Glory be ma'am, Mr. Hockley should be right pleased when he sees this."

"I hope so, Marietta." She gave the room one more cursory glance. Satisfied with the results, she then turned to herself. "I have to go get myself ready before he arrives," she said as she headed for the door. She wanted time to make herself as beautiful as possible for her husband.

"I nearly forgot why I came in here, ma'am," Marietta said stopping her. "Your sister is here and waiting for you in the parlor."

"My sister?" she said in surprise. What was Emma doing here? Giving Marietta a look of puzzlement she quickly made her way from the dining room to the parlor. When she opened the door Emma turned to her. It was quite clear she had been crying and was very upset.

"Emma, what in the world?" she rushed over to her. Emma burst into more tears as Olivia enveloped her in her arms. "What is it? Why are you crying? What's happened?" Olivia asked as she soothed her.

"It's Mother," Emma cried out her answer in a muffled voice. "I can't stand it any longer."

"Stand what? What's happened?" she asked.

"She's impossible, that's what!" Emma stomped her foot and pulled back. "She's ruining my life."

Olivia took her by the hands and led her over to the sofa. "Okay, let's sit down and you tell me what has you so upset. What has Mother done?"

Emma swiped an agitated hand at her tears and took a deep breath. "I don't know where to start."

"Then start at the beginning," Olivia suggested.

"It," she sniffed. "It started last summer, but no one knew except for me. I met someone… a boy. He's so sweet, Liv. His name is Joshua."

Olivia smiled. So, her sister was growing up after all. She supposed it was about time, she was sixteen now and had grown into a lovely young woman. She also knew how their mother could be and she could only guess at what had Emma so upset.

"He's smart and handsome too," Emma continued. "He's much more mature than any of the boys Mother is always trying to push on me, but he's… he's not of our social standing. He works in the stables tending to the horses. But Liv, I don't care about any of that. I love him just the way he is."

Olivia was starting to see a picture form. She knew how fiercely Constance Barlow held dear her society position and the mere thought of anything or anyone tarnishing that image was completely unimaginable. She squeezed Emma's hand, smiled sympathetically and tried to reassure her nonetheless. "I'm sure it's not as bad as you think."

"It's worse than bad! Mother is sending me away. She's sending me to Europe to a boarding school. I don't want to go, Liv! I can't!" She cried and covered her face with her hands.

Olivia was shocked that her mother would go such extremes because of Emma's infatuation with a boy. There had to be more to it, but her sister was in pain and she wanted to help her. She gathered Emma into her arms and comforted her. "I'm sure Mother was just upset when she said that. We'll work it out, you'll see."

"She won't listen," she shook her head. "She's adamant about it. What am I going to do?"

It was at that time that the door to the parlor opened and Cal came in. The smile on his face faded when he saw the scene before him. He looked from Olivia to Emma as he stepped into the room. "Have I interrupted something?"

Emma turned from him, embarrassed at being caught crying. Olivia patted her arm and whispered for her to go wash her face and to compose herself. Emma nodded and brushed past Cal on her way out. When the door shut, Olivia stood and came over to him.

"I'm sorry, darling. She's very upset. I wasn't expecting her tonight but I hope you don't mind."

"I had hoped to have you all to myself but I suppose I can wait," he answered with a small smile. "What has her so upset?"

"Apparently she's been seeing this boy that my mother doesn't approve of and she's decided to send her a boarding school in Europe. As you can see, Emma is not very happy about it."

He strolled over to the bar and poured himself a drink. "I'm sure you're mother is doing what she feels is best for Emma. There's no reason for you to become involved in this."

"How can I not be involved? She's my sister and she's come to me for support." She came around to stand in front of him.

"Olivia," he sighed. "We have enough to worry about with our own children and our own lives. Now, let your parents handle your sister."

"But-" she started, but was interrupted when Cal held up his hand and shook his head.

"I don't want to hear anymore about this subject. You can't drop everything because your sister is having a small crisis. It sounds to me like your mother is doing the correct thing, especially if this young man is not up to our standards."

Olivia stared at him for a moment. "But Cal, she doesn't want to go, _I_ don't want to her to go. I can't just stand by and let this happen."

"It's not your place to decide her fate, it's your parents," he loosened his tie as he spoke. "Now, I've heard enough about this. Let's go into dinner."

She didn't want to argue with him but she was hurt at his dismissal of her feelings. She had hoped things would change, however it seemed the more things changed the more they stayed the same. She decided to not push it further for the moment, but she was not finished discussing this. She wouldn't let her mother send her sister away, there had to be a way to fix the problem.

Cal held out his arm to her and escorted from the room. Emma met them on their way and blushed when she saw them.

"I'm sorry for barging in on you like this," she said. "I don't want to bother you, so do you mind if I go up and see my niece and nephew?"

"Aren't you hungry?" Olivia asked.

"No, I'm really not," Emma shook her head. "I'd rather go upstairs."

"If you'd rather," Cal nodded. "Oh, by the way, send Mrs. Ryan down when you get up there. I need to speak with her."

"Sure," Emma answered and turned to make her way up the staircase.

"Cal," Olivia said quietly as they continued to walk toward the dining room. "I have something to tell you about Mrs. Ryan. I…" she stopped and faced him. "I dismissed her today. She's gone."

The silence that followed was nearly deafening. Olivia could feel his body tense beneath the hand she had on his arm. He stopped momentarily and turned away from her.

"Cal," she softly said his name. "She was a horrid woman and I didn't like her being around our babies. Please try to understand why I took it upon myself to do this."

When he turned back to her his dark eyes sparkled with anger. "How dare you so blatantly go against me in this matter." He then gripped her arm and pulled her back to the parlor.

Olivia could feel the heat coming from his body as he opened the door and led her in. He had barely shut it when he whirled her around to face him. "Do you have any idea what you've done?"

"Yes," she answered without hesitation. "I did what I thought was best for our children. I told you how I felt about her."

Cal glared at her as if he couldn't believe she had the nerve to answer him. "I specifically told you to let the woman do her job and now I find you've taken it upon yourself to dismiss her."

"I'm sorry Cal, but I couldn't stand her one more day. The woman was unbearable," Olivia said in defense of herself.

He threw his head back and let out a deep breath. "Do you honestly believe I care about the woman's disposition? You have defiedme yet again with this act of impudence."

"No," she shook her head in denial reaching for him. "No Cal, that's not true."

"Mrs. Ryan will be reinstated by morning and I don't want to hear another word about this," he snapped and stepped away from her.

Olivia let out a small gasp. "You're bringing her back?" she breathed the question. "But, you can't…"

Cal turned around and stared scathingly at her. "I can't? I _can't?_ Is that what you said?"

"I…" she whispered, but said nothing further as she watched him walk slowly around the leather sofa. The casualness of his movements belied his controlled anger. She should have known his reaction would be like this. She shouldn't have been so bold. She licked her dry lips as he came to stand back in front of her again. He stared down at her before running his finger down her cheek.

"Do not try to take advantage of our tryst last night, my dear," he drawled dangerously. "I may have enjoyed your company, but do not think I will be blinded by it. I_ am_ still in control here and you would be wise to remember that."

Olivia couldn't believe what she was hearing. Did he honestly believe that she would do that? If anything, it was her confidence of finally finding her place as his wife that prompted her actions. Why couldn't he see that?

A knock at the door interrupted them and then Emma came in. She seemed oblivious to the tension in the room. "The babies are so cute. They're getting so big, Liv. I just adore them."

Olivia forced a smile in spite of how she felt. "Thank you, Emma."

"Oh Cal, Mrs. Ryan isn't up there, only Angelina. She said Mrs. Ryan was gone." Emma said as she went to sit on the sofa.

"Yes," he answered. "I did remember she was going to be out tonight, but she'll back in the morning. Isn't that right, Olivia?" he looked pointedly at her as he spoke.

She lowered her eyes away from him and crossed her arms. She realized she had no choice but to comply with his wishes if she wanted the peace between them to remain. There was no other way. "Yes, that's right," she said turning to him stiffly. "She'll be returning in the morning."

Cal gave her a self-satisfied smile of triumph and slid his arm around her waist. "Well then, now that that's settled, I'm starving. Are you joining me?"

"No," she shook her head. "I'll stay with Emma and eat later."

"As you wish," he bowed his head and turned to leave. Another knock on the door had them all turning to it. Their butler, Henderson came in and informed them that Constance and Charles were there and it wasn't hard to figure out why.

Emma stood quickly to her feet and looked at Olivia. "Oh no! It's Mother and Father!" she cried, tears forming in her eyes. "Liv, you have to stop Mother from sending me away. Please, please talk to her. Please don't let her do it!"

"Emma," Olivia said in comforting voice. "Don't worry, everything will be okay."

The door opened and Constance stalked in with her husband in tow behind her. From the expression on her face Olivia knew this wasn't going to be easy. She walked straight over to Emma drew herself up.

"Young lady, I have been worried sick about you. I can't believe you would just run away without any word. You are to never do anything like this again, is that clear?"

Emma's demeanor wavered for a moment but she stood strong in front of her mother. "I wouldn't have run away if you weren't trying to ruin my life."

Constance sighed heavily. "I have had enough of this behavior from you, Emma. We will discuss this matter at home."

Emma stared pleadingly at Olivia, who stepped forward to stand by her sister.

"Mother, Emma is very upset right now. I'm sure if we talk about this we can work something out."

Constance crossed her arms as she addressed Olivia. "Your sister was wrong in coming here to you. Your father and I will handle this in the way we feel best."

"I couldn't agree more," Cal said. "This is a matter for you and Charles to settle among yourselves."

Olivia glared at him for a moment before turning back to her mother. "I don't feel that sending Emma away will accomplish anything. It will only make her resent you even more."

"I will not stand here and discuss this any longer." Constance held up her hand. "Your sister is not going to see that boy again. She will not bring shame and disgrace upon our good name by keeping company with that… that… stable hand."

"You don't even know him!" Emma cried. "He loves me and I love him and nothing you say or do will keep it from being that way."

"I have heard enough." Constance said stonily. "You are leaving for London this weekend. It's already been arranged."

"No!" Emma shook her head. "I won't go! Olivia, please don't let her do this!"

Olivia heart went out to her sister and wished that things could be different. Before she could answer Cal came up to stand behind her. He lowered his head until his mouth was next to her ear. "This is becoming rather tiresome. You are not to interfere with this any further, Olivia. I want this to come to an end now."

She turned sharply to look at him. She was shocked and appalled at what he said. Did he expect for her to turn her back on her sister when she needed her? But, it was quite obvious he did mean it. She looked back at Emma and saw the look of despair on her beautiful features. She was torn over what to do.

"Do not disobey me on this," he whispered and tightened his grip on her waist.

Olivia closed her eyes as the heaviness of the situation fell on her. As much as she wanted to help her sister, she couldn't come against Cal. She already knew what that would mean for her and she just could not do it. She cleared her throat and moved forward to take Emma by the hands.

"You," she paused and licked her lips. "You should go with Mother, Em. It's for the best. I know you can't see that now, but one day you will."

The look of betrayal on Emma's face was more than Olivia could bear. A small tear slid down Emma's cheek as she swallowed hard. She stepped away from her and then without a word she turned and ran out of the room.

Constance took a deep breath and came over to Olivia. "Thank you for that, darling. She will see that it's for the best." She kissed her cheek, gave her a brief hug and turned toward the door. "Come along, Charles."

Charles, who had said nothing the entire time, came over to Olivia and kissed her as well. "She'll be fine, Olivia. She's young and she needs time to be away from here."

As Olivia watched her parents leave she had never felt so horrible in her life. Before she could stop herself, she broke into tears and covered her face. She cried for Emma and she cried for herself.

"It is for the best," Cal said. "Dry your tears, darling. We still haven't had dinner."

And with that Cal left the room, leaving Olivia alone once again.


	10. Chapter Ten

**I want to update everyone on the changes I've recently made to my story. Nothing really major, I just combined 2 small chapters to make 1 larger one. So now instead of 18, I have 10. Confused yet? I hope not because I think this is much better. I felt that my chapters needed to be beefed up some and so with that being said, I expanded Ch 10 (formerly Ch 18) and added some more scenes to hopefully give it more feeling. From here on out, my chapters will be a little longer and little more in depth. I also went back and dated the events at the beginning of the chapters where time had passed. I did it for you all and for myself so that I could keep up with where I was in relation to the time frame. I was getting a bit confused on what year I was in, lol. **

**Anyway, just wait until you see what I have in store for Olivia and Cal... (smiles an evil grin).**

**janetweiss and roxy: I am updating and I hope you like the changes I've made. Thanks for reading and reviewing, I really, really appreciate it.**

**Eliza, Lilly and Janell: Isn't Joshua such a cutie? I have to admit, I sort of modeled him after Jack just to give Cal a tweak on the nose, lol. That's why he had such the reaction to him, but as you read this chapter you'll see that I beefed those scenes up a little more. I don't think we've seen the last of Joshua. I liked him so much as I was writing him that I came up with some other ideas to bring him into the forefront more. **

**Thanks for the reviews everyone and keep 'em coming!**

**Tipper**

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**Chapter Ten**

May, 1914

The train platform was bustling with activity as Olivia, Cal, Cal's ever present manservant, McBride, her parents and Emma made their way through the crowd. Olivia glanced back over her shoulder to her sister, who looked so forlorn and despondent that her heart went out to her.

"Come along, Olivia, I don't want to dawdle about here all day," Cal said next to her.

Olivia turned sharply to him and furrowed her brows. "Have you no compassion at all? My sister is being sent away for a very long time and I can do nothing to stop it."

"Stop playing the dramatics, darling. Your sister will be fine. This is the best thing for her."

"I don't happen to think so, but it's quite obvious my opinion means nothing… to you or to my mother," she accused bitterly.

Cal sighed and adjusted his hat before turning away from her in dismissal.

"Emma," Constance said her younger daughter's name in reproach. "Stop slouching and stand up straight for goodness sake. You act as if you're going to your execution."

"I wish I were," Emma bit out as tears welled up in her eyes again.

"Nonsense," Constance lowered her voice. "I will not hear another word about this. As soon as you're settled you'll see this was the right choice. _Edenbrook School for Girls_ is the most exclusive school for young ladies in all of Europe. Only the most influential and wealthiest families send their daughters there."

Olivia stood back and watched the conversation between her mother and Emma with disdain. She wished she could step in and support Emma, but Cal had made his feelings clear on the subject… she was not to interfere. The very fact that he had let her come to see Emma off at all was remarkable. She still shuddered with humiliation at the way she had to beg him to allow her to come and when he finally relented he made it clear that he would be accompanying her.

As she turned to look up at him, she saw something in the corner of her eye that caught her attention. A young man with scruffy blond hair was nearing them, his hat twisting nervously in his hands. Olivia watched as he neared them and wondered what he was doing. Suddenly, he drew himself up in a proud stance and called out Emma's name. Emma turned and her face turned pale and her eyes widened.

"Joshua!" she exclaimed.

Constance blanched at the outburst. She sucked in her breath as she wheeled around to face the young man. "What are _you _doing here?"

"I'm here to see Emma before she leaves," he answered firmly, unwavering against Constance's glare.

"Young man, how _dare_ you show your face? I insist that you leave this instant."

"No," he said as he stepped forward. "You can send her away, but you can't keep me from saying goodbye."

Olivia smiled at the actions of this scruffy young man. So this was Joshua. Emma was right, he wasn't of their social standing, his clothing alone told that story, but still… there was something about him, something that was proud and strong, strong enough to come against Constance Barlow in all her fury.

"Emma," he said her name and held out his hand. Emma slowly put her hand in his as he led her away from them.

"Charles, do something!" Constance let out strangled whisper as the young couple stopped some distance away and began talking to each other.

"Constance, calm down." Charles shook his head. "The lad is not whisking her away, he's saying goodbye. Let him have his say and he'll leave."

Olivia smiled even wider at her father's response. She was glad to see that he didn't always conform to her mother's wishes. Constance drew herself up stiffly, her faced pinched in anger.

"What are you smiling about?" Cal growled in her ear. "I suppose you find this to be acceptable. That ruffian should be horsewhipped."

"He's done nothing wrong, Cal." Olivia defended him.

"I should have known you would say that. You're all the same - all of you. Let some gutter rat come along and you're seeing stars. Well, I won't stand for it." He spat and started to move.

"What are you-" was as far as she got before he stalked over to Emma and Joshua. "Cal!" she stepped forward but was restrained by McBride. Angrily she tried to free her arm from his vice like grip, but he held tight.

"What do you think you're doing?" she questioned him hotly. He stared down at her and shook his head. Olivia couldn't believe he had the audacity to touch her.

"Stay here," he instructed as he moved toward the trio.

As Olivia watched, Cal grabbed Joshua by the arm and spun him around. "This has gone far enough," he declared angrily. "You were asked to leave and I suggest you do so now."

Joshua jerked his arm away from Cal's grasp. "Get your hands off me. I don't answer to you."

Cal stepped back for a moment, seemingly surprised by the young man's defiance. Then his anger returned and he snarled as he gripped his fists at his side. "If you don't leave willingly than you'll leave forcefully by whatever means necessary."

"Your threats don't worry me," Joshua countered. "I don't answer to you. You may be rich, but that doesn't give you the right to push me around." He then turned to her parents. "And that goes for all of you. I love Emma, right or wrong, I love her. You can send her away but I'll still love her and she'll love me. You can't keep us apart forever."

"_You_," Constance hissed. "Do you think I'm going to allow you to ruin my daughter's life? You're sadly mistaken if you think I'll ever let that happen. If I have any say you will never see her again."

Joshua nodded his head in response. "I have no doubt you'll try. But, Emma and I love each other and there's nothing you can do about that. Sending her away won't erase our feelings."

Emma's face shown bright, her love for Joshua beaming forth. Olivia had never seen her sister look so happy when only moments before she was desolate.

"We'll just see about that." Constance answered harshly. "Furthermore, you are to never step one foot on our property again. If you do I shall have no choice but to have you arrested and thrown in jail."

"I'm not afraid of your threats, Mrs. Barlow." Joshua told her. "I'm not afraid of you or your money. I may only be a stable hand for the moment but I intend to make something of myself."

"Young man," Constance drawled, her voice dripping with scorn. "I could care less what you do with your miserable life as long as my daughter is not involved. She is far too young and impressionable to realize what a mistake she is making so I have no choice but to take matters into my own hands. I will make sure you never have contact with her again."

"Say what you will, but one day we will be together. I'm going to marry your daughter, Mrs. Barlow and she will be my wife. If she'll have me," he said as he turned to a stunned Emma.

Everyone gasped at the audacity of this young man who so boldly declared his intentions for Emma right in front of them. That's when Olivia realized that what she was witnessing, she had never had. This was real love, this was passion and devotion and it was real. She had no doubt of that.

"I do love you, Emma," he said as he cupped her face in the palm of his hands. "I'll never love anyone the way I love you. I'll wait for you for as long as it takes." Then he lowered his head and kissed her, a sweet, tender kiss so full of love that Olivia could feel it from where she was standing.

"This is ridiculous!" Cal hissed as he turned to McBride. "I want you to remove this piece of filth from these premises and make sure he is barred from re-entering."

McBride responded with a nod and moved toward Joshua, but Joshua held up his hand. "I wouldn't if I were you."

McBride stopped and smiled, apparently amused by the young man's warning, but Cal was anything but amused. "What are you waiting for you idiot? Remove him now!" he ordered.

McBride flinched for a moment but kept his composure. "Yes, sir," he muttered and continued toward Joshua.

"I won't let you do this!" Emma cried as she jumped in front of her beloved. "Cal, stop this, please! I'm begging you."

"It's alright," Joshua said taking her by the arms. "I'll leave now, not because I'm being told to, but because it's time."

"No, Joshua!" Emma shook her head as she turned to him. "Don't leave."

"I have to, but you have to make me a promise right here and right now."

"Anything," Emma responded desperately.

"Don't forget me. Promise me you won't ever forget me."

"I will never forget you… I promise." Emma answered firmly. "I love you, Joshua Harris. I'll love you forever!" she declared as she hugged him tightly.

Joshua gave her one final kiss and then he turned to leave. "Never forget."

Olivia felt her heart break, for her sister and for herself. As she glanced over to Cal, who was still greatly agitated, she knew then that nothing had changed. Cal lusted after her… when it suited him, but he had never loved her. Not the way Joshua obviously loved Emma.

"Well," Constance huffed as they watched Joshua disappear into the crowd. "I have never seen such an ill-bred young person in all of my life. I hope you are happy, Emma. If you wanted to humiliate your family you have succeeded."

"Stop it, Mother." Olivia said stepping forward to wrap her arm around Emma's shoulder. "No one has been humiliated. As Father said, the young man had his say and now he is gone."

Constance narrowed her gaze upon Olivia. "Don't coddle her, Olivia. Don't you see what she has done by associating with that stable boy? All of our private family business displayed for prying eyes. Of course we've been humiliated. The sooner she's away from that boy, the better."

Olivia felt Emma lean against her, her body trembling from all that had taken place. She squeezed her shoulder tighter, letting Emma know she was supporting her, even only in a small way. "I have not been humiliated," she spoke clearly. "Stop badgering her, she's been through enough. Can't you see what this is doing to her?"

Constance's eyes widened for a moment before narrowing again. "I have had enough of this." She drew herself up and turned away from Olivia and Emma. "Charles, collect your daughter and let's be on our way."

Charles came over to them, his face softening toward them both. He reached over and kissed Olivia's cheek. She hugged him and then turned to Emma and gathered her in her arms for one last hug.

"I love you, Em. I will miss you terribly. Make the best of it and one day if it's truly meant to be, you and Joshua will be together."

Emma pulled back and looked at her sister as if she couldn't believe what she had just heard. "I love you, too, Olivia. Thank you."

With one more final hug, Emma was led away by her parents to board the train that would take them to the New York harbor. From there they would sail to Europe. She didn't know when she would see her sister again, but she had a feeling that whatever offerings life brought her, she would be just fine.


	11. Chapter Eleven

**Hey everyone. I just wanted to thank you for hopefully sticking with me during my changes. I had a great time writing this chapter, it's a little different and got me out of the rut I was in. **

**P.S. Lilly- this one's for you...**

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**Chapter Eleven**

June 1914

A warm breeze blew across the lawn where Olivia sat with two of her childhood friends, Thalia Wentworth and Charlotte Carter-Smith. She had begun to feel cut off from her own life and with Emma gone it made her realize that it had been a very long time since she had been in contact with any of her old friends.

Cal was to be gone for several days to survey some holdings of his father's outside of New York City so this gave her the perfect opportunity to socialize outside of the small circle of her children and family. Thalia and Charlotte were eager to come and visit with her as she was them. She had a table set up underneath the large oaks in the back of the estate and there the three young women sat together chatting among themselves.

"Olivia, I can't tell you how wonderful it was to hear from you," Thalia said brightly. "We were beginning to wonder if you were ever going to come out of hiding."

Olivia smiled at her friend. Thalia was unmarried as of yet but was still hoping to meet an eligible man to marry. With her honey brown hair and sparkling blue eyes, it was only a matter of time before she caught the eye of someone.

"I wasn't hiding silly, I was otherwise occupied," Olivia answered with a small laugh. "Having twins tends to put a damper on socializing."

"I don't see why." Charlotte responded with a carefree shake of her head. "That's what nanny's are for."

"Charlotte," Thalia reprimanded her friend. "You mustn't say things like that. Don't listen to her, Olivia."

Olivia turned her attention to Charlotte who was smiling coyly. With her dark raven hair and emerald green eyes, she always had an exotic look about her that Olivia used to envy. She never had trouble attracting the opposite sex, but she was capricious and had broken the hearts of many a young man.

"Charlotte, I have a nanny, but I prefer to have a more hands on approach where my children are concerned. That may take away from my social life somewhat, but the rewards are far greater than what I'm giving up."

"I didn't mean anything by it, Liv." Charlotte laughed airily. "I just can't imagine _me _living this kind of life. Marriage, babies… I don't want to be that tied down."

"I do," Thalia chimed in dreamily. "I envy your life, Olivia. You have the most beautiful babies and the most handsome husband. Being married to Cal Hockley must be so wonderful. Is he as romantic as he seems?"

Olivia froze for a moment, not quite sure how to answer. She didn't want anyone to know or to even suspect the true nature of her marriage to Cal. It was humiliating enough to have to live it, without it being known to her friends. As long as everyone believed that she had the fairy tale romance, that's all that really mattered.

"Of course," she lied smoothly. "I am a very lucky woman."

"He's so attractive and debonair," Thalia continued with her perusal. "Too bad he doesn't have a brother."

Olivia and Charlotte laughed at Thalia's comment and her too obvious desire for a husband. Secretly, Olivia thought that Charlotte was the wisest of them all. But, it was too late for thoughts like that. Her life was what it was and nothing could change it.

"Oh," Charlotte interrupted the moment by taking Olivia's hand. "I have some very interesting news, Liv. I have found out through a very reliable source something that I know will fascinate you."

Perplexed as to what it could be, she waited for Charlotte to tell her.

"Well," Charlotte lowered her voice for dramatic effect. "It seems that Ruth DeWitt-Bukater has gotten herself married. Can you believe that? He's not as wealthy as her first husband but he's not unfortunate either. Mother says that the poor woman should be thankful anyone would have her."

Olivia stared at her friend, too shocked to answer. Thankfully Thalia took up the slack.

"I heard that, as well. He's 'new money' so I hear. He owns a string of clothing businesses. He's quite a bit older than her I believe."

"She certainly has come down from her position since the Titanic incident." Charlotte went on and on. "She's not so high and mighty now, that's for sure. Why, I remember Rose once told me that her mother locked her in her room all day just for having a conversation with her father's valet. What a horrible woman she was."

"Charlotte," Thalia whispered with her brows knitted together. Having caught Charlotte's attention, Thalia darted her eyes toward Olivia, who was pale as a ghost and as silent.

"Perhaps we should change the subject."

"What?" Charlotte questioned offensively. "It's nothing to her what Ruth does, I just thought she'd be interested."

"Obviously she's not," Thalia admonished. "I'm sure Olivia doesn't want to know what Ruth DeWitt-Bukater is up to these days. We should have thought to be more sensitive of this subject."

"You can't change history, Thalia. Olivia knows that. Okay, so Rose was engaged to Cal once upon a time. Rose died and Cal lived, you can't change what is. Olivia is married to Cal now and that's what counts."

"Charlotte, you are far too outspoken and it's going to get you in trouble one of these days." Thalia threw down her napkin. "Can't you see that Olivia is upset? Can't you see that this is a subject that is too painful for her? I don't know what gets in that head of yours."

"I didn't mean to hurt her. That was not my intention. But, we can't pretend that Rose never existed and that she was in fact engaged to Cal. From all I heard she wasn't so happy about it anyway."

"Charlotte!" Thalia exclaimed and stood. "I think you've said enough. If you don't stop I'm taking Olivia inside and you can see yourself out."

Olivia was taking all of this in but for the life of her she couldn't find the words to say to stop it. Deep down inside she knew that Charlotte hadn't meant to hurt her, but she had. Of course, Charlotte had no way of knowing what a truly sensitive subject Rose was to her and how deep that hurt ran. If she did, she knew her friend wouldn't have said such things. Clearing her throat she finally found her voice, shaky though it was.

"I…" she said as she stood. "I think I'll go in and check on Catherine and Nathaniel. Excuse me." She laid her napkin down and left the table. She had just made it to the patio doors when she heard Thalia come up behind her.

"Olivia, wait." She called to her.

Olivia stopped for a moment but didn't turn to face her.

"I apologize for Charlotte," she said as she came around to her. "She doesn't really mean to say hurtful things, she's just outspoken at times. Please don't be upset with her."

Olivia gave her a small smile. "I know how Charlotte is. I'm not upset with her. Maybe with what she said but not with her."

"She's never been the bashful sort," Thalia joked quietly and laughed when Olivia rolled her eyes.

"No, she's never been that."

"Why don't we go check on your beautiful babies, hmmm? I want to kiss their faces off while their still young enough to not know what I'm doing."

Olivia laughed and hugged her friend. "Thank you, Thalia. I'm so glad you came to visit… and Charlotte, too. I think."

Laughing, the two women made their way upstairs to the nursery. Mrs. Ryan didn't excuse herself from the room when they entered, but instead sat in a rocker close to the door observing their actions. Already on edge, Olivia turned to the frowning woman and asked her to please leave. It was clear she didn't like it, but she did as Olivia had told her. She drew herself up and threw her head back as she huffed out of the door.

"Well," Thalia snickered as she hefted Nathaniel onto her hip. "She's just a bucket of sunshine, isn't she?"

"You have no idea." Olivia answered as she lifted Catherine from her crib.

Her babies were five months old now and they were round as roly-poly's and just as cute. Nathaniel was growing faster than Catherine and looked so much like his father Olivia had to wonder if she had anything to do with it at all. Catherine didn't really look like either of them, but had her own look. Both babies had chocolate brown eyes, but whereas Nathaniel had Cal's dark hair, Catherine's was more of a strawberry blonde.

"I'm so jealous," Thalia said as she held Nathaniel up. "Not one, but two gorgeous babies. How can you keep your hands off of them?"

"I can't," she laughed as she sat down with Catherine in her lap. She handed her a silver rattle that had been a gift from Cal's parents. Immediately the chubby hand grabbed it and began shaking it wildly. "Sometimes, I can't believe they're mine. I look at them and have to wonder what I did to deserve them."

"I understand that. It's hard for me to believe you're a wife and mother now. Again, I'm insanely jealous of you," she laughed.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Olivia asked her quietly.

"Of course, you know you can."

"I'm going to have another baby in February right after the twins turn a year old."

Thalia gasped in her excitement. "Olivia!" she squealed jumping up from her seat. "How wonderful!"

Olivia accepted the hug and the congratulations, however she felt anything but excited. Getting pregnant again this soon was not her idea of a joyful experience. She hadn't even told Cal yet. She was waiting for his return to tell him. She knew what his reaction would be - he had told her many times that he wanted more children, or more sons to be exact. He wanted to know that the empire he inherited would be passed to his own sons and that Hockley Steel would never be owned by anyone other than a Hockley heir.

"Please keep this to yourself. I haven't told Cal yet," she said to Thalia.

"I promise, not a word to anyone." Thalia promised as she crossed her heart.

"I had hoped to have a little space between these two and the next one, but I guess you can't have everything the way you want it."

"At least they'll all grow up together. They'll always have someone to play with and to fight with."

"I suppose you're right." She agreed as she held Catherine up. Her daughter gave her a toothless grin as she shook the rattle around her head. Laughing, Olivia planted a kiss on her round cheek. A knock at the door had them turning to see Charlotte standing there. In her hand she held a small stick with one of the white linen napkins attached to the end of it.

"Truce," she waved it around in the doorway. "Liv, I'm so sorry. Thalia's right, I do have a big mouth and I don't know when to shut it. I didn't mean to hurt you and I won't mention _that_ name again in your presence."

Olivia and Thalia looked at each and burst out laughing. Olivia stood and walked over to Charlotte, stepping into a hug in the progress. "I forgive you, Charlotte. You wouldn't be you if you didn't speak your mind."

"I know, but I should know when to keep it in my mind and not let it come flying out of my mouth. Do you really forgive me?"

"Of course, I do." She nodded and hugged her again. At that moment, Catherine dropped her rattle and grabbed a handful of Charlotte's hair. When Olivia pulled back, so did the handful of hair.

"Oww!" Charlotte yelped leaning forward. "It's got my hair!"

Olivia chuckled as she detangled Charlotte's hair from her daughter's grasp. "_It's _a she and her name is Catherine," she told her. "And that is Nathaniel." She pointed to her son.

"Lovely, but _she_ pulled my hair out by the roots."

"She didn't mean any harm, she's only a baby. Would you like to hold her?"

Charlotte laughed loudly stepping away from Olivia and Catherine. "No thanks. I'm not good with babies. They don't like me and I'm not particularly fond of them, either."

"Maybe if you hold her you'll see it's not that bad."

"I don't think so, some other time maybe. I just came up to tell you I'm sorry and that I have to run. I'm meeting someone at two o'clock and I don't want to be late."

"A gentleman perhaps?" Thalia prodded jovially.

"Yes, and I'm not telling you who it is. You might know him and that would be bad for my reputation."

"He isn't married is he?" Thalia's eyes widened at the very idea.

Charlotte smiled demurely while putting her hair back in place. "What you don't know won't hurt you. Toodles all." She threw them a kiss as she sailed out of the door.

Once again, the two burst into laughter at their friend's antics. Thalia stayed a bit longer and then she left as well. It had been a good day with her friends except for the unpleasant incident about Ruth DeWitt-Bukater.

Now that she had calmed down she thought about what she had heard about Ruth and a part of her was happy for her. She had heard other stories of how Ruth had nearly gone into seclusion after Rose's death, so hearing that she had remarried had to be a good sign.

Realizing that she had to come to terms with the memory of Rose, she promised herself that she would no longer let it haunt her. Cal hadn't mentioned her in months and she hoped that he was gradually forgetting her, too.

Thinking of the present, her mind shifted to what she had confessed to Thalia. When Cal came home, she would tell him that he was to be a father again. No doubt he would be pleased, he was gaining another heir… would this be another prophetic Hockley son, she wondered? Regardless, it was to be her child and as it was with Nathaniel and Catherine, so it would be with this one.


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Here is my updated chapter, but after reading Lilly's I'm ashamed to put it on here... Oh well, I can only aspire to what she has accomplished with hers. ****Anyway, on to the thank you's because I really do appreciate any and all reviews I get.**

**Lorelei, thanks and I'm glad you're enjoying my story.**

**Eliza, yes Olivia has friends, she just lost contact with them. Hopefully, we'll see more of them as I go on.**

**Janell and Lilly, you guys are just awesome. You're reviews inspire me so much to keep writing and too keep going on. I know my storytelling doesn't quite have the flare of yours, Lilly but I do love writing it. Thanks for your encouraging words.**

**And Pema, I didn't catch you on the last chapter and I'm so, so sorry for that. I do appreciate your review since I was having a down moment and your review out of the blue perked me right up and helped me write the last chapter. So, thank you, my friend.**

**I'm worried about sancti, too. She was one of my best reviewers and then suddenly she's gone. I looked forward to her reviews and I was looking forward to more of her stories. Sancti? Where are you?**

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**Chapter Twelve**

The next day Cal returned home from his trip. Olivia was there to greet him when his motorcar pulled up the driveway. When the Daimler came to a rest, his driver stepped out and opened the door for him. Cal exited with McBride behind him.

"Here you are, sir." McBride said as he handed Cal his hat.

Cal took the hat from him and swept it toward the car. "McBride, make sure that my luggage is seen to."

"Yes, sir," he nodded. He stepped away from Cal and came toward Olivia in the process. For a brief moment their eyes caught and held. "Mrs. Hockley," he said with a quick nod as he passed.

Olivia had never paid any attention to McBride until that day at the train station when he had held her back from going after Cal. He was, after all, Cal's manservant, not someone she would normally associate with. But, after that day she had noticed him staring at her from time to time when he thought she wasn't aware of it.

He wasn't necessarily a strongly handsome man, but there was something about him that was strangely attractive. He was of medium height and build with short, dark brown hair and green eyes. His skin was also browned by the sun, not something normally seen of a man in his position. Sometimes she wondered how he came about doing this job since it seemed to her that it didn't quite suit him.

Olivia realized that she was staring back at him as her thoughts wondered. Embarrassed, she quickly turned her head away from him.

"Olivia," Cal called to her as he walked up. He bent and kissed her cheek with a small peck.

"Hello darling," she answered smiling up at him. "Did you have a good trip?"

"Yes, yes, it went very smoothly. I'm sure Father will be well pleased with the turn of events."

"Wonderful," she replied. "Are you hungry? I had Cook prepare your favorite meal."

"Splendid. I'm starving," he said wrapping his arm around her waist. "Let's go inside, shall we?"

Nodding, Olivia turned with him to go inside. From the corner of her eye she saw McBride stop for a moment and stare at them. Disturbed by this, she quickly stepped into the large foyer.

"It's good to be home," Cal said as he laid his hat on the round foyer table. Several newspapers were there accumulating from when he was gone. He picked up the top one, browsing over it while he loosened his tie. "How are the twins?"

"They're fine. Nathaniel had a bit of a rash but it's gone now."

"Anything exciting happen while I was away?"

"Nothing especially exciting. I did have Thalia Wentworth and Charlotte Carter-Smith over for lunch one day. It was so good to see them." Suddenly, his brows knitted together and stopped his movement. Puzzled, Olivia stared at him. "What is it? Is something wrong?"

He didn't answer for a moment, his eyes rapidly scanning the newspaper.

"Cal?" she questioned placing her hand on his arm. "Is something wrong?"

"There's been an incident in Serbia. The Archduke Ferdinand has been murdered."

"Who?" she asked coming around to see what he was referring to.

Seeing her reaction, he quickly closed the newspaper and set it down. "Nothing for you to worry about, my dear. Politics, nothing you'd be interested in."

"But, I am interested," she quickly interjected. "I used to talk with my father about these kinds of things. I find it all fascinating. "

Frowning, he turned from her to walk from the foyer into the large hall. "I'm not your father, Olivia. I prefer my wife to keep her mind where it belongs… on our children and our home."

Feeling frustrated with his dismissal of her, she followed him. "I can do both things, Cal. I'm not dimwitted. I can take care of our children and our home and still talk with you about current events. "

Sighing heavily, he stopped to look down at her. "Why must you always be so contrary? I'm tired and I'm hungry and the only thing I want is for my wife to share a quiet dinner with me and not barrage me with inane comments while doing so."

Olivia felt as if he had slapped her. She wasn't trying to bother him; she was merely trying to talk with him. She wanted him to see that she could be all things to him if he would let her. She had missed him while he was away and now suddenly she wished he hadn't come home. Guilt washed over her at that thought. This was not how she planned for it to be. She wanted to set the mood for when she told him about the baby and now it was ruined.

"I'm going to wash up, check on the twins and I'll be down shortly to hopefully have a quiet dinner with my wife," he said stepping away from her. Stopping at the bottom of the staircase he turned back to her. "Oh, and I hope you didn't take it upon yourself to do something disapproving while I was gone."

Olivia stiffened at his words. He still hadn't let her forget the incident with Mrs. Ryan. "No," she answered quietly. "I haven't done anything you would disapprove of."

Satisfied with her answer, he nodded and then ascended the stairs. Olivia stood there listening to the echoes of his footsteps until she could hear them no longer. What had just happened? One minute he was home and in a good mood, she was happy to see him and then just like that it had changed. Why did it always seem to go that way? Releasing a small sigh, she turned, only to find that she wasn't alone. There in the doorway of the foyer stood McBride holding Cal's luggage.

"How long have you been there?" she questioned him a bit harshly, once again embarrassed that he had caught her in another awkward moment.

He hesitated but then spoke. "Not long. I didn't want to intrude, so I didn't show myself."

"So, you heard everything?" she asked again, appalled that he had been a witness what had happened.

He looked at her as if contemplating his answer and then he nodded. "I heard, but it's really none of my business what goes on between you and your husband, Mrs. Hockley."

Olivia closed her eyes and tried to compose herself. She couldn't believe she was even standing here having this conversation. He was a servant, not a friend, not acquaintance, not anything. She stood straighter and looked over at him as coolly as she could manage.

"You are correct, Mr. McBride, it _is_ none of your business. I would appreciate it if in the future you refrain from making your presence known."

Then he smiled at her… _he smiled._ Olivia couldn't believe he had the nerve to do something so audacious. Irritation ran through her. "What, may I ask, is so amusing?"

He cleared his throat and shook his head. "Forgive me, Mrs. Hockley, I find nothing amusing. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"I didn't say you made me uncomfortable, Mr. McBride. Your presence means nothing to me one way or the other. My intent was to make sure that you knew what your position is and that is all."

Hefting Cal's luggage, he turned toward the staircase. "I'd better take this luggage up to Mr. Hockley." He paused and turned back to her with amusement in his eyes. "Thank you for setting me straight on what my position is."

If she didn't know better, she would have thought he was being facetious with her. Perhaps he was. Before she could respond he was already going up the stairs.

Men, she decided, were far too much trouble than they were worth. First, her husband dismissed her attempts to talk with him about something beyond their children and home without another thought while his manservant practically mocked her. Taking another deep breath, she shook her head, tried to clear her mind and went into the kitchen to make sure Cook had everything ready to begin serving their meal.

The rest of the evening passed relatively quiet. Every time Olivia thought about telling Cal about the baby, they were interrupted by one thing or the other. She decided to wait until they were alone in their room before breaking the news, but by the time she made it there he was already asleep. Nothing had gone as she had planned. Disappointed and wound tight from the day's activities she decided to go out onto the balcony for a breath of fresh air.

She changed out of her clothes into her gown and robe before opening the wide double doors and stepping outside. A cool breeze was blowing and felt wonderful against her skin. She walked over to the railing of the balcony and looked down over the dark, shadowy lawn. Down below a light spilled out onto the ground from one of the lower rooms.

Sighing, Olivia's mind couldn't help but wonder as she stood there contemplating everything that was her life. She supposed she was happy enough. Her life may not have gone the way she had expected, but then that was the way of it, she supposed. Still, she sometimes felt as if she were simply a bystander watching it pass her by, never a partaker only a viewer. She knew she was everything she was brought up to be, but there was a part of her that wondered if this was all there was… if what she was, was all she was ever meant to be.

Suddenly, a distant cough interrupted her thoughts and she saw something flicker down below. Slightly bending over, she watched a figure walking slowly across the lawn away from her. The glowing, orange tip of a cigarette marked the movements of the person as they stopped.

Olivia tried to make out who it was, but it was too dark to see. Straining to get a better glimpse, they moved again but this time back toward her. Coming from the shadow into the glow of light from the lower room she saw that it was McBride. He stopped again but this time he raised his head and looked directly up at her. Casually, he drew on the cigarette and blew out the smoke as a small smile came across his face.

Olivia pulled the lace robe around her and gripped it at her neck. She should have stepped back when he saw her, she should have gone right inside, but instead she stood there as if rooted to the ground. Moments passed as they stared at one another… one, whose gaze was bolder than it should have been and one whose gaze told too much.

Throwing the cigarette aside, McBride stepped forward so that he was standing nearly below her. Olivia knew she had stood there for far too long already and yet she still didn't move. A small gust of wind blew her hair forward and across her face to finally bring her back into reality, which was that she was outside in her gown looking down into the eyes of a man who was not her husband. She stepped back into the interior of the balcony and then into the room. She shut the doors behind her and leaned back against them. She took a calming breath as her mind raced with what had just occurred. It was nothing really, but it was something that should have never happened.

Glancing over at Cal asleep in their bed, she made her way over to him and crawled beneath the covers. She closed her eyes, but she could still her hear her heart beating in her chest. Cal stirred for a moment, but then went still again. As she lay there listening to the sound of his deep breathing, she let it soothe her until she was finally able to relax. Before long, sleep overtook her and allowed her to clear her mind of what happened. It was nothing, it meant nothing and it would lead to nothing. It couldn't… she was a married woman and he was but a servant and that's the way it was and the only way it could ever be.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

**Hello everyone, I finally updated. What a struggle I had with this chapter, it was so hard to write. I thought I would never finish it. Anyway, on to the thanks.**

**Janell: Affair? Olivia? I'll never tell, LOL (you'll have to read the story)**

**DK and Roxy, thanks for the reviews, you guys know I love them.**

**KM: Yes, this is what poor Rose probably would have had to live like. She was wise to get out and to live her life on her own terms. Thanks for the review, I appreciate it so much.**

**Lilly: Thank you for your help, you gave me the nudge I needed to go forward. Oh, btw, he's in his late twenties, LOL.**

**Lorelei, I just realized you're janetweiss! You changed monikers on me, lol. You've been with me from the beginning, so thanks to you my friend. I hope you continue to stick with me and send reviews. I never get tired of them.**

**Eliza, you are awesome and I thank you for your reveiws as well. You are always so encouraging to me.**

**Hope you all like this chapter, the feedback was both pro and con on McBride. I'm still feeling him out so I'll wait for more reviews to decide where to take it next. Enjoy!**

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**Chapter Thirteen**

It wasn't until the next evening that Olivia had the opportunity to tell Cal about the baby. They had gone into the parlor after dinner where Cal immediately immersed himself in the newspaper. Olivia paced around the room, looking over at him from time to time. Finally, she faced him and cleared her throat. "Cal, I have something to tell you," she started.

"Hmmm," he mumbled and glanced distractedly over at her "What is it?"

"Well," she smiled and bit her lip. "It seems I'm going to have another baby."

"What?" his eyes widened as he looked up at her. "Are you sure?"

"As sure as I can be. It will be some time in February."

He didn't say anything for a moment but laid his newspaper aside. Olivia stepped closer to him. "You are happy about it, aren't you?"

"Yes, yes, of course," he answered and smiled slightly. "I just wasn't expecting it this soon."

"Neither was I, but here we are," she replied with a quiet laugh. "I had hoped to have a bit of time between the twins but…"

Cal stood and walked over to the bar, pouring himself a snifter of brandy in the process. Olivia noticed that he hadn't so much as touched her, but had walked directly to the bar instead. She wanted him to touch her, to reassure her that this was something he was really happy about because she wasn't sure at all. She would have three children, all babies and as much as she loved being a mother, the prospect was a scary one.

"You really are pleased about it?" she asked again.

"Yes, I told you I wanted more sons and you are doing exactly as I had hoped when we married, which is providing me with them," he answered her before taking a sip of the brandy.

Olivia stared at him for a moment, not quite sure how to take his comment. To her, it seemed that he was comparing her to a baby breeding machine and nothing more. Surely, that wasn't his intent with what he said. He must have seen the look on her face for he came around the bar toward her.

"Come now, Olivia," he began as he came up to her. "Don't pretend that this wasn't part of the reason for our marriage. I made my desire for children very clear, mainly my desire for sons. I haven't misled you about that." His face softened for a moment as he lifted her chin to look at her. "Have I?"

"No," she shook her head as she answered him. He hadn't misled her, but somehow the way he said it made her think in some way he had. Then suddenly, something stirred within her… something she hadn't thought about in months… something that she had pushed very far back in her mind. It was right there, so close that the only thing she had to do was open the door to see it.

"I have never been anything but forthright in my desire for sons. The Hockley name must be preserved and as I am the only son my parents could have, it's my duty to make sure that it continues on," he told her.

Again, Olivia felt a sense of awareness. It was getting stronger with each passing moment. What was it? What could be pressing against her memory so intensely?

"Believe me when I say this is very good news, Olivia. Father will be pleased as well, I'm sure. He always regretted that my mother could never have more children after me."

"Father," she repeated his named in almost a whisper. _Father,_ she thought, _Nathan Hockley. _She searched her mind frantically now, knowing that it was close. Nathan Hockley had triggered something deep within her.

"Yes, my father," Cal answered her. He looked down at her with a puzzled look on his face. "Are you sure you're alright? You're not feeling ill are you?"

Olivia couldn't answer him. She was experiencing something she had never experienced before and it was so strange and foreign that it threatened to overwhelm her. It was coming back to her now. It was the night of their homecoming party and she was on the patio. She heard their voices, their laughter. _I hear old Nathan gave him ten million for marrying her and he'll get an additional five million for every son born to him. You know what that means for the poor girl don't you?_

Like a whirlwind it came back to her. The awful truth, the truth so painful she had blocked it out… until now. She stepped away from him and walked over to the sofa, turning her back to him in the process. She placed a shaking hand to her mouth to keep herself from reacting to what she now knew and could no longer hide from. A sickening feeling washed over her, threatening to consume her.

She heard Cal come up behind her, concern lining his voice. "Olivia darling, perhaps you should go lie down. You're not looking well at all."

She nearly laughed from the irony in that statement. Of course she wasn't looking well, she wanted to scream. How could she when she knew the truth of their marriage… the real truth! From the very beginning it had been a lie, all of it! All of this time when she thought that it was Rose that prevented them from being close it was really money. Money! His all consuming greed for money and the power it wielded.

…_five million for every son born to him. _Oh, dear God, could this be happening? She felt his hands tighten on her forearms when she slumped a little. Realizing this, she jerked away from him. She didn't want him to touch her.

"What is this, Olivia? What's going on with you?" Cal whirled her around. "One minute we're discussing our children and the next you look like you've seen a ghost."

She looked up into his eyes, those dark seductive eyes that had always been her undoing. _Please!_ She wanted to cry. _Please tell me it isn't true. Please tell me this wasn't the only reason for marrying me and having children with me. Please tell me that I mean more to you than that. _But, she couldn't say any of it. No wonder she had blocked it out, it was too horrible to think about.

As she stood there looking at him, she felt something cold begin to stir deep in her chest. She wasn't an idiot, she knew that things were less than perfect between them. She had always hoped that while she didn't have the love from him that she craved, that in some way he did care for her. The ultimate irony of it was, all of this time she thought her fight for him was against Rose's ghost, but now…

"Why do you have that look on your face? What's going on?" he demanded now, his brows furrowed together. "Talk to me, Olivia."

"I…" she finally managed. "I - I'm not feeling well. I'd like to go lie down as you said."

"Don't be absurd. I can see something is wrong, something more than just not feeling well. I want an answer from you and I want it now."

"It's nothing," she swallowed hard. "I, I guess it's been a long day and the twins were very active today. I'm just very tired, Cal."

His grip tightened on her arms as his face darkened. "You aren't telling me the truth. I can see it in your eyes."

"I just need to lie down," she answered him reluctantly. "Please, don't harass me."

He drew himself up then as a dangerous smile came across his face. "Harass you? I am your husband, my dear. I can do anything I please and you will do as you're told starting with telling me why you looked at me as if I had crawled out from beneath a rock. What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

Olivia contemplated her next move, her resilience growing weaker and weaker. If he would just leave her alone, she could brace herself for this. But, it was clear that wasn't going to happen. Cal was relentless in his pursuit once he started.

A sudden tap at the door interrupted them. McBride stepped in and cleared his throat. "Mr. Hockley, a telegram just arrived for you. It's marked urgent, I thought you'd want to see it right away."

Cal stared intently down at her before finally releasing his hold on her. "This is not finished," he growled in a low voice. "You will be waiting for me upstairs after I've taken care of this."

Olivia didn't answer but only turned her head away. She felt him move away from her and speak to McBride on his way out. "Escort Mrs. Hockley upstairs and make sure she stays in our suite."

"Yes, sir," McBride responded.

With the click of the door, she knew he was gone and it was only she and McBride in the room. Embarrassed, ashamed and humiliated, she couldn't turn and face him. She slowly made her way over to the sofa and sat down. Everything that had transpired raced through her mind. A lump formed in her throat and a dull ache in her heart.

"Mrs. Hockley," she heard McBride say behind her. "Is there anything I can get for you?" She closed her eyes wishing he would just go away and leave her alone. But, of course that wouldn't happen. He had been given orders by Cal and he would carry them out regardless of her feelings on the matter. When she didn't answer, she heard him step forward toward her.

"Mrs. Hockley," he said again. "I don't want to pry-"

"Then don't!" she cut him off. "I can find my own way to my suite, Mr. McBride. I don't need, nor do I wish, for your assistance." She had barely gotten the words out when she felt the tears form in her eyes. Her resolve begin to break as they came forth unbidden. _No, No, No, _she cried in her mind. _Not now, not here, not like this. _She lowered her head and tried to regain her composure.

Olivia heard a rustle of movement and then, quite to her shock, she felt McBride lay a hand on her shoulder. The weight of it was warm and comforting, but it shouldn't have been. It was far too familiar and she knew it, but in her frame of mind she was grateful for the kindness he was showing her. She felt herself slightly leaning into it until she heard him next to her.

"Olivia," McBride said her name softly. "He's a fool."

Gasping, she turned sharply to him. "How dare you?" she accused. "Don't you dare say that to me. You've no right to take such liberties."

He shook his head, his green eyes penetrating her tearful ones. "Perhaps not, but I see the way he treats you and I say again, the man is a fool."

She stood quickly and stepped away from him. "You forget yourself, Mr. McBride."

"Patrick," he amended. "My name is Patrick."

"It is of little consequence to me what your name is. I want you to leave now and if you overstep your boundaries again, I will have no other choice but to report you to Mr. Hockley."

He stood as well and faced her. "I see how unhappy you are. I also see how you look at him, wanting attention you never get. The sadness you feel is expressed through your eyes." He paused for a moment and stepped closer to her. "I know I have to right to speak to you this way but I have and I'm not sorry."

Olivia didn't know what to say. She was stunned and shaken at his bold words. No one had ever said such things to her, no man anyway.

"If nothing else, I wanted you to know that you have a friend to talk to. That is, if you ever have the desire to talk. You have an ally in me and I'm a good listener. Not many would understand this life you lead, but I do."

Still, she didn't answer. Too much was happening too soon. He bowed his head slightly to her as he spoke. "I will take my leave now and leave you to go to your suite alone."

She watched him as he made his way across the room and to the door. Just before exiting it, he turned back to her and smiled slightly at her. "I'm not your enemy, Olivia Hockley, just someone who cares about what happens to you. If that is wrong, then let me be wrong." And with that, he was gone.

_Oh my God,_ she twisted around to face the windows. Stepping over to them, her mind was in a tumultuous state as she looked out into the horizon, seeing everything, but seeing nothing. How could she have allowed that to happen? Cal would be furious if he even suspected anything like this from her.

But, in that instance her feelings turned bitter when she thought of him. Cal had used her and while deep down inside she knew something hadn't been right all along, she had never thought that he hadn't cared for her when he married her. She clung to that, hoping that someday they could truly come together as a true couple.

At the moment, however, she only felt betrayed and humiliated. If it were true, if it were really true, then what did she have left? What was there to look forward to? There was only one way to find out for sure and that was to confront him about it all. Oh yes, she would be waiting for him in their suite and when he got there, he would be the one answering questions, not she. He would be the one to account for this marriage and she intended to be told the truth, one way or the other.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Okay everyone, I updated so quick this time, I made my own head spin, lol. I wrote this chapter in record time and I hope you all don't hate me when you're through. Thanks for the reviews so far, Eliza, KM, Lilly, Roxy and Janell. I get so encouraged when I read them, I just smile like an idiot, LOL. **

**Well, here's goes nothing. Read on my friends and hold your breath for the ride you're about to take.**

* * *

**Chapter Fourteen**

Olivia paced anxiously around the confines of her sitting room, her dress fluttering the flowers on the nearby table every time she passed by them. All of the windows were open and thankfully a breeze was coming in to infiltrate the warm air of the room.

She was ready for whatever was going to transpire between her and Cal. She would know the truth regardless of what that truth was. If she were going to survive this marriage then she was going to know one way or the other where she stood and how it was going to be. She was tired of living in limbo and never knowing what her position was. Hoping… praying… wondering… guessing… she was tired of it. She wanted answers and she intended on getting them before this day was done.

A quiet click told her that he had entered the suite. She turned to face him, her stance firm and unyielding. This time she would not be caught off guard nor would she cower down.

"There you are, darling. I was wondering what was keeping you," she said acerbically. "After all, you're the one who demanded I be here waiting for you."

Cal stared at her, one cocked eyebrow his only reaction. He lifted the telegram he still held in his hand. "You may want to read this."

Confused at his manner and the way in which he spoke, she frowned at him and the slip of paper he held in his hand. She was taken off guard for a moment. As she stared down at the telegram she wondered why he wanted her to read it. What could possibly be in it that would concern her?

When she didn't move, he stepped over to her and held it up. "Read this, Olivia."

Seeing that he was serious, she slowly reached for it. A sense of dread washed over her, mainly because of Cal's behavior. Obviously something had happened. She looked down at the paper, her eyes falling upon the words.

MR. CALEDON HOCKLEY, PHILADELPHIA:

DEAR SIR **STOP** IT IS MY UNFORTUNATE DUTY TO INFORM YOU OF YOUR SISTER-IN-LAW'S CURRENT UNKNOWN WHEREABOUTS **STOP** SHE HAS DISAPPEARED **STOP** WE ASSUME SHE HAS RAN AWAY **STOP** I HAVE DONE AS YOU REQUESTED AND KEPT YOU INFORMED OF THE SITUATION **STOP** WHEN WE HAVE ANY FURTHER NEWS I WILL CONTACT YOU IMMEDIATELY **STOP.** SINCERELY, LILLIAN MASTERSON, HEADMISTRESS, EDENBROOK SCHOOL FOR GIRLS **STOP.**

Olivia scanned the small slip of paper several times before she finally realized what it meant. Emma had disappeared or ran away as the case may be. She should have known, they all should have known that Emma was desperate enough to try something like this. Now, God only knew where she was or what she was doing.

"It seems your sister has taken it upon herself to leave the school. I immediately made several telephone calls and finally spoke with this Miss Masterson. The connection was rather bad but I did manage to get the gist of what happened," he told her, scorn lining his voice.

She looked up at him, waiting for him to tell her what her sister had done. He moved to one of the chairs and made a motion for her to sit across from him in the other one.

"Apparently, Emma was a problem from the beginning. She refused to participate in any activity or be involved in any way. She mainly kept to herself until the night she fled," he told her. Then he shook his head, his brows furrowing together. "The last anyone seen of her was by that of a local. She was in the company of a young man. An American, the same as her."

"An American?" Olivia's eyes snapped up to Cal's. "Oh no… Joshua."

His face scowled angrily. "Of course, who else could it be? He apparently helped her escape and now they've fled to God only knows where. I should have had that piece of filth taken care of that day at the train station."

As Cal ranted on, a thought suddenly occurred to Olivia. She stared down at the telegram in her hand. "Cal," she said his name, catching his attention. "Why is this Miss Masterson sending you a telegram concerning Emma?" She looked up at him as she asked the question. "It says here she's keeping you informed as you requested."

For a moment, he looked taken aback at her question but quickly regained his composure as he linked his fingers together in front of him and leaned back in the chair. "Yes, what of it? I felt it my duty as your husband to keep up with your sister. It was for your sake, of course."

"My sake? How is it my sake when I knew nothing of it?"

"Don't ask ridiculous questions, Olivia" he said, dismissal lining his voice. "It's a good thing I did because what I thought would happen, did happen. I didn't for one minute believe that this Harris character would disappear that easily."

Twice in one day Olivia had been dealt blows that she neither wanted nor asked for. She lifted her eyes and glared at him, her demeanor strong in her frustration. "Was it also for my sake that you got me pregnant again, or was it for your own?"

He turned his head ever so slightly toward her. "And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Just what I meant. Was it for your sake that I'm pregnant again?"

He smiled, however it was anything but pleasant. He lifted his hands against his mouth, his eyes never leaving hers. "Would like you explain to what you are referring to? Is that what you were keeping from me downstairs?"

"What I want to know is simple and I only want the truth from you," she answered him firmly. "Did you receive ten million dollars for marrying me?"

His features immediately darkened at her question. "What kind of question is that to ask?"

"I want the truth, Cal. Did you?" she asked again, her voice stronger this time.

"My personal business is none of yours, my dear. Your only concern is being my wife and the mother to my children."

"To your son's?" she threw out resentfully.

"Yes," he answered dangerously low. "To my sons, heirs to the Hockley name. We've already had this discussion."

"You forgot one thing in our discussion, Cal." She stood and faced him, her breathing coming hard now. "Like the fact that every time I deliver a son you receive five million dollars."

Cal stood to his feet as well, anger emanating from his body. "You are being presumptuous in your accusations, my dear wife. Don't speak of things of which you have no knowledge."

"Then tell me, because I must know the truth! Did you marry me for money!" she nearly screamed at him.

"This conversation is preposterous and I will not continue to discuss this with you," he snapped and turned to walk away from her.

"No!" she grabbed his arm. "You will discuss this with me right now! Did you ever care for me? Did you! Or was it a nice little deal between you and your father just to please him? Tell me the truth!"

"Stop it, Olivia!" he gripped her wrist trying to break her hold on him. "Stop this now, do you hear me!"

"No!" she cried, tears streaming down her face by now. "It's true isn't it? You married me for money, FOR MONEY!"

Cal looked at her as if she had gone mad. Before he could even react, she began hitting him on the chest. Her fist pummeling him as she screamed in her pain. "Why? Why? Don't you know that I love you and now I know you've never cared for me!" she accused him bitterly. "You used me!"

"Olivia, for God's sake, calm down." He ordered as he grabbed her flailing arms. "This is insane, you've got to stop!"

Suddenly, she flung herself away from him and ran to the door. "I hate you, Caledon Hockley! I don't want to ever see you again!" she screamed as she ripped the door open and ran through it.

"Olivia!" she heard him shout behind her. "Olivia, come back here!"

Olivia ran as fast as she could. She saw McBride coming up the stairs and so she ran toward him, not slowing down in her efforts to get to him. Just as she reached the landing however, she lost her balance and fell forward. The next thing she knew she was tumbling down the stairs, her body screaming in pain with each roll.

"Olivia!" she heard somewhere above her. She heard a snap in her ears and felt a burning pain in her leg. Over and over again she rolled, unable to stop herself. Then suddenly she landed with a hard thud against the tiled floor in the Hall on her stomach. The only thing she was aware of was the swimming in her head and taste of blood in her mouth. She heard commotion above her and voices swarming in her head.

"Oh God! Oh God! Olivia!"

"Mrs. Hockley! Dear God in Heaven, what's happened?"

"Don't move her. Get Dr. Covington immediately!"

Olivia heard them, but she couldn't answer. She was lost in a fog of pain and fear.

"Get away from her, get back!" She heard Cal above her. "Oh my God, Olivia, can you hear me? Please, answer me, darling."

She flinched when she heard his voice but the only thing she could do was whimper. She felt a hand on her cheek, stroking it caringly. _No!_ she cried in her mind. _Don't touch me. _But again, she was unable to vocally respond. She felt her body begin to throb in pain and her whimpering became louder. She heard the sound of more people coming around her. Their voices echoed in her ears. She wasn't sure how long she had lain there… minutes, hours, she really didn't know. Finally, she heard Dr. Covington's comforting voice above her as he took her hand.

"Olivia, I'm going to turn you over now. I have to examine you and I promise I will be as gentle as I can."

She felt herself being turned over. Pain roared through her body at the movement they made. She cried out, still tasting the blood in her mouth. As if in a dream, she felt Dr. Covington moving his hands over her body, feeling her arms, legs, torso and neck.

"Let's get her upstairs. She'll need to be lifted as gently as possible." Dr. Covington said.

"I'll do it," McBride's voice drifted to her ears. She felt him above her when he leaned over her. She managed to open her eyes slightly to look into his concerned, green eyes. She suddenly felt safe and not afraid.

"Mrs. Hockley, I'm going to pick you up now. If you can, put your arms around my neck. I promise not to hurt you anymore than I have to. Do you understand?"

Nodding slowly, she felt his hands go under legs and behind her back. Slowly, he lifted her, sending shafts of shooting pain through her. She cried out as he stood and cradled her body against his. The pain was too much for her to bear and by the time he reached the top of the stairs she was nearly unconscious. She must have blacked out for a moment because the next thing she knew she was being laid down in her bed.

Dr. Covington went right to work. She was barely aware of most of it, going in and out of consciousness throughout his examination of her. Then, her head was lifted and she was given a drink so bitter she nearly gagged on it.

"You must drink this, Olivia." Dr. Covington told her. "It will help with the pain."

It must have been so because it wasn't long until she began to feel as if she were floating. She felt warm and the pain was ceasing. Then someone took her hand beside her. Barely managing to open her eyes, she tried to focus on his face. She smiled… it was McBride.

"It's okay, Olivia," he leaned over and whispered to her. "It's okay now. You just rest. Everything will be alright."

Nodding slowly, she squeezed his hand. She trusted him, why she didn't know. She relaxed then and let herself slowly sink into the warm sensation the medicine was creating in her. Blackness swamped her, taking her away from her reality. With one final thought, she slipped into unconsciousness, still holding on tightly to McBride's hand.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

**I'm on a roll! I hope this chapter is gramatically correct as I stayed up VERY late to finish it, lol. I couldn't stop, I had to finish it. I'm so glad you all are liking the direction I'm taking with this story. I tried something different with this chapter however and made it 90 from Cal's POV. I've never done that before so I really don't know if I've captured his true personality. If it stinks, just tell me and I won't do it again, LOL. At any rate, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for the reviews. You know who you are and you know how much I appreciate them, so forgive me for not singleing you out. I'm just too tired to do it tonight (or this morning I should say). **

**P.S. I also wanted to remind some of you who have already reviewed my previous chapters (remember I combined them, so technically I have already been reviewed for chapters 13 -18) if you want to leave a review, you'll have to do it not signed it. I know it's probably a pain, but I thank you for doing it. **

**On we go...**

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**Chapter Fifteen**

July, 1914

As the days wore on, June turned into July and with it came the summer heat. Every window in the room was open and both ceiling fans were on stirring the air. Still, it was warmer than was comfortable, but the man who sat in the corner of the room looking over at his sleeping wife, barely noticed. His clothes were disheveled, his hair mussed from the many times he had ran his fingers through it, his face dark with five o'clock shadow and his eyes bloodshot from lack of sleep. He didn't look anything like the cocky, arrogant man he had been days ago.

Cal stood and walked over to the bed where she lay. She looked so pale and fragile laying in there in their bed. His eyes scanned over her, taking in her appearance for the hundredth time since the night it had happened. A broken leg, two broken ribs, the left side of her face badly bruised from the landing she made on the hard tile floor. Not to mention all of the smaller bruises covering her here and there from her trip down the staircase. Guilt gripped him hotly… if not for him she wouldn't be laying there like this.

Gingerly he sat on the edge of the bed and took her small hand in his own recalling the conversation with Dr. Covington a few days before…

"Is she alright, Doctor? Is the baby?" Cal asked anxiously. "Please, I have to know."

Dr. Covington shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry, Caledon, she's lost the baby. The bleeding was extremely heavy; there was nothing I could do. If she can have anymore children remains to be seen. She's young and strong and we can only hope for the best."

"But…" he started, but stopped. Words seemed inadequate for what he was feeling. The doctor patted him comfortingly on the back before leaving the room. Since then, Olivia had been in and out of consciousness, but not completely alert and awake for any length of time. He wanted to tell her… what? What could he say that would be enough?

He hadn't even been able to pick her up and carry her up the stairs such was his guilt. His valet had to step in and do it. Rubbing his face, he tried to forget the sight of her lying bloodied and hurt on the ground but he knew he never would. It would haunt him for the remainder of his days.

* * *

Olivia stirred, feeling the dull ache of pain in her body. Through the haze of the grogginess she immediately knew someone was beside her. When her hand was lifted, she slowly opened her eyes to see who it was. 

_Cal_

Grimacing, she closed her eyes again. She didn't want to see him, at least not right now. Compared to the pain in her body, the pain in her heart was even greater. Seeing him only brought back unpleasant memories, memories she didn't want to think of. He must have sensed her coming to because he moved closer to her.

"Olivia, you're awake. Thank God. I've been waiting for days to talk to you."

She turned her head away from him wanting him to just go away.

"I know I'm the last person you want to see right now, but please hear me out."

"Don't," she whispered. "Just go away."

He frowned, seemingly hurt at her request." Please don't say that. You have to listen to me."

"No," she shook her head. "I can't. Leave me alone."

Contrary to her words, he moved closer, bringing her hand to his lips. "I have to tell you something… something regrettable. This is very hard for me to say but, it's the baby… it's gone. I'm sorry."

A part of her reacted grievously to the news while another part of her felt nothing. Her baby was gone and she placed the blame squarely on Cal's shoulders. Her eyes hardened cool and icy upon him. "How unfortunate that you've lost the chance to collect your money."

Cal's eyes widened at her statement. "Olivia," he shook his head in astonishment. "Surely, you don't mean that."

"Don't I?" she responded stonily. "Money and your love of it cost our child its life. I can't imagine anything more detestable than that."

"Don't say that, please, Olivia…" he bent his head low, still gripping her hand in his own. "You don't understand what I've been going through."

Olivia would have laughed at irony of his words but the pain was increasing while her patience was waning. She simply was in no position or frame of mind to take Cal's self pity right now. "Please leave," was all she could say to him. She meant it with every fiber of her being.

He stared at her for a moment, his face crestfallen. She hardened her heart against him. She honestly didn't care what he thought or was feeling, she only wanted him gone. Maybe after a while she could face him, but for now the hurt was too raw, too fresh.

"Very well," he conceded dejectedly. "I'll leave. Perhaps later when you're stronger and feeling better we can talk."

When she didn't answer, he laid her hand down slowly and stood. He paused for a moment as if he were going to say something else, but he didn't. He left her, closing the door quietly behind him. As soon as she was alone, she let her sorrow for her lost child come forth. She cried and cried until she had no more tears left. Finally empty and exhausted, she fell back into a deep sleep.

* * *

Cal flung the door to the parlor open and stalked over to the bar. He grabbed the decanter of brandy, threw the glass lid aside and sloshed the amber liquid into a tumbler. In one gulp, he tossed it back, letting the fiery taste of it slide down his throat. He reached for the decanter again but stopped momentarily when his father entered the room. 

"Caledon, I need to speak with you," Nathan said closing the door behind him.

Glancing up at his father, he smirked and sloshed another drink into the tumbler. "Now's not a good time, Father."

"It's as good a time as any," the older man told him as he sat down and faced him. Cool, composed, unflappable… that was Nathan Hockley. He was still a handsome man even at this stage of his life. He was dressed impeccably as usual, nothing out of place, not even his dark hair, which was peppered with gray now. He crossed his legs and stared at his son in a no-nonsense manner.

"How is Olivia?"

Cal laughed sardonically and threw back the brandy, grimacing as it made its way down. He sat the tumbler aside and ran his hands through his hair again.

"How is your wife, Caledon?" Nathan asked again, impatience lining his voice.

"She's going to be fine, Father. It will be sometime until she's completely mended but Dr. Covington doesn't foresee any serious problems," he answered perfunctorily.

"And, what of children? Can she have more children?"

"I don't know," Cal admitted. "Apparently there's no way to tell about these things."

"Hmmm" Nathan grunted. "She's young and strong, I'm sure this won't hinder your efforts to try again when the time is right, of course."

"I wouldn't be so sure of that," Cal muttered reaching for the brandy again.

"I think you've had quite enough, Caledon. Gentlemen drink, they don't get drunk. And what did you mean by your statement. Has something happened that I'm not aware of?"

Cal set the decanter down and looked at his father. All of his life he had lived in the shadow of the great Nathan Hockley, always wanting to be just like him. He strove to do any and everything to make his father proud. Whatever it took he was willing to do it. Marrying Olivia had been one of those things.

He came around to the front of the bar and leaned back against it, crossing his arms in the process. "My wife isn't very fond of me at the moment. She practically ordered me out of our room a while ago. I don't think she's going to allow me the chance to 'try again'."

Nathan leaned forward in his chair, his brows furrowed together. "What is this nonsense you're babbling about? You're her husband. It's your place to be at her side at a time like this-"

"She knows," he cut him off. "She knows about the money."

"What are you saying? She knows? How could she know?" he thundered at him.

"We had a fight and she confronted me about it. She was nearly hysterical and the next thing I know she's running out of the room. I ran after her, of course, but I couldn't catch her before…" he paused, "before she fell."

"This is preposterous," Nathan rose to his feet. "She couldn't possibly know. And even if she did, there was no reason for her to be so reckless in her behavior. She put not only herself at risk, but the life of her unborn child as well."

"She was upset, Father. Understandably so." He defended his wife, although his actions may have been too little, too late. "She accused me of not caring for her… of marrying her only for money."

"There is little comfort in that now, Caledon. Whether you care for her or not is not the issue at the moment. That young woman upstairs is your wife for better or worse. It's your job to make sure that she is content in the marriage. It's quite obvious you have failed miserably in that regard if that is the reason for her recklessness."

Stung by his father's reproach, Cal stepped away from him. "Don't lecture me about my marriage," he snapped. "She's my wife and my concern, not yours."

"You always were a stubborn fool." Nathan scoffed at him. "Need I remind you of another situation in which you didn't listen to my lecture and lived to regret it?"

Cal spun around to glare at his father. "Don't Father, just don't," he warned.

"You were determined to have Rose, weren't you? Even though I told you it would come of no good. I knew from the moment I met her that she would never conform to being the kind of wife you needed."

"I don't wish to discuss this," Cal gritted through his teeth, but his father ignored him and continued on with his perusal.

"She was like a butterfly in a cage always looking for the slightest opening of escape. And yet, it was because of that, that you had to have her, wasn't it? But, did you listen to me? No, of course not."

"That has nothing to do with what's happening now, Father." Cal pointed at him. "What happened with Rose is said and done and over. I don't need you reminding me of it every time you're displeased with me."

"Then listen to me now, by God! You will do whatever needs to be done to make this right. I don't care what you have to do, just do it. Take her on a trip when she's recovered. She hasn't gotten away from here since the twins were born."

He needed a drink. Cal stalked over to the bar and poured another shot of brandy. As he lifted the tumbler to his mouth, his father stepped over to him scowling. "Drinking yourself into a stupor won't change what's happened. For God's sake, look at you. You're appearance is appalling."

"Disappointing, am I?" Cal snarled. "But then I have always been, haven't I? Nothing I did ever pleased you, even though God knows I tried."

"Stop sniveling and feeling sorry for yourself." Nathan chided him harshly. "I want this matter taken care of and I don't care what you have to do to make it right. Whatever Olivia thinks she knows doesn't matter. I doubt she has any proof. But hear me and hear me well, Caledon, I made the offer to you as an opportunity to show me what you're made of. Before I hand everything over to you I want to know you can run my money and Hockley Steel the way it was meant to be run."

"I have done everything you've asked of me." Cal replied grittily. "When is it enough? When do I become trustworthy?"

"That remains to be seen. I suggest you get your personal life in order first." He straightened his tie and coat. "I will be leaving now. Your mother is expecting me home at seven."

Cal didn't say anything, but still held the drink in his hand.

"Summon McBride and get yourself cleaned up. You're a Hockley, not a common whino on the street. And one more thing," he said as he stopped at the door. "Speaking of McBride, I'd keep my eye on him if I were you. Something in his demeanor this evening didn't seem right."

"In what way?" Cal asked, setting the tumbler down.

"It may or may not be anything, but it seemed to me he was more than a little concerned with your wife's well being."

"Don't be ridiculous," Cal dismissed him with a derisive laugh. "In fact, I have never heard of anything so ridiculous. The man works for me. He and Olivia have barely spoken two words to each other the entire time he's been here."

"All the same, just be aware. I haven't raised you to be a fool."

Before Cal could respond, his father opened the door and was gone. Left alone, Cal looked around the emptiness of the parlor and saw touches of Olivia everywhere. Thoughts of her in her condition upstairs came back to him and so did his guilt. Looking down at the brandy, he lifted and threw it back in one swift motion. As he swallowed it, he didn't think one more would hurt anything and in spite of what his father said, he wasn't feeling very much like a Gentleman at the moment. In fact, he felt anything but.

He lifted the decanter again, dispersing with the tumbler altogether. Tonight he wanted to be in a drunken stupor - he wanted to be completely stinking, rotten drunk… he'd worry about being a Gentleman tomorrow.


	16. Chapter Sixteen

**Hello everyone, I'm back with another update. I am enjoying this creative spurt I'm having, (until I hit that wall, that is lol). **

**Ashlee, Janell and Lorelei, feeling sorry for Cal, huh? That's something you don't hear on here very often, lol. I thought it was about time for something from Cal besides his usual arrogant self. Now we have a little bit of background on him and it's not so hard to imagine why he's the way he is.**

**Roxy and KM, I agree with your assessment of Nathan. He is a bit of a snob and certainly expects certain things from Cal. I'm glad you liked it, though.**

**Eliza Girl! What a review! I read it like 3 times, lol. I loved that you compared my story to Gone with the Wind, but I don't even think there is a comparison. But, I so appreciate the review you gave. Thanks, my friend.**

**skaterchick, glad you like my story, I hope you stick with me. I still have many more twists and turns to go yet.**

**Lilly! Where are you? I hope you're not sick again. I miss your review and your opinion. Come back and soon!**

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**Chapter Sixteen**

The weeks of recovery slowly passed for Olivia, but with each day she began to feel stronger physically, if not emotionally. She was still trying to come to terms with the revelation of what Cal had done and what that meant for their marriage. Her trust and confidence in him had been greatly shaken and she simply didn't know how to feel about it.

Dr. Covington had assured her that she would heal and be back to herself in no time, but she knew on the inside she was different. She was afraid she had lost something and it was more than the child she had been carrying. She felt empty and misplaced, unsure of the stability that was once her life. She felt no serenity in anything, although she had received many visitors of family and friends. Everyone had shown their concern for her and their sympathy for the loss of the baby and while she was thankful, it brought her little comfort.

On this day, three weeks after the accident, it was late in the afternoon and Mrs. Ryan had just taken the twins back to the nursery. Once she had been able to sit up for longer periods of time, Olivia requested to have her babies brought to her. She missed them terribly and she missed not being able to hold them the way she wanted. They were the one true light in her otherwise dark world. Their happy, smiling faces and chubby little bodies did more for her than any medicine.

Olivia noticed that Mrs. Ryan didn't seem as stout as she normally did. She didn't correct her or scowl at her, but she sat back and let Olivia enjoy being with them. She sat close to watch after them so they wouldn't crawl off the bed or hurt themselves, but other than that she never said an out of the way word to Olivia, for which Olivia was grateful.

She had just adjusted herself in the bed as best she could when a tap came at the door. Marietta stepped in, smiling as she did. "Mrs. Hockley, may I speak with you in private?"

"Of course, Marietta," Olivia answered, trying to adjust herself in a more comfortable position. Marietta shut the door behind her and quietly made her way over to the bed. She curtsied and clasped her hands in front of her.

"I don't want to disturb you but I felt this was very important and couldn't wait."

Puzzled at her behavior, Olivia instructed her to pull up a chair next to the bed so they could talk. After doing this, Marietta sat down and pulled out an envelope. "This came in the afternoon mail delivery," she said handing it to her. "You know Mr. Hockley reads every piece of mail that comes here but when I seen this, I knew you would want to read it… alone."

Olivia took the envelope and immediately recognized her sister's handwriting. She glanced up at Marietta who was looking at her expectantly. "You took this?"

"Yes, ma'am." She nodded. "As soon as I saw it, I knew you'd want to read it."

Olivia reached over and took her hand. "Thank you, Marietta. I appreciate your thoughtfulness."

"Yes, ma'am," Marietta smiled brightly. "I really must get back downstairs to ready your tray for dinner. Cook says Mr. Hockley has requested something special for you tonight."

Olivia didn't answer, only smiled slightly. Cal had been doing that for days now. Yesterday he had three dozen each, long stemmed roses, daffodils and lily's, sent to her. They lined the tabletops and dressers all over their room. Dismissing the thought, she looked down at the plain, white envelope in her hand. After Marietta left, she tore it open and pulled out the two pieces of paper.

_Dear Olivia,_

_I hope this letter finds you well. As I'm sure you've heard by now, I've ran away from Edenbrook. Don't worry about me, I'm fine. I can't tell you where I am because I'm too afraid Mother will find out, but just know that I'm safe. I suppose I should tell you that I'm not alone, Joshua is with me. Actually, Joshua is the reason I was able to escape that horrible place._

_I hated there, Liv. The girls were snobby and hateful and I had no one to even call a friend. My heart ached to be home, even if it meant never seeing Joshua again. I missed everyone so bad, but I knew no matter what I said or how I pleaded, Mother would never let me come back. You and I both know how she can be once she's made up her mind. I thought all hope was lost but Liv, it wasn't. Joshua saved me!_

_He scraped enough money together to book passage on a small steamer and sailed to England. I had no idea until the day he showed up at the school. Imagine my surprise when I saw him standing behind that huge, iron gate! I was happier than I can describe to you in this letter. I knew if he was caught it would be terrible for him, so we made plans to meet late that night after everyone had gone to sleep. When it was time, I snuck out of the dorm, my heart pounding with every footstep, but it was easier than I thought. I climbed over the gate and into Joshua's arms and then we ran and ran. _

_Please be happy for me, Liv. I know Mother may never forgive me and I am sorry for causing her so much pain, but Joshua and I are together and I'm not sorry for that. It is here that I will stop and tell you that we're married. I am Mrs. Joshua Harris now. Can you imagine that? Me, a married woman like you? Your little sister has finally grown up. I'm happier than I ever thought possible._

_I don't know when I'll be able to write again but just know that I am safe and happy with the man I love. I miss everyone so much but I can't come home right now. Mother probably won't see me even if I did. I hope someday she can accept Joshua and our marriage, but until that day all I can do is pray for it. I send all my love to you and the rest of the family. Please tell them that I am well and taken care of. _

_Kisses and hugs,_

_Your sister, Emma Barlow Harris_

Olivia scanned the letter again and then laid it aside. She couldn't believe it. Emma was married. She had no doubt that she was happy… how could she not be? She was in love and was cherished beyond everything. She tried not to resent her sister's newfound happiness, but in a way she did. It wasn't fair. She craved that kind of love and happiness, only she didn't have it and probably never would. Instead, she thought bitterly, she had been lied to and used for gain by the man she called her husband. The thought nearly made her retch.

Slowly, she folded the letter back and slid it in the envelope. She tucked it underneath her pillow until she could put it in a safe place. Feeling restless, she punched the pillows several times trying to adjust her position, but nothing worked.

"Angelina!" she called. "Angelina, come in here!"

Several minutes passed but there was no response. Frustrated at the girl's failure to come, she threw the blankets off of her. If she didn't get out of that bed, she was going to go mad.

"Angelina! Where are you?" she called again. Still, there was no answer. Where was that blasted girl? Throwing herself back on the pillows, she decided to try it herself. She only wanted to sit in the chair for a while, so tired was she of being in that bed.

Slowly, she edged herself to the side, taking care to not jostle her leg too much. She lifted it, which wasn't easy with the heavy plaster that surrounded it. She reached for the chair that Marietta had sat in and pulled it as close as she could. Holding on to the arms, she scooted herself over to it. For a moment she was half on the chair and half on the bed when suddenly the chair began to slide away from her. She screamed and gripped the arms trying to keep it in place. It stopped and for a frozen moment her torso was hanging in the air. Her breathing was frantic as she held on as hard as she could.

"Help me! Please, someone help me!" she screamed in her panic and fear. She held on to the arms of the chair too afraid to let go. She screamed and screamed, her voice becoming raw while her arms began to shake. The door burst open and Cal ran in with McBride behind him.

"Good God!" he exclaimed and rushed over to her. He picked her up and kicked the chair back, holding her against him. "Olivia! Oh God, I heard you screaming. Are you okay, darling?" He held her tightly, kissing around her face.

Olivia was too far gone to hear him. She was screaming and screaming, lost in her fear. "I couldn't stop! I couldn't stop!" she cried over and over again. "Please, make it stop!"

"What?" Cal asked frantically. "What are you talking about?"

"The stairs!" she cried, pushing back from him. "I see the stairs! No! No!" she wrestled against him. She threw her head back and saw him through her tears. "No!" she shook her head wildly as the memory of that night coming back to her. She shoved away from him, falling back on the bed in the process. She screamed again as a hot, roaring pain shot up her leg.

Cal just stood there, frozen in shock at her outburst. He covered his mouth and stepped back, nearly stumbling over the chair he had just kicked.

"Mr. Hockley!" McBride grabbed him by the arm. "You've got to do something. She's your wife, for God's sake!"

"I…I…" he shook his head. "She's not in her right mind," he croaked.

McBride looked at him with disgust and released his hold on Cal's arm. He headed for the bed and lifted her up.

"Olivia, listen to me. Listen to my voice," he said firmly. He cupped her face and looked into her eyes. "Listen to me. I need for you to calm down. Do you hear me? I need for you to calm down."

She tried to focus on his face and saw that it was McBride. She reached up and grabbed his arms, her screams subsiding. "It hurts," she said through her tears. "It hurts."

"I know it does. But, listen to me. Listen to my voice, focus on what I'm saying. I'm going to lay you back in the bed, okay."

She shook her head with tears still streaming down her face. He lifted her and gently scooted her back up on the pillows. She never let go of his arms through it all, holding on to him for dear life. After doing this, he adjusted her leg, propping pillows underneath it and put the covers back over her.

He mixed her a glass of water with one of the packets of laudanum the doctor had left for her and coaxed her into drinking it. Finally, her tears subsided and she began to relax. She felt him move away from her and she grabbed his hand.

"Don't," she pleaded thickly, the medicine already taking affect on her. "Please don't leave me. I don't want to be alone."

He hesitated, looking down at her as if he were unsure of what to do.

"Please," she whispered again. He sighed and slightly shook his head.

"You're not alone, Olivia. Don't be afraid," he said squeezing her hand. "I won't go anywhere."

Satisfied with his answer, she relaxed. The laudanum was doing its job and she began to feel as if she were floating. Her lids became heavy and the pain was subsiding. From the back of McBride she saw Cal come up and stand behind him. She saw the scowl of anger on his face. It wasn't directed at her, but at McBride.

She shook her head, afraid of what Cal would do, but she couldn't say anything. Her tongue felt thick in her mouth and her lids became even heavier. She gripped McBride's hand for as long as she could before she slipped into unconsciousness.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

**Hello everyone, I'm back with an update and once again it's VERY late. I hope you like my latest chapter and I thank each and every one of you for the reviews. Please forgive me for not naming you personally, but you know who you are and how much I appreciate them. **

**I do want to thank DawsonGurl as I didn't on the last chapter. I didn't mean to leave you out, my friend. I appreciate your review and hope you do like my story.**

**Okay, so on we go...**

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**Chapter Seventeen**

Cal watched the scene with McBride and his wife with a mixture of anger and shock. Had his father been right? Why had he never noticed this before? No, this wasn't right… there had to be a mistake. He simply couldn't believe that something could have been going on between them that he wouldn't have been aware of. He was a very intuitive man.

McBride stood and stepped back from Olivia, who was now asleep, drugged by the medicine Dr. Covington had left for her. He turned to face him, rubbing his face at the awkwardness of the moment.

"Mr. Hockley, sir-"

"What do you think you were doing?" Cal snapped at him. "How dare you put your hands on my wife."

"I'm sorry, sir. I know I overstepped my boundaries and I apologize for it." McBride answered quickly. "I was only trying to be of help."

Cal glanced over at his wife lying quietly in the bed. She looked so peaceful now compared to the hysteria she was in earlier. When she had seen him she was almost frantic with fear, however when McBride stepped in she immediately calmed down. He didn't know which was worse; the fact that she had reacted the way she did to _him, _her husband or the way that she had reacted to his valet.

He looked at McBride suspiciously, not sure how to handle this situation. Truthfully, he was shocked and quite disturbed at her behavior. It was clear she was having a delirious episode of some sort, one in which he was ill-prepared to deal with. If McBride hadn't stepped in, who knows what she would have done. But still… it wasn't so much that he had stepped in to calm her, but it was the _way _in which he had done it. The same way he had when she had fallen down the stairs in the first place.

Instantly, the feeling of guilt associated with that incident mixed with what had just occurred sent a sensation of uneasiness over him. He was not entirely comfortable with this guilt he carried around. Every attempt he had made at reconciliation had failed leaving him more than a little frustrated with the situation.

McBride continued to stand there looking very repentant of his actions. Cal couldn't help but wonder if the sincerity he projected was indeed that. He had never had cause to distrust McBride or even to question his loyalty - until now. And even with that, he had a hard time believing that his valet and his wife… well, the thought was too ridiculous to even contemplate.

He motioned for McBride to follow him out of the room. Once they entered into the sitting room, Cal turned to him. "Your familiarity and intimate knowledge of my wife is rather troubling to me, McBride," Cal said narrowing his hard gaze on him. "Your intentions, however honorable they may have been, were totally and completely out of line. I do hope you have a reasonable explanation for your actions."

"Yes, sir. Again, I apologize. I was merely trying to diffuse a situation that was quickly getting out of control. Mrs. Hockley needed to be restrained from doing further harm to herself."

It wasn't lost on Cal that _he_ hadn't been the one able to restrain her. He, her husband, could only stand by and watch the scene as if it were happening to someone else. If he didn't know better, he would have thought McBride was throwing out a thinly veiled insult toward him.

He crossed his arms and made a slow, sweeping circle around him. "That may have been the case, but what I witnessed seemed to be a little more than trying to 'diffuse the situation'. My wife's reaction to you was quite unexpected, wouldn't you agree?"

McBride gave no reaction whatsoever to Cal's accusation. He just stood there as if at attention. If here were hiding something, he was doing a good job of it. He looked up at Cal, sincerity written all over his features.

"Mr. Hockley, I assure you I meant no disrespect toward you or your wife. My loyalty is to you, sir."

Cal eyed him; his answer, although an acceptable one, seemed just a little too glib for his taste. However, since he refused to believe that anything was going on between this man and Olivia, he decided to let the matter stand for now. But, even with that being said, he would certainly be aware of anything out of the way or suspicious. He was many things, but a fool was not one of them.

"Very well, McBride. You may leave now, but know this..." Cal stepped close, nailing him with his eyes and lowering his voice in the process. "I can be your greatest ally or your worst enemy. Where you stand is entirely up to you. Am I making myself in any way unclear?"

"No sir," he answered, his stance never wavering.

Cal latched his hands behind his back as he drew himself up. He gave him one more piercing look before finally sending him on his way.

* * *

The following week on July 28, Austria-Hungary declared war on Serbia. Nathan immediately summoned Cal and the other board members to discuss what this could mean for Hockley Steel. For days he was in meetings, leaving early and coming home late, whatever needed to be done for the company's benefit. 

Olivia was grateful that Cal was gone much of the time. This gave her the opportunity to think about her situation and what she may or may not do about it. Her mother was of little help, especially after she discovered that Emma and Joshua had eloped. She declared that Emma had brought shame upon their name with her actions and she didn't know how she could hold up her head in polite society again. She carried on so that one would have thought a death had come to the family.

As the days passed Olivia's recovery increased. Dr. Covington had arranged for a wheelchair to be brought to her so that she could get around until the cast could come off of her leg. Even though it was a blessing to her, she was still forced to be dependant on everyone around her, something she was not happy about.

Olivia sighed as she sat in the wheelchair looking out of the window in her suite. The sound of the door opening had her turning to it to see Cal walking in. He was bearing a large bouquet of flowers and smiling brightly at her.

"There you are, darling. How was your day?" he bent to kiss her on the cheek, but she turned her face from him before he could accomplish it. He held his position for a moment and then slowly stood up. He took a deep breath and stepped back from her. He laid the flowers aside and sat back on the arm of the nearby chair and crossed his arms as he looked over at her. "I see your mood hasn't improved any."

She didn't answer, but it should have been obvious by her response to him.

"How long are you going to continue on with this? It's been weeks now," he said, impatience lining his voice.

She turned toward him then, a scowl marring her features. "Do you think I can turn my emotions off and on at will?"

He lowered his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. "What I think is that I'm growing weary of your behavior. You won't talk to me, you turn me away at every hand, you have even barred me from my own bedroom." He huffed as he stood, hooking his hand on his waist and turning away from her at the same time.

"I don't know what you want me to say. I can't…" she paused and closed her eyes. "I just can't." she finished unhappily.

"How can I explain my actions if you won't hear me out?" he asked as he whirled back around to face her. "You can't keep shutting me out like this." He stepped closer and laid his hands on each side of her wheelchair, boring down on her with his penetrating stare. "This has to come to and end, Olivia."

Her breathing was coming erratic now. Having him this close was intimidating and frightening to her. She swallowed hard and tried to push her chair back, but he refused to let her move. "Please, don't do that," she barely managed to get out.

"I'm tired of being shut out. You're my wife for God's sake! I can't take much more of this," he nearly growled as he gripped the arms of the chair.

Olivia could feel the intensity coming off of him as he spoke. "Please, Cal…" she whimpered softly. "Don't… please don't."

A puzzled frown came across his face at her reaction. "What…?" he shook his head and then bent on one knee in front of her. When he looked back up at her, confusion and frustration was clearly written on his face. "Olivia, _what_ is happening? How could things between us have gotten so completely out of hand? What do I have to do to make this up to you?"

She couldn't answer him for she didn't know the answer. She only knew that his presence made her uncomfortable and she wanted him to leave. She didn't _want_ to feel this way, it was simply the way she felt. Her whole world had been turned upside down and the reason, the only reason as far as she was concerned, was right in front of her. Small tears formed in her eyes as she shook her head. "There's nothing you can do right now but leave me alone. I need time to sort this out and you're pressuring me isn't helping."

Cal stared at her and then rubbed his face with his hand. Suddenly, he laughed, but it was the laughter of travesty and not humor. "I came home early because I wanted to tell you something I was sure would make you happy, but now I see that nothing I do will change how you obviously feel." He slowly stood and walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge of it. When he looked back over at her, he shrugged lightly. "I'm sure it makes little difference to you but I have arranged for us to make a trip to California. I have some business to attend to out there and I thought it would be a good time for us to get away, just you and me."

Olivia swallowed and wiped the tears from her eyes. Had he proposed a trip like this a month ago she would have jumped at the chance without a second thought. But now, she didn't know how she could even consider such a venture with things being the way they were.

He stood and walked over to where he laid the flowers down and picked them up. "I'll have Angelina put these in a vase for you," he said staring down at them. "I'll leave you now, but will you at least think about my offer?

Silence filled the room and when she didn't answer, he gave a short nod let out an exasperated sigh. "Very well," he said and made his way to the door. Just before he opened it he turned to her and gave her one final look. "I am truly sorry that I have hurt you, Olivia. If you've believed nothing else I've said, please believe that."

Before she could respond, he was out of the door and closing it behind him. She bit her lip, letting out a frustrated breath in the process. She rubbed her temple and tried to quench the sympathy that he had evoked in her. She wasn't ready to feel sorry for him, she wasn't ready to feel anything like that. But, in spite of it all she _was_ feeling it. She even truly believed he was sorry, but was it enough?

Frustrated and agitated, she gripped the wheels of the chair and pushed herself forward until she reached the door. She had to get out of this room, out of this house. She wanted Marietta to take her outside in the fresh air for a while. She managed to finally get it open and push herself out to the landing. She heard the click of a door closing behind her and realized that it came from the sitting room. She heard footsteps coming up behind her and immediately tensed knowing it was Cal.

"Mrs. Hockley… Olivia," McBride said quietly.

Surprised at the unexpected voice, she gasped and turned to him. "McBride?"

"I didn't mean to startle you," he said coming around to her. "I was putting away Mr. Hockley's personal affects and setting out the newspaper for him to read later."

"Oh," she answered, her heart beating a little faster than it should. "I was looking for Marietta to help me get downstairs."

He smiled at her then. "I'll help you. It would be my pleasure."

She cleared her throat nervously as he approached her. "You don't really have to do this."

He stopped and gave her a small grin. "I don't mind. As I said, it's my pleasure."

Olivia waited until he had pushed her to the top of the staircase. When she looked down the long, winding steps, her head began to swim a little and her stomach twisted into knots. McBride must have sensed her discomfort for her came around and bent down in front of her.

"Olivia, there's nothing to be afraid of. I'm right here and I won't let anything happen to you," he said reassuringly. "I'll be holding you every inch of the way down… I promise I won't let go."

Her breathing was hard as she looked around at him but then to her wonder she felt a quiet calm come over her when she looked at him. She knew he meant it. He would do just as he said he would. She smiled at him as her fears were slowly put to rest.

"McBride,-" she started.

"Patrick," he amended. "My name is Patrick."

She let out a breathy smile as she repeated his name. "Patrick," she said. "I just wanted to thank you for-"

He held up his hand and shook his head. "No, you don't have to say anything. I think it's for the best that it remain unsaid. Besides, I already know and… you're welcome."

"But, I have to tell you-"

"No, you really don't," he interrupted her again. "You've been through a very harrowing time and you've had a lot going on. I only did what I did because I care about you and I think that's all we should say about it. Anything else would be tempting fate I think."

She smiled at his logic and was grateful that she didn't have to say what she felt but was still understood. She finally nodded her head and agreed with his assessment of the situation.

"I'm going to lift you, then I'm going to carry you downstairs and then I'll come back up for the chair," he said standing.

"Okay," she answered. He slowly lifted her from the chair, his strong arms holding her tightly against his chest. He took each step one at a time, talking to her as he descended each step. She held on to him, nearly burying her face in his neck until they reached the bottom. When they finally made it, he sat her down on a nearby bench, ran up the stairs and brought her chair back down. Lifting her, he sat her back down in it and stood back.

"There now," he grinned at her. "You did it and you were very brave I might add."

Laughing with relief, she adjusted herself in the seat. "I couldn't have done it without you," she told him.

His eyes caught hers for a moment and he shook his head. "Olivia," he said her name as if it were a song. "You can do anything you want to do. You're a very special woman, anyone can see that."

She didn't know what to say. No one had ever said anything like that to her before. She stared at him, trying to understand the mixture of emotions he had stirred within her.

"I'll find Marietta now. Enjoy your walk." He winked, bowed slightly to her and then made his way across the Hall. She watched him until he disappeared through the door and she could no longer see him.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**I've finally updated! Did you all think I had fallen in the dark hold of the abyss? Well, guess what, I thought I had, but I have found my way out. This chapter is not necessarily the most exciting one I've ever written, but it does set the foundation for what's to come.**

**Thanks for the reviews and your patience in waiting for me. Lilly, janell, Kate, Eliza, Roxy, Butterfly and Melissa... you guys are awesome and great reviewers. I thank you so much for the encouraging reviews I get from you. I do hope you enjoy this chapter.**

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**Chapter Eighteen**

September, 1914

It had been one week since Olivia had the plaster cast taken off of her leg. She was thrilled to be able to move around on her own again and not have to depend on anyone. The first thing she did was put her babies in their pram and took a long walk around the grounds, stopping every little bit to stop and play with them.

Cal was still busy with work and was hardly home. He hadn't pressed her on the trip to California, only bringing it up once. She was still undecided on what to do and what Cal's intentions were for the trip. Did he expect for her to just forget all that had transpired between them? She didn't know if she could, or if she even wanted to.

Then there was McBride… Patrick. She didn't know what to make of him or what was happening between them. He was a servant, Cal's manservant to be more precise. There were so many reasons, valid and legitimate reasons, as to why what she was feeling was so wrong. She was married for goodness sake and not free to think this way. And, even if she were free, the very idea of her being involved with a servant of his station was inconceivable.

She was tired of feeling so unresolved about everything in her life and it was on a restless afternoon that she decided to visit Thalia. She had Thomas drive her over to the Wentworth's estate, aptly named Wentworth Hall. She was immediately taken into the drawing room where in a few moments Thalia came through the doors.

"Olivia! Oh my goodness. I wasn't expecting you today. How lovely to see you," she exclaimed as she promptly gave her a hug. "Please, sit down and I'll have Clarice bring us some tea and the divine tea cookies Mother just got it from Paris."

"Thank you, Thalia," she replied as she sat down in a plush, mauve velvet wing-backed chair. "I think that sounds wonderful."

Thalia summoned Clarice for the tea and then sat in front of Olivia. "I'm so glad you came by today. Mother and Father have gone to visit my grandmother. I didn't want to go today so it makes it double glad for me that I stayed behind. I'm so glad you're up and about."

"That makes two of us," Olivia laughed. "I never want to experience that again."

"How are those precious babies of yours?"

"Doing wonderfully. They've started crawling now and they're everywhere when we put them down. Nathaniel does a full out crawl while Catherine does more of a caterpillar crawl," she laughed as she spoke.

"I simply can't wait for the day," Thalia sighed and smiled at the same time. "You have the perfect life, Olivia. I envy you so at times."

Olivia felt her heart drop at Thalia's words. Envious? Oh, if Thalia but knew the truth of her life, envy would not be feeling she would have. Her thoughts must have shown on her face because Thalia's expression changed from that of pleasure to puzzlement.

"Olivia, are you okay? I didn't mean anything by what I said. I didn't mean it in a bad way."

"No, no, it's fine," she lowered her head. In spite of herself, she felt the dark cloud she had been carrying around cover her. She pressed a hand to her temple and tried to shake off the feeling, but it wouldn't subside.

"You're not okay, are you? Something is wrong, I can tell." Thalia leaned in closer. "What is it, Olivia. Talk to me."

Olivia struggled with her feelings for a moment, torn between keeping her problems to herself and yet needing to confide in someone she could trust. She covered her mouth with her hand stifling the cry that threatened to come out.

"You're really upset. Has something happened? Please talk to me, Olivia." Thalia implored to her, taking her by the other hand.

Swallowing hard, Olivia looked up at her friend and blinked away the tears that had formed there. "I… I'm just so confused, Thalia. Nothing in my life is what I thought it would be and I don't know what to do about it."

Frowning, Thalia squeezed her hand and handed her a handkerchief in the process. "You can tell me, you know that. I will keep your confidence… I always have. Your one of my truest friends and I want to help you if I can."

Taking a deep breath, Olivia nodded and sat up straighter. Slowly at first, she began to relay the story to Thalia; the money issue and Cal's control of her. Before long it had all spilled out in all's its ugliness. She cried at times and became angry at times, but most of all it felt so good to be able to relieve herself of the burden of it. When she was finished, Thalia sat back, a slightly stunned look upon her pretty face.

"Do you think my life is so perfect now?" Olivia asked dabbing at her eyes. "This is the hardest thing I've ever had to confess to anyone."

"I never imagined, Olivia. Cal seems so… charming and debonair."

"He is," she nodded, "when it suits him. There are times that I think I love him so much I would die without him and then there are times I think I hate him so much I never want to see him again."

"You poor thing. How have you stood it all of this time?"

The answer was on the tip of her tongue. It was easy… it was Patrick. But, she dared not tell Thalia that. There were some secrets that needed to remain a secret and he was one of them.

"I just have. I have to, for my children and for our families. It's not as easy as saying I want out. Besides, I don't know if I do. I don't know what I feel or what to think. Cal wants me to go to California with him in a couple of weeks and a part of me wants to and a part of me doesn't."

"That's a decision only you can make, Olivia. I can tell you this… from what you've told me, Cal does seem to be sorry for everything. He seems to genuinely have remorse for his actions."

"It seems so, but it's so hard to trust him now. I want to, but I'm afraid of being hurt again," she said as she twisted the handkerchief in her hands. "There is something else I haven't told you. It's… it's about Rose."

"Rose?" she asked frowning. "What about Rose?"

"I… I found him the morning after our homecoming party clutching Rose's picture in his arms. He had fallen asleep in the library and when I went looking for him, I found him there just like that. And there are other things as well, but I must admit not as much now as earlier in the marriage."

"Like what other things?"

"Like he used to compare me to Rose all of the time. Rose betrayed him on the Titanic with a third class passenger and that's all I'm going to say about that, but needless to say, her ghost has haunted our marriage from nearly the beginning. He even named our daughter after her and when I protested, he simply said I was being silly. She's there all of the time, I can feel her around me. Although, it has gotten some better as time has passed."

"Oh," Thalia said releasing her breath. "I… I don't know what to say. This is so unexpected."

"What do I do, Thalia? How do I trust him again? How do I find my way back to the feelings I had for him in the beginning when I knew none of this?" Olivia nearly sobbed again.

"Olivia," she shook her head sympathetically. "I'm at a loss. I've had no experience in these kinds of things. But, I can tell you what I do if it were me."

Olivia dabbed at her eyes again and waited for Thalia to continue.

"If it were me, and I still had any feelings for him, I would try to put it all behind me and not look back. If Cal is truly sorry, then he obviously has feelings for you. You have been terribly hurt so it's only natural to feel this way, but sometimes we have to step out on faith and trust in what we can't see."

"I'm not sure I can," she sniffed.

"You wanted my advice, so here it is. Go to California with him. Take this time to try and take back your marriage. This may be the only chance you have to make it happen and if you continue holding all of this against him, you will never be happy. Think about your children, think about their future. You have to do this, Olivia, if for no other reason but for them."

Thalia's words penetrated something deep inside of her. She did want to find happiness again and she did want her children to grow up in the love of their parents. They were the most important thing in the world to her and their happiness meant more to her than her own. Perhaps Thalia was right, maybe the trip to California was what they needed. If they could get away alone together, then maybe, just maybe they could find their way back to each other.

Smiling slightly, she took Thalia's hand. "Thank you so much for listening to me. I will think about all we have discussed and I'm sure I'll make the right decision. I feel so much clearer about things now and I feel a burden has been lifted from my shoulders."

"I'm only glad you decided to confide in me. I'm not sure I did much, but listening can sometimes be just the thing that's needed."

"It was and it did help. Thank you again," she nodded.

Clarice finally arrived with their tea and cookies and the two friends enjoyed them, their visit not marred by Olivia's problems. Soon, it was time for Olivia to return home and on the ride there she thought about what she would do. She saw Cal's Daimler parked in front of the door and knew he must have come home early.

Nervously, she entered the hall and pulled the long pins that secured the hat to her head out and lifted it off of her head. Marietta came down the stairs at that moment.

"Hello, ma'am. I saw you pull up outside and immediately came down. Mr. Hockley is waiting for you in your suite. Shall I tell him you'll be right up?"

Olivia thought for a moment and then shook her head. "No, tell Mr. Hockley I'll be in the parlor waiting for him."

Marietta's eyes widened as she watched Olivia walk away. Once inside the room, she threw her hat and purse aside and walked over the large windows. Evening was setting in and casting vibrant colors against the darkening sky. She stood looking out for several minutes before she heard the click of the door.

"You summoned for me?" he asked in a dry, sarcastic tone.

Turning to him she took a deep breath and clasped her hands in front of her. "Yes, I wasn't ready to go upstairs yet. I wanted to speak with you about something."

Cocking a brow at her, he studied her for a moment. "Something is different. What?"

"I'm not sure how to say this and so bear with me as I try."

A serious expression marred his features as he came nearer to her. Crossing his arms, he nodded toward her. "Yes," he urged.

"It's about the trip to California. I've given it some thought and I've decided to go with you," she told him. "I'm not sure what the outcome will be, but I'm willing to try and get past… everything that has happened," she faltered for a moment.

Cal looked at her and slowly uncrossed his arms. "You mean you've decided to go with me?" Then, as if something had occurred to him, skeptically, he pinned her with a questioning stare. "Why have you changed your mind? What's happened?"

She licked her dry lips and gave a light shrug. "I'm tired the coldness between us. It's not good for the children to be around us this way and I'm … I'm ready for the change. I'm not sure what there is to build on, but I think we should try and make this work, for the children."

"For the children," he repeated her words thoughtfully. "And that is the only reason?"

"Well, not the only reason, but certainly the main one," she answered. Turning from him, she walked back over to the windows and stared out. "You have to understand how difficult this was for me. I'm still unsure of how I feel about you, about our marriage, but I know I'm not happy with things the way they are, either."

"Neither am I," he replied and came up behind her. "I know I've made a mess of things, something I do regret. Are you saying you're willing to forgive me?"

"I can't answer that, yet. That's why I agreed to the trip. Perhaps we can find a way to get past this… somehow."

"I'm glad to hear you say that, Olivia and I'm pleased with your decision. I'll make the necessary arrangements for our departure."

Nodding, she gave her affirmation. She felt him leave her then and heard the sound of the door closing. Sighing, she looked out on the grounds seeing everything and yet seeing nothing. She only hoped that she and Cal could make something of this chance they had been given. If not, she didn't know how long she stay with a man that, at the moment, she simply didn't trust or stay away from a man that simply wasn't an option for her, no matter how attractive, kind and gentle he may be.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Hey everyone! Wow, I thought I would never find the time to update, but I finally managed to squeak it out. All the reviews were so great and kind, I was blown away by them. I know it's not Into the Sunset, but what is? Right? I'm just glad you all like this story and I hope you like this chapter. Whatever you think, let me know. I love getting reviews. **

**And to my newest readers, Carmen and Rose103, you guys really helped with this chapter. After the reviews I got from you, how could I not write another one? You really made my day, lol. I am flattered that you liked my story that well and hope you will continue on with me as I weave Olivia through her ups and downs.**

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**Chapter Nineteen**

Over the next few days the flurry of activity surrounded the house as the day of the trip grew closer. Two large steamer trunks were brought in to accommodate Olivia's wardrobe which consisted of day dresses and gowns for the evenings.

Cal had arranged to have three private cars for them on the train they would be traveling on. One was for them alone and the other for Marietta, Olivia's trunks and personal affects and the other for McBride and Cal's trunks. Going to California would take nearly two weeks by train and Olivia hoped that during that time she and Cal could find some way to compromise and perhaps find a way to get past this gap that was glaringly obvious when they were near each other.

It was the night before they were to set out in the morning and Olivia was too restless to even contemplate sleep. As she lay in her bed, her mind simply wouldn't shut down. She was anxious and apprehensive about what lay ahead and nothing she did made it go away. Finally deciding that a cup of tea would do her good, she slid from her bed and made her way down to the kitchen not bothering to disturb Marietta. She certainly could make herself a cup of tea with out a fuss.

Once she entered the kitchen it took some searching to find what she needed, only having been in here a few times. As the lady of the manor, it was her duty to arrange the meals but the kitchen was off limits to her. As she rumbled through the pantry she heard a commotion behind her.

"Mrs. Hockley, what are you doing?" a raspy voice said.

Olivia spun around to see Tessie, the cook, looking at her as if she had lost her mind. Olivia quickly covered her mouth to keep from laughing. The woman had her hair tied up in rags with a kerchief over them to keep them in place which made them appear to stick up from her head. Her long white gown and robe made her seem twice as large as she was.

Clearing her throat, Olivia straightened and faced the rotund woman. "Hello Tessie, I'm sorry I disturbed you. I was trying to be quiet."

Frowning, Tessie looked at her skeptically. "Pardon me, ma'am, but is there something you needed?"

"Well, I had thought a cup of tea sounded good, but now I'm not so sure."

"Tea?" she repeated hesitantly. "I see… Well, I'll have it ready for you momentarily," she gave a short nod and proceeded to lift a silver canister from the shelf.

"Tessie, don't bother," Olivia stepped closer. "I'm sorry I disturbed you. It's too late for tea after all. I'll just have a glass of milk if that's okay."

"Milk?" she repeated again and tried not to show her impatience. "If you want to tea, ma'am, I'll make you tea. It's no bother."

Olivia knew it very well was a bother and was sorry she had even come down here. "No, milk is fine, Tessie. Thank you anyway."

The woman bustled over to the icebox and lifted a pitcher of milk out and poured Olivia a glass. She handed it to her and then stood watching her, as if waiting for her to finish. After a few sips, Olivia was self conscious of her actions. Finally, standing it no longer, she lowered the glass and smiled as sweetly as she could manage. "I think I'll just take this to my room to finish it. You can go back to bed now, Tessie."

Tessie grasped her hands in front of her and gave another short nod. "Very well, Mrs. Hockley. Goodnight, then."

"Goodnight," Olivia answered and then left the room as quickly as possible. She walked across the Hall toward the staircase, covering her mouth from the laughter that bubbled inside of her. She hadn't felt this way since before she was married when she and Emma used to sneak down in the kitchen at night. When she reached the bottom step, she paused and determined that she wasn't ready to retire to her room just yet.

She decided that sitting out on the portico was much more appealing than going back to her empty room. Ever since her accident when she had been house bound, she sought the openness rather than confinement more times than not.

As soon as she stepped out onto the expansive area, she immediately felt relief wash over her. If she couldn't have tea, she would have the night air. She sat back on a lounge chair, letting her pale blue gown spread out over the sides and lightly touch the ground. A cool breeze settled over her skin and felt wonderful. Setting the milk down, she lifted her long hair, drew it to one side so that it draped across her right shoulder.

She sighed and felt herself begin to relax. She closed her eyes and let the feel of the breeze and the night sounds around her work on her jagged nerves. There was something so magical about the night, something that was comforting and warm like a blanket that covered you. Olivia smiled softly as thoughts of another time filtered through her mind. It was before Cal and before the marriage, when she was still young and free and didn't have the worries and problems she had now. When she went to parties and balls and danced the night away with handsome young men who waited to see if she would put them on her dance card.

She began to hum a tune that she used to dance to, one that was her favorite during that time. She was lost in the melody, her voice lilting sweetly in the night. A slight sound in the distant caused her to pause for a moment as she opened her eyes to look around her. The slight tinge of smoke permeated her nose and for an instant she froze. She sat up and tried to look further out in the distance, but still she didn't see anyone.

"Olivia," someone called her name.

Frowning, she turned toward the direction it came from. "Who's there?" she called. From out of the shadows a figure stepped closer. Olivia's heart began to flutter in her chest as she watched him move toward her. When he finally stepped out of the shadows, he nodded toward her.

"Cal," she said his name breathlessly. "What are you doing out here?"

"I could ask you the same question," he said, drawing on the cigarette one last time before throwing it aside. "I heard humming and wondered where it was coming from."

Leaning back in the lounge, Olivia adjusted her gown as she answered him. "I couldn't sleep. I thought maybe the night air might help."

"I thought the same thing," he pulled a chair close to hers and sat it facing her. "Funny you should be out here as well," he mused as he looked down at her. "I was just thinking about you."

She looked at him for a moment and saw the small smile that played on his lips. Oh, but he was handsome, that was something that was undeniable. With his shirt un-tucked and hanging loose and his hair slightly mussed, he looked almost like a boy rather than the empowered man he actually was.

"You have a beautiful voice, Olivia."

"Thank you," she replied as she looked up at him.

"I," he paused for a moment. "I want to tell you again how glad I am that you're accompanying me on this trip. I know the decision was not an easy one to make."

Lowering her head, she released the breath she had been holding. What was happening? Why was Cal doing this? Was there an ulterior motive behind his seemingly humble actions? It was so unlike him to be this calm and unassuming towards her. True, he had been trying for weeks to make things better but she had been so blinded by her own hurt that she couldn't see past that.

Cal moved from the chair to sit on the side of the lounge so that their legs were touching. Olivia jerked back for a moment, causing his eyes to cloud over. "Please don't," he whispered. "Olivia, you don't know how it feels when I see the hurt and distrust in your eyes. I wish I could make you understand my actions but I can't. The relationship between my self and my father is complicated and far too involved to try and explain it to you."

"I can't help it," she shook her head forlornly. "I feel used and betrayed by you. Had I known from the first I would have tried to understand, but instead I had to hear it in the most vulgar of ways. I feel humiliated that everyone seemed to know the reason behind this marriage except for me."

"I do regret that. If I had it to do over I would do things differently, you must believe me."

"I don't know what to believe anymore," she admitted. "I'm not a foolish girl who needs to be sheltered. I know how our lives work and I know money is the wheel that keeps it turning. But money is not the issue here, it's my faith and trust in you. You took something beautiful and wonderful and turned it ugly and repulsive with your secrets and dismissive attitude."

He sat back and closed his eyes for a moment before turning them back on her. "I should have been honest with you. I shouldn't have kept the truth from you, but I was only doing what I felt best at the time. Perhaps it was wrong, but it was the choice I made."

"I want to trust you," she whispered. "I want to believe you, but-"

He shook his head and placed his finger on her lips. "Then give me the chance to make it right."

She grasped his hand and lowered it. "I want to…" she breathed as she shook her head, "but how can I live with you without having your love? How can I when I know that your heart belongs to someone else even as we speak? What you're asking of me is unfair, Cal." She broke then and quickly stood to separate from him.

Cal was behind her in a matter of moments. He took her by the shoulders and buried his face in her hair. "I know I hurt you, I know I did. It was not my intention to do that."

Tears welled up in her eyes as she stood there listening to him. She felt herself lean into his chest as her resolve began to break. He slid his hands around her waist and kissed her neck.

"Give me another chance, Olivia. I'm not perfect, I never will be. I can't promise you everything will always be wonderful, but I will try my hardest to make you happy. Just give me a chance to undo what I've done."

She closed her eyes as his warm mouth moved over her neck and shoulder. She shuddered and he tightened his hold on her when she did. He turned her around to face him and cupped her face in his hands. "I have missed you. I've lain in that lonely bed without you and missed hearing your soft breathing when you're asleep. It's been torment knowing you're only doors away and I can't come to you."

She was torment of her own right now, unsure of what to do. Her body burned from his touch, but her mind was still holding on tightly to the wall she had erected against him. She gripped the sleeves of his shirt, not answering, not moving, barely breathing as she looked into his eyes.

"Please," he whispered hotly. "I need you. I need you so much."

She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Sensing her defenses breaking down he pulled her even closer to him and stared intently down at her. "Will you come to me now?"

A whirlwind of emotions rocked her as she looked at him. Love, lust, hurt, betrayal, forgiveness and need gripped her tightly. She breathed heavily as she tried to form a complete sentence in her mind. "I…" she managed, but suddenly as if a dam had broken, the words spilled from her. "Yes, yes!" she moaned. "Yes, I will come to you."

He lifted her then and began kissing her hotly. Olivia responded with all of the emotions she had kept bottled up inside of her for months now. She knew there was far more mending that needed to happen but for now all of that was pushed aside as passion and need consumed her. She gave herself to him completely, without holding anything back. What happened to them in the shadows on that portico was something Olivia had never experienced in her life. It was as if time stood still and for a while it did.

He was her husband, she knew she still loved him in spite of it all and deep down inside she knew he loved her. He was a complicated man and beneath that hard exterior there was a lonely boy who needed love and assurance as much as anyone did.

As the night wore on, their lovemaking turned slow and passionate. They finally made their way to their room where over and over again, a small bridge was made in the gap that had been between them. She lay there, exhausted, wrapped in his arms when he finally fell asleep and not long after, she followed him, soothed by the steady beat of his heart beneath her ear.


	20. Chapter Twenty

**I just want to say first off thank you so much for the reviews. I got more on the last chapter than ever before and it was encouraging to say the least. All of you who took the time to review are just the greatest. I'm so glad you're liking my story. This chapter is the longest one I've done yet. Alot of stuff is going on and so I just went with it. So without further ado, here is the next installment...**

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**Chapter Twenty**

As predicted, the trip to California took nearly two weeks to accomplish. During this time, Olivia and Cal did manage to heal the gap between them, if only a little. Things were still very tentative, but she was beginning to feel more relaxed and that is one thing she needed after what she had been through.

There was one moment however, when she was faced with the consequences of her decision and that was when they had arrived at the train station two weeks before to board their train. The porters were loading their trunks and Cal was going to inspect their car to make sure that the accommodations were as he had instructed. Before he left her, he pulled her close and whispered to her how much he was going to enjoy having her alone for two weeks.

After he walked away she turned to see where Marietta had gotten to. Patrick was standing close and watching her with a strange expression on his face.

"Mrs. Hockley," he nodded. "I'm glad to see you're in better spirits."

As she stood there under his stare, she felt a twinge of guilt. She shouldn't have, Cal was her husband after all, but she did. "Thank you," she replied quietly. "It's good to be moving around again."

"You and Mr. Hockley seem to have come to an understanding," he said as if making a point to let her know he was aware of the situation. But, behind the positive words, she could hear the sting of disappointment.

She drew in a breath and lifted her head. "It's… complicated, but yes, we are trying. I felt it important for our children's sake."

He stared at her for moment and then gave her a small smile. "As it should be."

She didn't know what to say to him, so she said nothing. He looked at her for a minute longer and then he left her, following Cal toward the train car.

Now, two weeks later after arriving in Los Angeles, she had set aside her growing feelings for Patrick to concentrate on her marriage. She had to, she simply had no choice. Cal was trying to change, he had been the epitome of goodness toward her on this trip and she was responding to him. She no longer feared him as she once did, but neither did she completely trust him as she once did. She doubted she ever would, but at least they could move past this time in their lives to hopefully better things.

The trip from the train station to the expansive bungalow Cal had rented came off with relative ease. As soon as they pulled up in front of it, Olivia fell in love. It was snuggled deep inside a grove of palm trees and sat facing the ocean. There were eight rooms altogether with large ceiling to floor windows.

She walked into their big, airy room with its hardwood floors and great sweeping ceiling fan, looking around in wonder. She had never seen anything like this in all her travels. It wasn't the grandest or the most opulent place she had ever stayed in, but it was warm and inviting and quite honestly, she was surprised that Cal had chosen it. She knew he preferred the most extravagant accommodations anywhere he stayed, so this was a change of pace and a welcome one at that.

She smiled and threw off her silk flowered hat and threw it on the massive bed in the center of the room. Cal came in behind her and glanced around, taking it in as he did. "I suppose this will do," he commented.

She turned to him and laughed. "Of course this will do. It's wonderful, Cal. I just love it."

"Really? Well, I suppose that's all that matters then. I want you to enjoy your stay here."

"Look, you can see right out on the sand." She ran to the glass patio doors. "And the trees provide a natural shade." The patio that led from their room was beautifully done. The floor was covered in light colored bricks, with huge potted plants situated around the area. A large wrought iron table sat in the center of it with a colorful bouquet of fresh cut flowers on top of it. "We can have breakfast out here every morning. Won't that be lovely?"

Cal smiled at her. "Yes, that it would be." He walked over to her and kissed her forehead. "I'm glad to see you enjoying yourself. It's been so long since I have seen this smile on your face."

She wrapped her arms around his waist and looked up at him. "It's good to be smiling again. Thank you for this, Cal. This is exactly what I needed. Of course, I miss our beautiful babies terribly, but I'm glad I came."

"Mrs. Ryan will take care of them, and of course Mother will be going by to see them from time to time."

"What shall we do first?" she asked.

"Well, I thought we'd have dinner brought in tonight, if that's okay with you." He told her. "I'd like our first night together to be alone."

"That sounds wonderful. We can eat out on our patio and enjoy the breeze."

Cal smiled and pulled her up to him, bringing his mouth down onto hers. His kiss was soft and coaxing against her lips. She yielded to him as he deepened the kiss further. Finally, breaking away he brought her hand up and kissed the tips of her knuckles. "I will only be a moment. I have to make sure McBride is taking care of things in the other rooms. After that, it will be just you and I."

She nodded as he left her and made his way across the room. She turned to the glass door and looked out over the beach and to the fuzzy blue horizon in the distance. Surely this was the beginning of a new life for them, she thought. After all, what could go wrong here in California far away from their lives in Philadelphia?

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The next morning Olivia awoke to find Cal gone, but a note lying on his pillow. She sat up in bed and lifted it. 

_I had to run out early this morning to take care of a few things. You were sleeping so soundly I didn't want to disturb you. We'll have a late lunch this afternoon when I return. Until then, why don't you take Marietta and do some shopping. I have procured the use of an automobile for our stay. Have the charges sent to the Los Angeles Trust and Savings and I will take care of it. _

_Cal_

She smiled and lay the cream colored paper aside. Perhaps she would go on a shopping trip. She needed a few things and she wanted to see what the styles were compared to those on the east coast. She had heard so many exotic tales of the west that she wanted to see for herself if they were true.

Calling for Marietta, she quickly dressed in the most comfortable outfit she had brought. It was a soft yellow linen shirtwaist with a matching skirt. She chose the silk flowered hat she wore the day before because the flowers nearly matched her dress perfectly. Donning her gloves and her reticule she and Marietta sat out on their shopping expedition.

Out front waiting for them was gleaming black Renault. The driver opened the door for them and soon they were on their way. There was one thing Olivia noticed right away and that was the Los Angeles area was spread out in wide open spaces rather than the concentrated cluster of buildings that made up the east coast cities. Also, the air was very arid and dry leaving the ground in a constant desert state. But, in spite of all that she liked it out here.

It was then that she noticed a line of small tracks that followed the route of the road. As they continued on to downtown Los Angeles she saw a sign near the tracks that read Pacific Electric Railway. She was excited to learn that for a small fee you could travel on these open red cars to various areas outside of Los Angeles. She would be sure to tell Cal about those so they could try them out.

As they came down Broadway and Eighth, the car came to a stop near the curb. The driver came around and opened the door for them. They were in front of the massive stone building of Broadway Department Store and it was a sight to behold. Olivia hadn't expected anything so grand here. She stepped out of the car and looked up until she the glare of the sun prevented her from going further.

"This should be interesting," she said to Marietta who had come around to join her. "Let's go inside and see what its like."

"I'm dying to find out myself. It's impressive to be sure."

The two women entered the through the large doors and were immediately greeted by an older gentleman wearing a pin-striped navy suit. His mustache was so thin it could have been drawn on his face. He bowed to them and smiled. "Ladies, how may I be of assistance to you?"

Olivia glanced around before answering. "I am in need of several things. I think I would like to start with hats first and then we'll move on from there."

"Very well, madam, and who shall I make the charges to?"

"Caledon Hockley, Los Angeles Trust and Savings," she answered.

"Splendid and you are Mrs. Hockley?"

"Yes, Olivia Hockley. My husband and I are visiting your lovely city from the east coast."

"Hockley," he mused for a moment. "As in Hockley Steel?"

"Yes, that is correct."

His face brightened suddenly and he straightened his posture. Before Olivia could even react he snapped his fingers in the air and motioned for a young dark-haired shop girl standing nearby. When she approached, he swung his attention back towards Olivia, this time his smile was twice as wide.

"Violet here will assist you, Mrs. Hockley. Anything you need at all, she will be more than happy to get it for you, you only need to ask. We here at Broadway want your visit with us to be memorable. May I draw your attention to our third floor attraction, the Japanese Tea Garden," he said as he motioned toward a large sign near the elevator lifts. A drawing of a Japanese woman in traditional Japanese attire held a pot of tea and was surrounded by cherry blossoms.

"Many of our ladies enjoy going there after shopping. It's one of our more favorable attractions. The tea is exquisite and the atmosphere is relaxing."

Olivia smiled, imagine a Japanese Tea Garden in a department store. She had never heard of anything so lovely or intriguing. She turned back to the man and nodded. "I think I should very much like to see your third floor, Mr…"

"Hopkins," he bowed. "Gerald Hopkins. It is an honor to be of your acquaintance, Mrs. Hockley."

"Mr. Hopkins, while I am appreciative of the offer your shop girl here, my handmaid and I will be fine on our own. If I need anything, I will let you know."

"Very well," he turned toward Violet and motioned her away. "Enjoy your visit with us, Mrs. Hockley."

"I'm sure I will," she answered him before heading for the elevator lifts. Mr. Hopkins hurried to the double doors and pushed the button. In a matter of minutes, they slid opened to reveal a young man in blue and gold uniform.

"Joseph, take Mrs. Hockley to the second floor." He then turned toward Olivia and held out his arm for her and Marietta to enter. "The second floor is ladies wear. Mrs. Randolph runs that floor and will be more than happy to assist you."

"Thank you again, Mr. Hopkins," Olivia said as she and Marietta stepped inside. As the doors slid shut, the last image she saw of Mr. Hopkins was his broad smiling face.

Olivia found her shopping experience as delightful as any shopping she had done on the east coast. She chose several new pairs of gloves in shades of cream, white and black to begin with. She also purchased several day dresses and one evening dress. Along with those items she found a lovely wide brimmed straw hat trimmed with a wide dark pink ribbon and large bow on the front and a pair of slippers to go with the evening dress.

When she finished with her shopping, the shop girl packed everything carefully in boxes lined with pale pink tissue paper. She told Mrs. Randolph where they were staying and had them delivered over to their bungalow.

"Mrs. Randolph, I think I would like to visit your third floor. Tea sounds wonderful right now."

"Of course, Mrs. Hockley. I will escort you personally," she nearly fawned. She was tall woman with a salt and pepper hair, a thin face and large teeth, but carried herself as if she were royalty. Once again, they entered the elevators and were carried up. When the doors slid open this time, Olivia's eyes widened. She and Marietta stepped through the doors and into a wonderland.

From ceiling to floor all around the room were delicate cherry blossoms. On the walls hung tasteful orient artwork while the carpeting was in the same oriental fashion. White iron tables covered by green cloths and matching chairs dotted the large area. White china saucers with the cups turned upside down sat on top of them ready for use. It was all so beautiful.

"Right this way, Mrs. Hockley," Mrs. Randolph said leading the way. "Your handmaid may wait for you over there if you like."

"My handmaid will be fine with me, Mrs. Randolph. I prefer it that way."

"Very well," she answered with a tight smile.

They passed several women already enjoying the atmosphere. When they sat down a young Japanese woman approached them and bowed. She was dressed in full attire from her extravagant hairstyle to her red silk kimono down to her sandaled feet. She was the most exotic person Olivia had ever seen.

"Suki will see to your needs," Mrs. Randolph said. "She speaks fluent English, as do all of our girls. Enjoy your visit, Mrs. Hockley."

"Thank you," Olivia smiled as the tall woman retreated to the elevators.

"I will bring you tea and cookies, also there is ice cream if you wish." Suki told them.

"Tea and cookies are fine, Suki, thank you,"

As soon as she moved away from them, Olivia looked over at Marietta who was looking around in wonder. "Isn't this the prettiest room you've ever seen?"

"I've never seen anything like it, Ms. Olivia. It doesn't feel real."

"Who would have thought anything like this would be found way out here in California? Wait until I tell Mother about it, she'll be dragging Father here before you know it."

As they talked, Suki brought their tea and cookies on a large silver tray. With expertise balancing she lifted the china tea pot and sat it down on the table and then the cookies next. Then she sat two small vases decorated in lilies in front of them.

"Compliments of the Tea Garden," Suki informed them. "They are yours to keep."

"Thank you, Suki." Olivia said as the young woman bowed and turned away from them.

The tea was delicious and the cookies were the best she had ever tasted. She and Marietta relished each bite with satisfaction. She was most definitely going to remember this day for a long time.

It was finally time to leave and she was met by Mr. Hopkins once again on their way out.

"This is truly been a pleasure, Mr. Hopkins," she said at the doors. "Thank you for your hospitality."

"Thank you, Mrs. Hockley. I hope we can expect to see you again,"

"That is a certainty. Good day," she waved and then she and Marietta moved out on to the sidewalk. Since the store itself was situated on a corner, from where she stood she could see a pan view of the surrounding buildings. Right across the way was an arched domed building with two points on either side. In bold lettering, the name of the establishment was spelled out. _Hyman Theater, owner Arthur Hyman, est. 1914._

"Look Marietta, there is a moving picture house." Olivia pointed across the way. "Do you suppose it would be wicked for us to take a peek?" she laughed. "I've wanted to see what the fuss is about."

"I won't tell if you won't," Marietta answered with a grin.

The two women glanced around before they decided it would be of no harm to look. They weren't going inside after all. They made their way across the street and up to the building to see what they could.

A sign on an easel out front displayed the featured movie called_ The Daring Mr. Armstrong starring Miles McCormick._

On the bottom of the poster was a black and white picture of a couple. Olivia bent closer to look at them and for a moment, everything went still. She was drawn to the woman immediately and for a moment she lost her breath.

It couldn't be… it just couldn't. She studied the features of the woman's face closer. It was impossible.

"Ma'am, are you alright?" Marietta asked leaning close.

"I… I'm fine," she answered distractedly.

She couldn't take her eyes off the face of the woman. It was a mistake. It couldn't be her. It had to be a coincidence. There were similarities yes, but it just couldn't be her. She was dead.

Olivia knew it couldn't be true, it was simply impossible. But, if she didn't know better, she would swear the beautiful woman displayed on the face of the poster was none other than that of Rose DeWitt-Bukater.


	21. Chapter Twenty one

**Okay, here we go... **

**Chapter Twenty-One**

Olivia stood in front of the movie house where the day before she and Marietta had seen the poster for the moving picture playing. It took quite a lot for her to come back alone, but she knew she had to.

Cal had questioned her about her withdrawn appearance when they had returned home to the bungalow, but she passed it off as being tired from the trip and the heat. She tried to act as if nothing was wrong, but she simply could not stop seeing the image of the woman on the poster. Was it Rose? Was she alive? If so, how was it possible?

She slept fitfully all night and when the morning came, she knew what she had to do. She told Marietta she was going to run a few errands and then meet Cal for lunch. She hated lying, she knew it was wrong, but no one could know what she had planned. She then had Marietta call her a taxi to take her back into Los Angeles.

Now here she stood to face the truth, whatever that truth may be. She opened the door to the theater and walked in, glancing around the lobby as she did. She wasn't sure how to go about finding out what she wanted to know, but whatever it took, she would do it.

A short, portly man came waddling through double doors and stopped when he saw Olivia. His eyebrows shot up as he took in her finely dressed appearance. Slicking his non-existent hair back and adjusting his pants over his expansive waistline, he put on a smile and walked up to her. "Hello there. May I help you?"

"Yes," she smiled. "I need to speak with the owner of this establishment."

"You're speaking to him. Arthur Hyman at your service," he nodded toward her.

"It's very nice to meet you, Mr. Hyman. I need to speak with you if you have a moment."

"Sure," he answered. "What can I help you with, Miss…"

"Mrs.," she corrected him. "My name is Olivia Hockley and I would like to ask you a question about the poster you have outside. On the front there is a picture of a couple. Do you know anything about the young woman with the man?"

"Hmmm, can't say that I do," he frowned and shook his head. "Let me see what I have on hand. I usually just run them, I don't know too much about who's in them," he said as he waddled to a door that led to a room which Olivia assumed was his office. She heard the sound of papers rustling and then he came back out holding one sheet.

"Well, I have the invoice. I can't tell you who the girl is, but I can tell you where it was made. It came from the Biograph Studio Company. That's not far from here. I'm sure they can tell you who she is."

"Thank you, Mr. Hyman. I appreciate your time."

"No problem, ma'am. I hope you find what you're looking for."

"So, do I," she shook his hand and then headed outside. She told the driver to take her to the Biograph Studio. The landscape rolled by as they made their way across town. Finally, they pulled up in front of a large building with a white sign in bold, block letters spelling out the name of the studio. Stepping out of the taxi, she looked at the building and took a deep breath.

"Wait here," she told the driver and then walked up the short flight of stairs to the door, which creaked on its hinges when she opened it. She stepped into a small dimly lit foyer which in turn led to two double doors. When she passed through those, she came into a large room with a high ceiling and partitions separating several replicas of rooms. A commotion near the back of the building had her straining to see what was going on.

A man with a green beret on his head and bullhorn came storming from around a partition with another man quick on his heels.

"I've had it, Norman! It's me or her! I refuse to work with her any longer," the man in the hat snapped loudly.

"Please Victor, be patient. She's just nervous," the other man nearly whined as he pushed his round spectacles up the bridge of his nose.

The man named Victor stopped and whirled around. "Nervous! My good man, that's not nerves, that's a lack of talent that is completely appalling. I will not have my name associated with the drivel she's producing in there. Again, it's me or her, but it's not going to be both!"

"I'm sure if I speak with her-"

"Speak all you want, I'm finished! Let me know when she's gone and I will return!" he said as he slammed the bullhorn into the man's chest andstormed away.

Standing still for a moment, the young blond man let out a defeated sigh and closed his eyes. Shaking his head and pinching the bridge of his nose he started to turn away. Olivia stepped forward and cleared her throat, slightly intimidated by what she had just witnessed but determined to follow through.

"Excuse me… sir, excuse me," she called to the man, who stopped and looked around at her. He squinted his eyes for a moment and then they opened wide. He looked her up and down as if he couldn't believe what his eyes were showing him.

"Can I speak with you for a moment?" she asked stepping closer. "I'm looking for one of your actresses."

The young man smiled then. "Are you looking to become an actress?"

"No," Olivia shook her head quickly. "I think you have the wrong idea. I'm looking for an actress that has made one of your moving pictures here. I would like to meet her if that's possible."

Looking her over again, he crossed his arms. "Well, we have a lot of actresses who work here. Do you know her name?"

Shaking her head, she answered him. "No, I don't know her name. I just know the name of the moving picture she was in."

"Okay, what's the name?"

"_The Daring Mr. Armstrong_," she told him hopefully. "It's playing at the Hyman Theater."

"Hmmm," he rubbed his chin. "We just sent that one last week. Who was in that? I think it was Ruby, no, no, not Ruby, I think it was Rose…" he snapped his fingers in the air. "That's it, Rose. Her name is Rose Dawson."

"Rose Dawson," she repeated with a sinking sensation. The last name was different, but the first name was the same. Still, it was possible it was a coincidence. "Do you know where I could reach her?"

The man frowned then. "What business do you have with her? Is she in some sort of trouble?"

"No, nothing like that," Olivia assured him. "I just would like to talk with her. It's… it's of a private nature."

"Well," he shrugged. "I'm not sure where she lives. As I said, we have a lot of actresses around here."

Olivia stepped even closer. "Please, this is important. I really must speak with her."

He stared at her for a moment, looking her over once again. He must have seen the desperation in her eyes because he let out a breath and nodded. "Okay, I'll try to find out where she lives. I can't promise anything, though."

"Thank you, I appreciate this so much."

"Sure," he answered and started to turn away. "You can sit over there while you wait."

Doing as he instructed, Olivia sat in a nearby wooden chair that had seen better days. She couldn't help but look around as she waited for the man to return. So many questions swirled through her head. If this woman were Rose, how in the world did she end up here? And why? Why would she let everyone go on thinking she was dead? It made no sense and the more Olivia thought about it, the more convinced she became that the woman was not Rose and it was merely a coincidence.

She had been sitting for nearly twenty minutes before the man came back to her. She was beginning to think he had forgotten about her. She stood as he approached.

"Sorry I kept you waiting," he said. "I had to take care of a few things first."

"That's quite alright," she told him. "Did you find her?"

"The only address I came up with is this one. If it's still the same, is as much your guess as mine," he said as he handed her a slip of paper. "I'm Norman by the way. Norman Wilder."

"Thank you, Mr. Wilder, I appreciate your time."

"Sure," he smiled as he pushed his glasses back up his nose. "Are you sure you're not interested in becoming an actress? We could take a few head shots to see how you'd look on camera."

"No," she shook head with a quiet laugh. "I assure you I do not want to become an actress. I really must be going now. Thank you once again."

She bid him goodbye and then went back to the waiting taxi. She handed him the address and asked him to take her there. She sat back in the seat and released a deep breath. She was closer than ever to finding out the truth once and for all.

Before long, the taxi pulled up in front a small cottage set in the midst of similar ones around it. There was nothing extraordinary about it that said who lived there had the ability to change her life forever, it was just a simple, plain little house. She stepped out of the taxi and once again asked him to wait for her.

She looked up the walkway to the door and felt her heart speed up a bit. This was the moment of truth. Taking tentative steps, she slowly made her way to the small porch and lifted her hand to knock. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and tapped quietly on the door.

At first there was no answer, then she heard the knob being turned and the door opened. A young, beautiful dark haired woman stood before her dressed only a thin robe and slippers. She frowned at Olivia and looked her over as if she had never seen anyone like her before.

"Can I help you?" she questioned tilting her head to one side.

For a moment, Olivia couldn't find her voice. She wasn't sure if she should be relieved or confused. Clearly, this woman was not the woman in the picture… far from it. Beautiful though she was, she was not her. Before Olivia could even respond, the woman raised her eyebrows and leaned against the door facing.

"I don't have all day, lady. Is there something you needed?"

Clearing her throat, Olivia drew herself up and straightened her shoulders. "Yes, I'm sorry. I was looking for someone I thought may live here."

"Depends on who you're looking for," she shrugged.

"I was looking for Rose Dawson. I was told this was her address."

The young woman gave nothing away, she merely gave Olivia a nonplussed look. "What you want with her?"

"If she's here, that is a private matter between Miss Dawson and myself," she answered firmly.

From inside the house she heard another voice carry to them as if it were in another room. "Suzanne, have you seen my blue shoes? I can't find them."

Suzanne looked over her shoulder as the owner of the voice made her appearance in the room behind them. Olivia felt as if the ground moved beneath her such was her shock. As she stood there staring, she could hear her heart beating wildly in her ears. Silence, deafening as any loud sound, swamped her.

It was her.

It was Rose.

The two women stood staring at each other, one no more horrified than the other. Olivia couldn't breath, she couldn't think, she could barely formulate a coherent thought in her mind. She had hoped beyond hope that it was a coincidence, but it was not. It was her, it was really her. Rose was alive and she was standing before her, flesh and blood alive and no longer a ghost.

Rose dropped the brush she had been holding as her face went pale with shock. "No," she barely managed to get out.

Suzanne whipped her head back around to look at Olivia. "Who are you?" she demanded hotly.

"I…" she tried to answer, but no answer could be found.

"What is going on here?" Suzanne looked from Rose to Olivia.

Rose stepped closer, shaking her head in denial as she did. "No," she said again. "Go away."

Olivia couldn't stop staring at her. Her worst nightmares were coming to life and the only thing she could do was stand there looking at it. Oh God, oh God, oh God, her mind raced. It was over, her life was over. Once Cal found this out it was over.

"Go away," Rose said firmer this time. "I don't know how you found me, but go away."

Go away? Olivia thought. How was she supposed to do that? Did she think it was as easy as her just turning and leaving? Did she think that would be the end of it? She snapped her eyes up at Rose and finally found her voice.

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that. We need to talk and I'm not leaving until we do."

**So, here we are at the end of the chapter. Are you wanting more? I hope you liked it. I want to say thank you for the reviews. All of you who are reading and reviewing, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. Thank you, thank you, thank you!**


	22. Chapter Twenty two

**Hello everyone, I finally updated. But, this by far was the hardest, most challenging of any chapter I have written. I labored over this chapter like no other and I want to send out a special thank you to Lilly for helping me. She was there helping me all the way, encouraging me, offering advice and just being a good friend while I screamed in frustration, lol. Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. So, I'll stop chattering and let you get on with the reading. **

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**Chapter Twenty-Two**

Olivia and Rose stared at one another for what seemed an eternity. Olivia now knew beyond anything that the woman standing before her was indeed Rose DeWitt Bukater. But how she came to be here in Los Angeles living in this small house under the name of Rose Dawson was mystifying considering the last anyone knew of her she was lost on the _Titanic._

"It's really you isn't it?" Olivia accused in a strained voice. "All of this time…" she shook her head in disbelief. "Why?

"I _said_ who are you?" Suzanne demanded again. "What's this about?"

"You have no right to be here." Rose snapped, visibly shaken by Olivia's appearance. "Just go away."

"Just go away?" Olivia repeated as she shook her head. "This has to be resolved and you know it, Rose. I can't go away until I talk to you. Why, everyone thinks you're-"

"No!" Rose cried as she stepped forward. "I don't want you here. I don't want to talk to you. Go back to where you belong."

Olivia couldn't believe what she was hearing. This was insane, the whole thing was insane. Rose was not dead, but alive and now she was ordering to go away as if she could really do that. Didn't she know that what this meant? Didn't she understand how this news would change everything in all of their lives?

"It's where you belong, too or have you forgotten that?" Olivia pointed out boldly.

Rose shook her head defiantly. "No, I haven't forgotten but I'm not going back."

Suzanne looked at Rose in confusion. "Rose? What is she talking about?"

As if shaking herself from a dream, Rose took a deep breath and turned to her friend. "Suzanne, I can't explain this to you right now but I'm asking to trust me. I just need a few minutes to talk to this lady."

Suzanne clearly didn't like it, but after some hesitation she agreed to Rose's request. "Fine, I'll go for a walk. But, I won't be long and I'll be coming back," she glared at Olivia as she spoke. She went into the bedroom leaving Rose and Olivia in awkward silence. Minutes later she returned dressed and still scowling at Olivia as she came to the door.

"Thank you," Rose told her as she made her way past Olivia. "This shouldn't take long." The two women didn't speak until Suzanne was down the walkway and out onto the sidewalk. Rose then crossed her arms tightly as she turned to Olivia.

"How did you find me? Does anyone else know you're here?" she asked grittily.

"No, no one knows I'm here. I'm alone," Olivia answered. She then glanced at her surroundings taking in Rose's home. "Why are you here? _How_ did you get here? None of this makes sense."

"How I got here is not important. I don't expect you to understand my actions, Olivia. I did what I did because it was my life and my choice. I have to live with it, no one else."

"This is absurd, Rose. You can't just walk away and pretend you were not who you were. What about your mother?… and Cal?… they mourned you, your friends mourned you. Everyone thinks your dead and you're not! You have to go back and make it right."

Rose laughed sarcastically then. "_That_ will never happen. I'm never going back to that way of life again. Rose DeWitt Bukater _is_ dead, she's been dead a long time now. I'm no longer that person."

Olivia stared at her for a moment trying to make sense of what was happening. "I don't understand any of this. You cannot honestly believe this will last, Rose. You can't hide out here forever pretending to be some kind of actress."

Shaking her head, Rose glared dubiously at her. "What do you want, Olivia? Surely you don't expect me to believe you're on some humanitarian mission to 'save' me. I know who you are now, _Mrs. Hockley."_

Drawing herself up, Olivia narrowed her eyes on her. "So, you know."

Rose smiled coldly. "Yes, I know. How unfortunate for you," she threw out sarcastically.

"How dare you," Olivia gasped. "You know nothing of my life."

"Nor do you know anything of mine. So, we're even."

Releasing a deep breath, Olivia held up her hand. "Enough. I'm not here to fight with you, Rose. That's not why I came."

"Then why did you come? What do you want?" Rose asked defensively.

"To talk to you, to see you…" she paused. "Isn't it obvious? I had to know if it was you. And…"

"And what? What Olivia?" Rose questioned uneasily. "I'm not going back, I'm never going back. You're married to him now so just leave well enough alone. No one has to know you found me."

"What about your mother? Don't you even care about what's happened to her?"

Rose paused for a moment. She lowered her eyes away from Olivia and sighed. "I'm sure my mother has survived quite nicely without me being around. She always has."

"She's remarried now," Olivia told her. "She's living in New York, too. That's all I know."

As if letting the news of her mother's marriage sink in, Rose turned away from Olivia. "I'm happy for her. But, if I know my mother she's moved on with her life without much fanfare. I'm sure my disappearance only gave her a minor pause of grief."

"How can you be so cold? The Rose I knew was not like this?"

"I'm sorry if you don't approve, but I can't worry about that now. I just want to be left alone to live my life the way I want. Let well enough alone, Olivia. Don't tell anyone you found me. Just leave… leave and don't look back," she stressed on the last.

Closing her eyes, Olivia's mind whirled with the thoughts of what could happen and she realized that perhaps Rose was right. Why should she get involved? This was her life and what she did with it was her own affair. Besides, if Cal knew it would change everything about her life as she knew it. She shouldn't have come here, she should have just let it go. Raising her eyes back to Rose, she felt her resolve crumble.

'I'm sorry, Rose. I should go now," she whispered hoarsely. "You don't have to worry, I won't tell anyone of your whereabouts. You're free to live your life without any threat from me."

Relief mixed with disbelief eased across Rose's face. "Thank you," she nodded. Then unexpectedly, she stepped forward and grabbed Olivia's hands. "I know we weren't great friends, but we _were_ friends at one time. Be happy, Olivia. Life is short and you only get to live it once… make it count."

Staring at her, Olivia felt the weight of the words lay on her shoulders. Nodding slowly, she turned away and walked toward the door. She paused for a moment and turned back to her. "I hope you find what you're looking for. Good bye, Rose."

Opening the door, she stepped out into the bright sunshine and down the short steps to the still waiting cab. Once inside, she told the driver to go and not once did she look back.

The ride back to the bungalow was strange and troubling. She didn't what had been accomplished other than finding out once and for all that Rose was alive, but now that she had this information she could do nothing with it. Perhaps it wasn't her place to do anything about it, but the burden of it was heavy nonetheless.

She was so lost in thought she didn't realize when the taxi pulled through the gates and stopped in front of the bungalow. Glancing out of the window, she saw the door open and Cal step out onto the porch. From the scowl on his face, she knew she was about to walk into the storm. She quickly paid the taxi and got out, slamming the door as he drove off.

"Well, if it isn't my wife back from her solitary adventure," he drawled in a dark voice.

"Cal," she started but stopped when he smiled wickedly and shook his head.

"The only thing I want to hear from you is an explanation of where you have been for five hours. No one seems to know where you were off to so I'm waiting to hear what was so important that you couldn't tell anyone where you were."

Swallowing hard, Olivia's mind raced with any number of lies to tell, but nothing came to her. She was already strung tight from her encounter with Rose and now to face Cal's wrath was even more stressful on her nerves.

"I'm waiting, Olivia. Where have you been?" he nearly growled in his anger.

"I… I can't tell you," she breathed hard and stepped back when he tried to seize her by the arm.

"Can't tell me?" he snapped. "I have been breaking my back trying to please you and you do this to me? I want an explanation, Olivia and I want it now!"

"Cal, can't we go inside. Please, let's go inside." She pleaded with him.

Staring down at her, he pulled her in front of him. "Yes, let's do," he breathed in her ear. Giving her no room to walk on her own he led her to their room where he slammed the door behind them. Finally, he released her arm with a jerk and ran an impatient hand through his hair.

"I'm trying, Olivia, really I am but when I find that my wife has disappeared and no one seems to know where she is, that does make me a happy man. Then, my wife herself refuses to tell me where she was for five hours so what am I to think?"

"Cal, please," she shook her head quickly. "I had something to take care of, that's all. Something personal."

"So personal you refuse to tell me," he questioned impatiently. He walked over to her and leaned over her menacingly. His dark eyes, made darker now by his anger, burned into hers. "Again, _where were you?_"

Olivia gripped the bed tightly as she looked at Cal. _He must never know, he must never know,_ her mind said over and over again. Her head began to swim, so she closed her eyes. She saw Rose pleading with her not to tell, she saw Cal's face swathed in anger, both pulling at her, wanting something from her she couldn't give. Grasping her head in her hands, she screamed. "Stop! Just stop! Don't do this to me!"

With a growl he lifted her from the bed. "Don't do this to _you?_ What have you done to _me_? What am I supposed to think when you refuse to tell me where you've been?"

"Cal, listen to me!" she grasped his waist as he held her tight and hard against him. "It's not what you think, I promise you, it's not," she rasped reaching for anything now. "I didn't want to tell you until I was sure, but, I… I think I'm pregnant again. I didn't want to tell you yet."

"What?" he breathed while his hold on her lessened. He looked down at her as if she had just slapped him. "What did you say?"

"I'm late and I… I just wanted to see a doctor but it's too early to tell."

"Another baby?" he swallowed hard. "And that's why the secrecy?"

"Yes," she lied to mask her fear. She hated lying to him, but she didn't know what else to do. Once he started he wouldn't stop. She searched his face and saw a small smile form on his lips. Then suddenly he let out a deep rumbled laugh and pulled her close to him, burying his head in her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Olivia. I didn't realize."

Quenching the desire to cry, she bit her lip and let him hold her. Finally, he pulled back and kissed her on the forehead. "I should have known it was something like that."

She gave him a hesitant smile but didn't say anything else.

"Well, that would explain the tiredness you've been experiencing the last few days. You haven't been sleeping well, either."

"No, I haven't. I'm not feeling very well right now," she told him, which wasn't a lie. She felt retched and horrible for lying to him this way. She rubbed her temple and to ward off the headache she felt coming on.

Cal frowned at her with concern on his face. "Why don't you lie down? I'll have them make something light and we'll eat out on the patio tonight."

Nodding, Olivia did as he said and let him lead her to the bed. Pulling the covers back she crawled beneath them and rolled on her side. Cal kissed her, nuzzling her ear in the process.

"Get some rest, I'll check on you later," he whispered. "Oh, and one more thing before I leave you," he stroked her cheek as he spoke. "You've given me no reason not to trust you up to this point, but if I ever found that you've lied to me, I would be very upset with you. But, I know you wouldn't do that… would you, Olivia?" His words were like pieces of ice surrounding her heart. She glanced up at him and into his dark, unwavering eyes. With an ominous and yet gentle smile, he kissed her forehead again and left her alone.

The sun cast its low shadows across the bed as Olivia lay there quietly. Finally, grasping the pillow, she buried her face in it and cried, letting the overwhelming feelings from the day finally find their release. It was then and only then, that in spite of feeling raw and exposed that she fell into an exhausted and dreamless sleep.


	23. Chapter Twenty Three

**I'm back with an update and I really enjoyed this chapter. I have to say thanks to the reviews I got... janet,kate, static, janell, roxy and rose, you guys are so sweet and I appreciate your reviews as always. ****Princess Fiona, thank you for reading my story and I'm so glad you like it. I really am humbled by your reviews. Lilly, you know where you stand. Without you, I wouldn't be so effective in getting these chapters done and updated. You are truly an inspiration. Melissa, I did as you requested. The changes are minor but they are there.**

**Without further ado...**

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**Chapter Twenty-Three**

The evening sun gave way to the long shadows of darkness as it crept across the horizon. With a start Olivia awoke and glanced around the shadowy confines of the bedroom. A prickly sensation ran across her skin as she sat up. She felt odd as if she were still inside a dream… perhaps she was. As the events of the day came back to her she realized that it wasn't a dream but a come to life nightmare.

Rose was alive.

She closed her eyes as if to shield herself from the truth. But, it was of no use to try and pretend that it had not happened. It was real… all too real.

Then there was Cal. Dear God, what would he do if he ever found out the truth? The lie she produced lay like a brick on her hurting heart. She was not pregnant, that much she was certain of. How she had told such a lie showed the ambiguousness of her thinking at the time.

Throwing back the light blanket she slid from the bed and stood on shaky legs. She had to compose herself before facing him again. Running a hand through her tumbled hair she made her way to the bathroom to splash her face with cold water. Clicking on the light, she stood before the basin letting the cool water flow over her hands before bringing it up to her hot cheeks. She caught her image in the mirror and stopped her movements.

Her eyes were bright and her cheeks flushed pink but other than that she looked no different on the outside. But, on the inside everything was different. Now she carried the weight of a secret so heavy it was burdensome on her soul. She would never be free from it nor could she ever release her hold on it. It was hers to carry for eternity. Why had she gone? Why did she have to pry and learn the truth? Why?

Pressing her hand to her mouth she felt the overwhelming need to scream but she could not. She could only bury it deep inside of her, so deep no one would ever know save herself the fate of Rose. She gritted her teeth in frustration and then it slowly faded as it was replaced with regret. The blame of this could not be placed on any one but herself. Rose didn't want to be found, she had made that perfectly clear.

A light tap at the door signaled someone was there. Grasping the hand towel, Olivia dried her face as she made her way across the room. She opened the door to find Marietta there, a worried expression on her pretty face.

"Ms. Olivia, you're up."

"Yes," she confirmed. "Just only."

"Mr. Hockley sent me here to wake you and ready you for dinner."

"Very well," she stepped back to let the girl enter. It was obvious Marietta had something on her mind. Her frown deepened as she turned to Olivia once she had shut the door behind her.

"Ms. Olivia, I must speak with you about something," she started.

"Yes, what is it Marietta?" Olivia urge, seeing the girl was clearly upset.

"It's Mr. Hockley. When he came home and you weren't here I… I wasn't sure what to tell him. You had told me that you were going to have lunch with him… in town… and when you weren't with him and he wanted to know where you were… I didn't know what to say."

A groan escaped Olivia's lips before she could stop it. Yet another lie she had told. She hadn't thought of it, not until this very minute. Taking her by the hand, she squeezed it tight. "Oh Marietta, I'm so sorry for putting you in that position."

"Ms. Olivia, I knew when you weren't with him, that you had not been to lunch with him but I gave nothing away. I know how Mr. Hockley can be… and I didn't want to be the cause of any turmoil between you. So, I told him nothing, which may or may not have been the right thing to do."

"You did the right thing, Marietta. I apologize again for that. I should have realized that Cal is not one to be fooled."

"He was upset to be sure, but I held firm. My loyalties are to you, ma'am," she nodded stalwartly. "Not to him."

Smiling weakly, Olivia hugged her. "Thank you. I appreciate it more than you know."

Marietta nodded and then stepped back as if embarrassed by being so intimate with her mistress. She smiled kindly though and lifted her head. "I will help you dress now."

Thirty minutes later Olivia joined Cal out on the patio. There were torches lit to add a billowy glow across the expanse of the area. The atmosphere was strangely calm, the gentle breeze and the soft roar of the waves in the distant added a tranquil feeling and yet there seemed to still be an underlying tenseness around them.

It was then that she noticed Patrick standing in the far corner with an undeterminable expression on his face. His eyes locked with hers as she came closer to the table. She felt uneasy with him being so close and turned away from him. He always saw too much where she was concerned and this was one time she wanted to give nothing away.

The chef brought their food to them not long after she sat down. It looked to be roast duck smothered in a brown sauce with carrots and asparagus on the side. They began to eat and that's when she saw Patrick move from his spot to walk towards them.

"If you'll not be needing me sir, I'll make my leave to the kitchen," he addressed Cal, who gave him a slight nod and made a sweeping gesture with his hand.

"Go McBride, enjoy your dinner."

"Yes, sir," he nodded and then swept his gaze to Olivia. He pursed his lips tightly but made no move to say anything else. He then abruptly turned from her and with purposeful strides walked toward the double doors going into the bungalow.

Olivia watched him until he disappeared inside. She shouldn't care that he seemed cool with her, that was the way it was supposed to be, but it _did_ bother her in spite of knowing she should feel otherwise. She suppressed the urge to lash out at all of the unfairness and the lack of control she had over her life anymore. She was being pulled this way and that and now she had Rose's secret to contend with as well. She stabbed her fork into a carrot began nibbling on it, eating it but not truly tasting it.

She became aware of Cal, who ever so often she would catch watching her as if trying to see past her eyes and into her mind, as if he would see something she wasn't presenting to him.

"I assume this doctor you saw today is capable?" he asked as lifted the wine glass to his lips.

She glanced over at him and after a moment found her voice. "Yes, he seemed to be," she answered unwaveringly, keeping up the facade of her fabrication.

"And his name?" he asked watching her reaction closely.

"Smith, I'm not sure of the first name," she lied smoothly. "I'll see my doctor when we return home next week. I'm not really fond of strangers looking after me."

The only response he gave was to lift his head with a small nod of understanding. "And what exactly was his diagnosis? How certain is he of your condition?"

Taking a deep breath, she sat her fork down and studied the roasted duck before her. "He wasn't sure I was at all," she answered and then looked up at him. "He said it was too early to tell. I just had been feeling so run down I had hoped he could tell me what was wrong. He told me to wait a few more weeks and then see my own physician."

He studied her for a moment and then gave her a small, one sided smile. "I'm not sure why, but I get the feeling you're keeping something from me. You aren't doing that, are you, Olivia?"

"No," she answered quickly, a little too quickly. Her heart skipped a beat when Cal's eyes narrowed on her face. She tried to smile but it wasn't an easy one. "I've told you everything, Cal."

He pushed the plate in front of him away and replaced it with his elbows, linking his fingers together and laying them lightly against his mouth. "I don't want anything to spoil our time together. But, I sense something is not right and I'm not sure what to do about it. I don't like being played the fool."

"Cal," she shook her head slightly. "I'm not doing that. Please, let's not do this. Why can't we just enjoy our meal and then take a walk?"

"I'm not sure I feel resolved about your absence today. I'm trying very hard to believe you but something in your behavior tells me otherwise."

"Why do you insist on pressuring me?" she asked before she could catch herself. "I've told you where I was and what I was doing. Why can't you believe me?"

A soft breeze blew then and sent a lock of dark hair across his forehead. His eyebrows lifted at her mild outburst and then he smiled; a cool smile that didn't reach his dark eyes. "And if I do believe you and let the matter drop, that will make you happy?"

"Yes, of course," she answered resolutely. As much as she hated lying to him, the necessity of it was very clear, more clear than ever now. His suspicions were aroused and it would take all of her energy to keep them at bay.

"Fine," he drawled and leaned back in his chair, lowering his eyes in a deceivingly calm manner. "I'll let the matter drop for now, but should I discover any dishonesty on your part, my retribution will be swift and sure. You know this, don't you?"

Clenching her jaw tightly, Olivia released a tense breath. "Yes, I'm afraid I do know. I know all too well."

He gave no response, but simply stared at her for a moment. "I believe I'm ready for that walk now. Would you like to join me?"

Giving him her response she stood to join him. He linked her arm through his as they made their way past the patio and onto the grainy, unstable sand. The night was cool and calm and no clouds hung overhead to dim the bright light of the moon. As hard as she tried Olivia could not relax and before they had gotten very far she felt another headache coming on. Pressing her fingers to her temple, she tried to push the pain away. Cal noticed this and stopped abruptly to ask if she wanted to turn back.

"Would you mind terribly?" she asked quietly.

"I suppose not," he said, but there was a hint of irritation behind his voice. Turning back, they came back to the patio again, where the kitchen help was already busy clearing the table from their dinner. Cal gave them no notice as they passed by them and entered the bungalow. He led her to the bedroom but not before summoning Marietta.

"Help Mrs. Hockley undress and make sure she lies down."

"Yes, Mr. Hockley," Marietta curtsied.

"I'll be in shortly. I will finish up a few things and then come to you," he said to Olivia.

"Alright," she grimaced as another dull pain shot through her head. He left and Marietta helped her undress as instructed. Once free from her clothing she lay back down in the bed with a cool cloth Marietta had brought her.

Olivia lay there for the longest time drifting in and out, not truly asleep but not truly awake either. She found it difficult to find a comfortable position and was constantly tossing and turning, careful not to jostle her head.

It was even later when Cal came to bed. She awoke when she felt him move next to her. She lay there quietly, pretending to be asleep so he wouldn't disturb her. She was afraid they would get into another discussion about her whereabouts that day and she simply wasn't in any condition to deal with it.

Time dragged on and still she could not find any peace. Her mind was full from the revelation of Rose being alive to Cal's reaction if he should ever find out. Try as she may, she could not rid herself from the uneasy feeling that lay like a mantle around her shoulders.

Cal had fallen asleep hours ago and she lay in the darkness listening to his even breathing. She realized it was no use and decided to get up and read in the next room. She had brought several books with her on the trip and she could think of no better time than now to focus her attention on something other than the turmoil that tumbled in her head.

Gently, so as not to disturb Cal, she slid from the mattress and lifted her robe as she padded across the floor. Her books were on the table in the living area of the bungalow. She had Marietta place them on the table next to the chair where the lamp was.

Shutting the door behind her, Olivia quietly made her way down the small hallway into the living area. She clicked on the small lamp that sent a golden glow across the room. She scanned the books, lifting one to read the title.

"I'd recommend _The Last Voyage Home,_" a voice said behind her.

With a start, she turned to the sound of it. Patrick was sitting in a lounge chair near the glass doors that led to the patio. His dark brown hair was slightly ruffled, his white shirt was hanging loose from his pants and the sleeves were rolled back exposing his tanned, muscular forearms. A cigarette dangled loosely between his fingers as he took her in.

"What are you doing?" she blurted accusatorily.

He shrugged lightly, "Sitting… enjoying the night."

"You startled me. I didn't know you were out here," she frowned.

"I wasn't expecting company, either. I thought I was alone."

"I'm sorry I disturbed you," she said as she turned to leave.

"Olivia," he called after her. She paused for a moment and turned hesitantly back to him. He stood from the chair snuffing out the cigarette as he did and placed his hands in his pockets. "You don't have to leave on my account."

As she stared at him, the thought came to her that it wouldn't be on his account, but it would be of hers. She shouldn't be alone with him, it was too dangerous.

"I had hoped to talk to you, I just didn't think it would be like this," he told her as he neared her.

"I'm not sure what you would have to talk about with me," she stated calmer than she felt.

"I'm not blind. I can see something has you upset. You've been upset for days now. You're preoccupied, anxious and obviously worried about something."

She flinched slightly, taken aback at how astute he was. She clenched her robe together as she tried to think of something to say, but nothing came to her. She shook her head and stepped away from him. "I think I should go, I… I shouldn't be here right now…"

"Please," he said but then he paused. He gritted his teeth, shook his head and looked away from her. "I know I have no right to be concerned, but I am."

"I must go," she breathed, but made no move to leave.

Suddenly Patrick was in front of her, his smoldering green eyes taking her in as if he were dying of thirst and she was the only thing who could quench it. His breathing was low and deep and then he slowly reached up and lightly stroked her cheek.

"Don't do that," she whispered hoarsely. "Please don't do that…"

His gaze turned hard and the hand that had so gently stroked her cheek now turned into a fist as he pulled it away from her. "Go," he shook his head tightly. "Leave now. If you don't, I will do something I'll regret… something I have no right to do…"

She should have done what he ordered, but she didn't. She was frozen in place, transfixed almost. She watched him as he leaned in closer, so close she could see the tenseness around his mouth. His eyes locked with hers as they stood facing each other.

"I know I have no right to feel what I'm feeling, no right to want what I'm wanting, but God help me I do. I want you more than I've wanted any woman. There's no rhyme or reason to this and I wish to God that I could just turn it off but I can't... I can't."

Olivia's mind was at a loss to register what he had said. He leaned even closer, his lips lingering over hers. She could feel his warm breath against her skin as his hand slid up her arm.

"Tell me to stop, tell me to leave you alone…" he whispered hotly.

"I…" she started, but could say nothing else.

With a low growl, he cupped her face and shook his head. "I can't do this. You deserve better than this. I may want you but I can't take what is not mine to take. Stay clear of me, Olivia. I'm only man made of flesh and blood, not stone."

With that he swung away from her and stalked to the glass doors leading to the patio. She watched him disappear into the darkness until she could no longer see his shadow. She stood in the middle of the empty room, feeling perplexed and bewildered at what had just happened. Finally, she turned and quietly made her way back to the bedroom, back to her husband, back to the burden that was her life.


	24. Chapter Twenty Four

**Update time, lol. It took forever I know. I was knocked to the second page! I labored over this chapter and props goes to Lilly and Kate for all their input. Thanks guys, appreciate it so much. As for my last reviews, thank you, thank you. You guys are awesome. You make me want to write better chapters. I hope you enjoy this one. It's interesting to say the least. So on we go...**

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**Chapter Twenty-Four**

As the days passed Olivia found herself spending more and more time alone. What was supposed to be a leisurely vacation for her and Cal turned into a prison of solitude for her when Cal's work kept him away until late in the evenings.

They would be leaving for home in a few days, which was fine with Olivia. This trip had not turned out as she had intended. Much had occurred that she would rather forget. Rose being among them and Patrick as well. Things between them had reached a point where she didn't know how to feel anymore.

She had played the scene from the other night in her mind many times over and every time she did the intensity of which had spoken to her still sent shivers coursing down her spine. He had no right to put her in this position. The lines between their worlds were very clearly drawn out and it was never meant to be crossed.

And yet, here she was thinking of him, wondering how his kiss would have tasted on her lips, wishing he would have done what he had so clearly wanted to do. It was wrong, it was so wrong she knew. He had opened Pandora's Box and it wasn't fair, it just wasn't fair that he done this to her.

Olivia sighed and laid her book aside. She had to far too much on her mind to concentrate on what she was trying to read. She glanced outside the window from the chair in their room to take in the hazy evening. The sun had not yet set and was creating a beautiful array of colors across the beach. She wished she could enjoy the scene, but she could not. She could only think about how tired she was of everything in her life being turned upside down. She only wanted peace in her life and yet somehow she never seemed to attain it.

In the distance of the other room she heard a slam of a door. She sat up and listened for any other sounds, but didn't hear anything. Could it be Cal home already? She decided she had better go check and see, so she left the room and came down the small hallway. At the door way and from where she stood she could see Cal on the patio. He was sitting so that she could him, his face dark and withdrawn and drawing heavily on a cigarette. She walked to the doors and hesitated for a moment, but it was enough for him to see her.

"Where have you been?" he asked as she came through the door. He threw his silver lighter on the table and scowled at her.

"Inside reading," she answered quietly. She could feel the tension coming off of him as she neared the table. "Cal, is something wrong?" she asked as she sat opposite of him.

He scoffed and rolled his eyes upwards. "Is something wrong?" he parroted her and then shook his head tightly. "Just leave me alone, Olivia."

"Maybe I can help," she offered sympathetically wanting to do something to improve his mood.

"There's nothing you can do," he replied testily and stood, walking to the railing to look out in the distance. He flung his cigarette butt aside, leaned forward and lowered his head.

Olivia stood as well and cam over to him, placing a gentle hand on his arm. "Is it your business?" she asked. He snapped his eyes towards her and stood straight, staring down at her harshly.

"I told you to leave me alone. You can't possibly comprehend what is going on so don't even try."

"But-"

"Enough!" he grabbed her by the arms and jerked her towards him. "You want to know what is going on, well I'll tell you. This deal is slipping out of my hands and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. If I fail at this, I have to go back to my father with my tail between my legs. Is that what you wanted to hear? Is it? That your husband is a failure!"

Stunned by his outburst Olivia gripped his arms to steady herself. She had never seen Cal this upset and now that she was closer to him she could smell the faint odor of alcohol. It frightened her a little, but she still tried to stay calm. "Cal, please calm down. I'm sure it's not as bad as it seems."

He growled down at her and squeezed her arms. "Don't tell me what to do. You have no idea what is at stake here. And even if I told you everything you're too simple minded to even begin to understand."

Shock reverberated through her body. She pushed back from him and faced him hotly. "How dare you say such a thing to me!"

Cal gritted his teeth and reared his hand back to slap her. But, he stopped himself and grabbed her hair, bringing his face down over hers. "Don't act so imperious, my dear," he nearly snarled at her. "How many times have I needed a wife and instead I get a child. I can never depend on your support. I can never depend on you to be a woman I need for you to be."

"I do try to help you. I do try and support you, but you won't let me!" she cried, hurt by his insult.

"I don't need your help," he ground and flung her aside callously. He stalked to the door and in the process he kicked the table over sending everything crashing to the floor. Olivia jumped back as he swung around to her and pointed his finger at her. "I don't need anything from you! What I do need is a drink and to be left alone." He then kicked the door open and slammed it behind him as he entered the bungalow.

Olivia stood staring after him, stunned at what had just occurred. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes but she held them in check. Refusing to give in to the hurt that threatened to overwhelm her, she turned and headed toward the beach. With her arms crossed tightly under her breasts, she reached the shoreline and began to walk away from the bungalow, away from Cal.

Frustration and anger coursed through her body when she thought about his outburst. For a few minutes she gave in to it, wanting with everything within her to scream but she was longer the naïve young woman she used to be. She was not going to allow this to break her.

She was hurt yes, but she had learned that if she were going to survive this marriage with Cal that she was going to have to attain a thick skin and so, she realized, she had. With this in her mind, she walked until she came to the enormous boulders that sat strong and sure against the pounding of the crashing waves. An idea began to form in her mind and so steadying herself against the gray rock, she pulled her stockings and slippers off.

She climbed one of the smaller rock formations, being careful to watch her balance. She came down the other side and discovered several pools of low water where the waves sometimes crashed over the boulders and landed. She sat down on a rock and covered her face with hands, letting the serenity of the cool air and sound the crashing waves soothe her.

She took a deep breath and threw her head back and saw that close by was the by far the largest rock formation she had come across, but it looked easily accessible and had several deep crevices for climbing. She went over it and looked up the side of it and decided that she needed to climb this, she needed to be alone.

Olivia lifted her skirt high and began her slow ascent to the top. The rock felt cool and smooth against her skin and she had no trouble making her climb. Each step up brought her closer and she could see that near the top it smoothed out like table. She wanted to make it there to sit for a while to collect her thoughts and then maybe, just maybe she could go back and face him.

She gripped the smooth rock and was almost to the top when a loud roar sent a huge wave crashing over the boulders and filled the pools beneath her. The water splashed so high it startled her and she lost her grip. In one terrifying moment she slid from her position and bounced down the side of the rock to land with a hard thud into one of the pools.

Stunned and shaken, Olivia sat up and looked above her at how far she had fallen. Thankfully she wasn't hurt, but she was drenched now and had a hard time standing. Just as she did, another huge wave crashed over and knocked her backwards into the nearest rock. With a slam her head connected with the stone and immediately she felt a sharp pain ringing in her ears. She winced and grabbed her head.

Before she could do anything else, yet another wave came over and hit her. She swallowed a mouthful of the bitter salty water that started a spasm of coughing which compounded the pain in her head.

Olivia finally understood what was happening. The tide was coming in and soon the shallow pools would fill. The water was up to her thighs now and rising. She knew she had to get out of there and quickly. Pushing the pain in her head aside she grabbed the now slippery rocks and tried to pull herself up. It was harder than she thought and it didn't help that the water was coming in stronger now and throwing her off balance.

"Olivia!" she suddenly heard above her. She gasped and looked up to see an anxious Patrick looking down at her.

"Patrick!" she nearly cried.

"Hold on, don't move!" he yelled down at her. She stood back and watched as he climbed down the precariously slippery rock face. He slipped once but with a final jump he splashed down into the water next to her. "Are you alright?" he asked worriedly as he reached for her.

"The water is coming in too fast I couldn't get out," she told him frantically.

"The tide's coming in," he confirmed what she already knew. The water was up to her breasts now and still rising fast. "We have to get out of here."

He took her hand and started the climb up the side of the slippery rock. She gripped his hand tightly as she followed him foot for foot. She slipped once but Patrick quickly grabbed her and pulled her up in front of him. He wrapped his hand around her waist as they made the slow climb to the top.

"Look there," he breathed heavily in her ear and pointed toward a small cut out in the rock that formed somewhat of a cave. They climbed up into it, going as far back as they could and huddled together.

It was a small space and Olivia was immediately aware of how close Patrick was to her. She tried to move away a bit but there was nowhere to move to. His wet body was pressed against hers and there was nothing she could do about it. She looked down and saw the water had completely covered the pools now and she realized they were trapped.

Patrick glanced over at her, concern etched on his handsome face.

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked her.

"Yes, I think so. I didn't expect it to rise so fast," she answered and rubbed her arms to ward off the chill that come over her.

"When I saw your shoes and stockings, I had a feeling where you'd gone."

She turned wary eyes onto him at this. "You followed me?"

"Yes. I was worried about you," he answered matter of fact.

She stiffened then. She knew he must know what occurred between her and Cal. She was embarrassed at his knowing what Cal had said and done. "I don't need you to worry about me, I'm fine and anyway, it's none of your business."

"No, it's not. But, I can't stand the way he treats you. I… I don't know how much longer I can stay, Olivia. I need this job, but not this badly."

Olivia's heart jumped in her chest. Leave? "You can't," she said before she realized she had even said it. "I mean…," she paused and turned away from him. "I don't know what I mean."

The silence that surrounded them was thick with tension and then Patrick turned to her, his face tight with control. "How can I stay, Olivia? It's getting too hard. I care too much for you to stand by and not say or do anything."

"I wish you wouldn't say those things to me," she admitted to him. "This," she motioned with her hands between them, "cannot be, Patrick. You said as much yourself the other night. I can't be responsible for you losing your job on top of everything else."

"You ask too much of me, Olivia," he rubbed his face. "Just now, what I saw happen between the two of you… it was all I could do not smash his pompous face. He doesn't deserve you."

Olivia closed her eyes at his words. "He's my husband," she whispered hoarsely. "Deserving has nothing to do with it."

"Leave him," he said suddenly as he turned to her and bore his eyes into hers. "I know what I said the other night, but after what I saw today, there's no way I can stand by and let you go back to him."

Olivia's eyes widened in shock. "What? What are you saying, Patrick? I can't leave him."

"Yes, you can," he nodded tensely and cupped her face. "You can come with me. I'll take care of you."

"No," she shook her head and tried to pull back. "My children, I could never leave them. This whole conversation is absurd."

"We'll take them with us when we get back," he replied. "Olivia, I care for you. I didn't mean for this to happen, I didn't want this to happen, but it has. When you're with him I get sick to my stomach. Don't you understand what I'm saying? Don't you understand what I'm trying to tell you? I love you, Olivia… God help me but I love you so much."

She searched his face and saw his feelings so clearly it was almost more than she could take. He loved her? Had he said those words? She felt her heart pound in her chest as he pulled her up to face him. Something strange was happening to her. As she looked into his blazing green eyes, she saw what she had longed to see in Cal's eyes but never had... and that was love. He did love her and it was real. Slowly, she lifted her hand to touch his face, her breathing coming fast and hard as she did.

"This is the hardest thing I've ever had to admit," he whispered softly. "I didn't want this. You have to believe me when I tell you I never wanted this to happen."

"I know," she nodded slightly. "I tried to stop it, too. This is crazy… how can this be happening?"

"We should stop…" he trailed off as he ran his thumb across her lips.

"Yes, we should stop," she breathed, but she moved closer even as she said the words. They were inches apart now, the heat between them nearly palpable. "Patrick, please, I… I don't know what to do."

He smiled then and moved closer until his lips hovered over hers. "My beautiful Olivia, you just have to trust yourself… that's all."

With a one deep sigh, she knew then what she wanted and had wanted for so long. She lifted herself to him and slowly, oh so slowly their lips met. Softly at first they came together, their lips touching, exploring and then Patrick gently cupped her head and opened his mouth over hers.

Tingles shot through her. She had never felt anything so erotic as his tongue sliding against hers. She moaned and wrapped her arms around him, bringing him as close to her as she could get. Feeling her resistance abate, he shifted and lifted her body to lie against his. He ran his fingers through her tangled hair as he plundered her mouth hungrily. She offered herself to him, holding nothing back. The kiss deepened, their mouths searching hot and hard together, their lips and tongues tangling in the age old dance of lovers before them.

Pulling back to get a breath, she ran her hands through his thick hair. "Oh God, I love you, Patrick. I don't want to feel this, but I do."

"I know, I know," he breathed hotly against her neck. "We're playing with fire."

"What are we going to do?" she nearly groaned from the impossibility of the situation.

"We'll think of something," he answered.

Suddenly, in the distance they heard a sound. Both of them stopped, alerted to what was obviously her name being called.

"Olivia!"

She heard her name again and looked at Patrick frantically.

Dear God, it was Cal.


	25. Chapter Twenty Five

**Chapter Twenty Five**

Cal!

Olivia grabbed Patrick's arms as panic ricocheted through her. "Oh God! He can't see us!"

Patrick pulled her close to him and held her trembling body tightly. "He won't, I promise. I won't let him hurt you anymore," he said firmly.

"You don't know him like I do, he'll kill you," she shook her head in fear. "We have to get out of here!" she exclaimed.

"Olivia, listen to me. You have to stay calm. You have to go out there," he grabbed her face and forced her to look at him. "You have to go out there to him, do you hear me?"

"No," she answered, her eyes wide with fright. "I can't, he'll suspect something, he'll know."

"If you don't go out there, he _will _be suspicious. He'll come looking for you and he'll find us. You've got to, Olivia. You've got to for your own safety."

"But, I don't want to leave you," she gripped his shirtfront.

"I know, I feel the same way, but you have to. We'll find a way to make this work. I don't know how, but we will."

"Olivia!" Cal's voice carried to them again only this time it was closer.

Patrick lifted his finger to his mouth and stilled her. He stared at her for a moment and then he pointed toward the entrance. "Go," he whispered. "It will be fine. I'll come to you later."

Never had Olivia been more frightened or uncertain in her life, but she knew she had to be strong. With a jagged breath, she nodded her head. Before she started backing away from him, he pulled her close for one more firm kiss. "I love you," he whispered.

She hugged him tightly once more before she turned away from him. She had to leave now before she lost her nerve. She gave him one final look before she stepped out onto the ledge. She looked down onto the expanse of the beach and saw Cal. His hair was mussed, his jacket hanging loose and his shirt was un-tucked from his pants as he came half running, half walking toward the rock formation.

"Olivia!" he called again as he looked around frantically for her. She stepped out further onto the ledge, holding on to the protruding rocks as she did. She slid once and let out a scream, immediately alerting Cal to her presence.

He saw her and came running toward her throwing off his jacket in the process. "Olivia, dear God!" he yelled as he hurriedly climbed up to meet her. As soon as he reached her he grabbed her and pulled her against him. "Oh God, you're alright," he groaned in her ear.

Olivia closed her eyes as he continued to hold her. She hesitantly put her arms around his neck. "I'm fine," she told him. "I was stranded when the tide came in."

"You could have been hurt or worse and it's all my fault. I should never have lost my temper with you," he pulled back and cupped her face. "I'm sorry, Olivia. Can you forgive me?"

Olivia tensed beneath his concentrated perusal of her. She felt horrible, sick almost. She wanted to run back to Patrick but she knew the impossibility of that. If Cal suspected at any time that anything was going on, she had no doubt that he would indeed kill Patrick. She really had no choice in what she did next, she did what she had to do to protect him.

"Yes, I forgive you," she nodded. "I shouldn't have pushed."

Cal laughed in relief then and pulled her tightly against him again. "I was so worried about you. If anything happened to you, I don't know what I would do."

Olivia closed her eyes as she listened to him. Oh, but he was so smooth, always saying the right things. But, this time her heart could not forgive him. Regardless of how she presented herself to him from now on, her heart was with Patrick.

"I think we should return to the bungalow now," she spoke up and slightly withdrew from him. "I'm wet and very tired."

"Yes, yes, of course," he acknowledged. He brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed it firmly. "I'm so glad you're alright, Olivia."

She smiled slightly as he held onto her hand and they began the descent down the rock face. He continued holding on to her as they walked back to the bungalow. Once inside their room he shut the door and came over to her, rubbing her arms in the process.

"I won't bother Marietta, I'll help you undress," he stated as she slid his arms around her waist.

"I don't want to keep you from changing," she said hoping to keep him at bay. But he only smiled and told her she was being silly, he wanted to help her get out those wet clothes. He turned her around and began unbuttoning the long row of buttons down her back, stopping every little bit to kiss the exposed skin as he did.

"I shouldn't have lost my temper, Olivia," he whispered silkily. "I need you more than you know. I should have never taken it out on you."

Olivia bit her lip as tears of frustration formed in her eyes. She could do nothing nor say anything to stop him. This had happened too many times before. He always became aroused after his anger abated, but this time was different. She didn't want him to touch her and yet she had no choice. He was her husband.

Later, after it was over and they lay in their bed, Olivia wept silent tears. She wanted to go home. She wanted to remove herself from this place and never return. She wanted to see her children and she wanted Patrick. He was the only person who truly cared for her, who had not tried to hurt her. She didn't know how or when, but one day they would be together, she was sure of it.

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The days passed quickly and soon it was time to head home. It was early October now and they saw the changing landscape as the train rolled by. By the time they reached Philadelphia they were more than happy to be there.

Once they were met at the station by Cal's driver and were on their way, Olivia's excitement over seeing her babies grew with each mile. Patrick and Marietta sat across from them, his eyes turning to her every now and then. They had maintained their aloofness around each other for appearances sake but when their eyes met, it spoke volumes of their true feelings for one another.

She knew he could see her anticipation at going home and he gave her a small, reassuring smile. It warmed her heart that he knew her so well, that he could see so clearly who she was and what was important to her.

The Daimler pulled up the neatly manicured driveway as their home came into view. It was a glorious sight and one she was so glad to see. In the few minutes it took for the automobile to motor up the drive, the staff had come outside to greet them. Olivia saw Mrs. Ryan with the twins and her heart jumped into her throat.

"Oh look, there they are!" she cried.

"I see them. They've grown a bit I do believe."

"They're beautiful!" she covered her mouth. "Oh, stop this car so I can get out." In a few moments the car did come to a stop and Cal didn't wait for the driver to come around, but stepped out and helped her out instead. Immediately she ran over to them and quickly gathered them into her arms. "My babies!" she hugged them and sporadically kissed them back and forth on their sweet cherub faces. At first they looked at her as if they didn't know her, but soon enough they had smiles on their faces and clapped their hands at her excitement.

"Let me see this young man," Cal walked up and lifted Nathaniel from her. He tweaked his nose and laughed at his reaction. "You know, I do believe he's going to be quite the strapping man one day."

Olivia stood with Catherine in her arms and reached over to kiss Nathaniel's face again. "Oh, I can't get over it. They've grown so much. We must never leave them this long again, Cal. Promise me we won't."

"We won't leave them again," he said to her. He then took Catherine's hand and held it, smiling down at his daughter. "Let's go inside shall we?"

"Yes, I want to hold them until my arms fall off," she laughed and followed his lead. As they walked toward the opened door, the staff greeted them, bowing slightly to them and expressing their happiness at their return. Angelina was waiting at the door when they entered.

"Hello, ma'am, sir, it's so good to see you home," she curtsied to them.

"Hello, Angelina," Olivia stopped and addressed her. "It's good to be home, too. I've missed everyone."

Henderson was also standing nearby and took Cal's hat and coat from him. "Sir," he nodded. "Welcome home."

"Thank you, Henderson," Cal said, shifting Nathaniel in his arms.

"Your parents are awaiting you in the drawing room, sir. Both Mr. and Mrs. Hockley and Mr. and Mrs. Barlow. Should I tell them of your arrival?"

Olivia looked over at Cal. She saw him physically tense at Henderson's announcement and she knew it was because of his father. Whatever hold Nathan had on Cal, it was a strong one.

"Well, I suppose if we must," he answered with a frown. He turned to Olivia and shook his head. "I had hoped not to have to see them as of yet."

"Maybe they won't stay long," she answered feeling his tenseness increase.

"I might as well face him now and get it over with," he muttered and handed Nathaniel over to Angelina.

"I'll see to the babies. I want to take them upstairs for a bit and then I'll be back down," she said to him. He drew himself up and gave a slight nod.

"Very well, I'll tell our parents. Don't be too long," he ordered as he stepped away from her. She watched him until he disappeared behind the drawing room doors then she bid Angelina to follow her upstairs with Nathaniel.

Some of their things were already being brought up as they entered the nursery. She had bought several gifts for the twins as well as more outfits for them. She couldn't get over how they had grown and how sweet they were. Nathaniel was already trying to pull himself to standing while Catherine still crawled. Her honey blond hair fell into her little curls around her neck while Nathaniel's grew darker. They had changed so much in the month they had been gone. She meant what she had told Cal, she never wanted to leave them that long again.

Mrs. Ryan bustled in that moment and gave Olivia a slight nod of her head. "Mrs. Hockley, I hope your trip was pleasant."

"Yes, Mrs. Ryan, it was wonderful. But, I'm very happy to be home."

The usually rigid woman gave Olivia a small smile. "As are your children. They did miss their mother. I was but a substitute for you."

Olivia was at a loss for words. This was the first time Mrs. Ryan had offered any kind of friendliness toward her. "Thank you. I appreciate your saying so."

Seemingly awkward about Olivia's appreciation, she simply nodded again and walked over to the dresser and began putting things away.

Olivia stayed with the twins a while longer, playing with them, holding them until she decided that it was time to go down into the lion's den. She blew them kisses as she pulled the door of the nursery to and started across the landing to the staircase when she heard her name being called out in a whisper.

She turned and saw Patrick standing near the door that led to her sitting room. Her heart sped up as she glanced around to see if anyone was around. Seeing no one, she ran over to him where he immediately pulled her in and shut the door behind them.

"Patrick," she breathed excitedly. This was the first time they had been alone since that day on the beach. He placed a finger on her lips and smiled down at her.

"We don't have much time," he said as he lifted her face up to his. "God, how I've missed being alone with you."

"Me too," she slid her hands up his arms positioning herself closer to him. "It's been torture."

"Olivia," he whispered. "If I don't kiss you…"

"What are you waiting for?" she lifted herself up on her toes and offered herself to him. With a groan he lowered his mouth on hers and soon they were both swept up in a whirlwind of passion. Patrick cupped the back of her head as he sweetly plundered her eager lips. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and ran her fingers through his hair.

The kiss went on and on, neither of them wanting it to stop. It was like nothing either of them had ever experienced before and it was intoxicating and wild. Olivia's whole being belonged to him, she had no doubt of it. She loved him and he loved her… she felt it all the way to her soul.

Finally, Patrick pulled back, his breathing labored and heavy. "We have to stop, Olivia. Anyone could come along at any time."

"I know," she breathed just as heavily. "It's too dangerous."

He smiled then and ran the pad of his thumb across her swollen lips. "That makes it all the more exciting, doesn't it?"

"Yes," she breathed as she ran her hands across the expanse of his chest.

Patrick eyes lowered her at admission. "What are you doing to me?" he nearly groaned. "You have vexed me until I can't think of anything else but you."

"Good," she replied knowingly. "Because you've done the same to me."

He shook his head and gritted his teeth. "You have to go now, before I forget where we are. We can't take the chance of being seen."

She nodded. "You're right. I told him I would be down shortly."

"Later…" he brought her hand to his lips. "I promise."

"I'll be waiting," she said as she backed away. She kept her eyes on him until she opened the door and then slowly closed it behind her. Taking a deep breath, she headed for the stairs and down to her waiting family.


	26. Chapter Twenty Six

**Chapter Twenty Six**

Olivia stopped in front of the parlor doors to catch her breath. She smoothed down her dress and tried to calm her jittery nerves. She had to remain composed for both of their sakes. Pasting a smile on her face, she entered the doors and greeted everyone.

"Olivia," Constance stood from the chair and came over to her.

"Mother," she smiled and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "How are you?"

"Darling, I have so much to tell you," she shook her head dramatically. "But, first let me look at you."

Olivia stepped back as her father came over to her and hugged her. "How are you, my dear?"

"Tired," Olivia admitted. "But, glad to be home."

She looked over at Cal who leaning against the bar with a drink in his hand, looking at her rather oddly. She smiled at him to try and mask her true feelings. That's when she noticed Nathan and Elizabeth nearby, both sitting on the sofa smiling at her.

"Mr. and Mrs. Hockley," she greeted them. "How lovely of you to come to welcome us home."

"Olivia, dear," Elizabeth held out her hand in a gesture for her to come over. Elizabeth Hockley was a demure woman, but her demeanor belittled the strong backbone and constitution she possessed. She was a true matron of society, her elegance a mark by which most set their own standards. She was always impeccably dressed and she always wore a soft smile. She was a beautiful woman even at this stage of her life with sable brown hair and warm golden eyes that seemed to take you right in.

Olivia came over to her mother in law and kissed her cheek and did the same for Nathan. He smiled knowingly at her, almost smugly in his appearance. She gave him a puzzled look before Constance called for her again.

"Well Olivia, Cal has told us of your news. How wonderful that you are giving us another grandchild."

Olivia felt her heart fall to her feet. Her eyes met with Cal's and he lifted his tumbler to her. She smiled stiffly and cleared her throat as she walked over to where he stood. "I haven't seen a doctor so I'm not completely sure of my condition," she finally managed to get out.

"You must see your doctor right away, dear," Elizabeth said in a no nonsense tone. "After all, you've traveled quite a distance and you must take every precaution to assure a healthy confinement."

"Yes," Olivia nodded. "I intended to have Dr. Covington come out first thing."

Elizabeth smiled at her, pleased that Olivia was being so sensible.

"Don't worry, Mother, I have the good doctor coming out in the morning to check her over." Cal said as he took a sip from the tumbler.

The conversation continued on with their parents quizzing them on the trip… what they saw, what they did, where they went. She glanced over at Cal who was now going for his second drink. Every now and then she would see him looking intently as his father.

"Olivia," Constance said to her, breaking her from her thoughts. "I hope you're feeling better by the time of Madeline Carter's Autumn Ball. It is the event of the season you know."

"Oh yes," she acknowledged. "I am looking forward to it." Madeline hosted her Autumn Ball every year at this time and it was one of the most highly anticipated events of the year. She spared no expense as it was the most sought after invitation. Anyone who was anyone was expected to be in attendance. She, Thalia and Charlotte, who was also Madeline's niece, were allowed to go for the first time the year they made their debut.

"Madeline has changed course this year, however," Elizabeth said to Constance. "This year it will be a masquerade ball. Quite clever I think."

Olivia could tell her mother wasn't pleased about not knowing the change of venue. She prided herself on always having the first hand knowledge of every event. "A masquerade ball sounds intriguing," Olivia commented to smooth out her mother's irritation.

"Intriguing? I can't imagine what Madeline is thinking," Constance sniffed in mild reproach. "I've never heard of anything so ridiculous."

"It was an idea I gave her after Nathan and I attended Lady Cornelia's masquerade ball on our last holiday in England," Elizabeth answered coolly.

Olivia glanced over at her mother and saw her visibly tense. Somehow this conversation had made a wrong turn and she decided it was time to turn it around. "Well I'm sure however it came about, it will be wonderful. Mrs. Carter's events always are. Mother, did you know Nathaniel has begun standing on his own? I'm sure he'll be walking before we know it."

Constance smiled slightly at her comment. "They are growing so fast, aren't they?"

"Of course, he's standing… he's a Hockley," Nathan declared. "All Hockley male's walk at an early age."

"That's true," Elizabeth nodded. "Caledon began walking at ten months of age. Of course, after he did the household was never the same," she laughed quietly. "I can't begin to tell you how many governesses' he went through his first two years alone."

"Thank you, Mother," Cal drawled lightly.

"Well, it's true Caledon, you were a handful," she smiled warmly at her son. "Every governess I brought in, you wore out in a matter of months. You were a demanding child, but then strong, assured men usually begin that way."

"Speaking of, I think it's time Caledon and I retired to his office to discuss a bit of business," Nathan said rising to his feet. "You're welcome to join us, Charles," he turned to Olivia's father as he spoke.

"I believe I will," Charles answered and walked over to him.

"Father, I'm not sure this is the time…" Cal started but stopped at Nathan's sharp glare. A small twitch of the jaw was the only sign Cal gave of his displeasure. He slowly sat the tumbler aside and gave a terse smile. "Of course," he nodded and headed for the doors.

"We shan't be long, ladies," Nathan gave a slight bow as he joined Cal and Charles at the doors and all three men exited the room at the same time.

Once they were alone, Olivia sat beside her mother, who immediately turned to her. "Olivia, I would like to speak with you alone if Elizabeth doesn't mind."

Elizabeth smiled slightly, lifting her head as she looked over at Constance. "Of course not, I'll go visit with my grandchildren."

"Thank you, Elizabeth. I haven't had a moment alone with my daughter in quite a while."

"If you will excuse me," she stood and walked to the doors. Once she closed them behind her, Constance took Olivia's hands.

"Darling, I am so glad you're home. I simply have been dying to talk to you. The most dreadful thing has happened. Your sister is married and not only that, she's with child," she barely managed to get the words out. "I've been sick for days worrying about her."

Olivia was surprised at her mother's confession. She looked sincerely worried and concerned over Emma. "You've heard from her then?"

"Yes, she wrote to me," she nodded unhappily. "Olivia, what have I done? I thought I was protecting her and now… now she's married to this boy and is having his child. How could I have been so wrong?"

"Mother," Olivia squeezed her hand sympathetically. "Emma is headstrong and she always has been. I know things haven't turned out the way you planned, but at least she's happy and taken care of. Isn't that what's important?"

Constance tensed and shook her head. "No, that is not what's important. She was made for better things than to be married to that stable hand grubbing around in some shack having his offspring. I did not raise my girls to live like that."

Olivia sighed. "But, she loves Joshua, Mother. She's happy, she truly is. Can't you just accept it?"

Constance bit her lip as tiny tears sprang in her eyes. "When I think of my daughter living like some common street person, it just breaks my heart. How can you even ask me if I can accept it?"

"But-"

"No, I cannot and will not. At least I have one daughter who is living the life I raised her to live. You have everything I ever wanted you to have… a good husband, children, prestige and social standing."

Olivia could only stare, not sure how to respond. …_a good husband, children, prestige and social standing, _the words fell on her ears like stones dropping one by one. Guilt washed over her, causing her chest to constrict. It was more than she could take because if her mother knew the truth, it would be too much to bear.

"Darling, you have no idea how happy I am for you. I know this trip was just the thing you and Caledon needed to bring you closer together. He was just going on and on about how wonderful it was."  
Olivia felt her throat tighten, but she managed to smile anyway. "Yes," she nearly bit out, but she held herself in check. "It was… wonderful, just as Cal said."

"I knew I could depend on you to be the strong one. Don't get me wrong, I still love your sister very much, but I simply cannot condone the choice she has made with her life."

"Even if she's happy?" Olivia asked quietly.

"Olivia, don't you understand? She is seventeen, she is married and she's with child. She has blatantly thrown away every sensible thing I have ever taught her without a second thought. What is her life going to be like now? I cannot bear to think about it," she broke on the last words and turned her head aside.

Suddenly the door to the parlor swung open and Cal strode in with quick strides over to the bar. Both Olivia and Constance turned wide eyed to him as he picked up the decanter and sloshed a drink into the nearby tumbler.

"Cal?" Olivia questioned warily.

"Constance, forgive me but could I ask you to leave me alone with my wife?" he said not turning to them, but stood rigidly with his back to them.

"Yes," she stood and glanced down at Olivia. She nodded reassuringly and then left the parlor, leaving them alone.

"Cal, what's wrong?' she questioned coming near him.

Cal didn't answer but lifted the tumbler and threw the contents back in one gulp. He slammed it down on the bar and grabbed the decanter again. "My father is what's wrong. I knew this would happen," he muttered and poured another drink. "It went as badly as I thought it would."

"Oh no, I'm sorry," she offered sympathetically.

"Caledon, I wasn't through with you!" Nathan boomed from the doorway. "How dare you just walk out like that."

Both turned to him as he came into the room. He was coiled tight, but then so was Cal. Olivia could feel the tension mounting with every passing second.

"I walked out because I'm through, Father. I failed to make the deal, what else is left to say?" Cal sneered toward him.

"Stop your sniveling. A real man accepts his failures and moves on, they don't wallow in them," Nathan scoffed darkly.

"I'm not wallowing," Cal gritted.

"I grow weary of your excuses. I've had enough of them," he drew himself up. "I will not discuss this further. Be at my office first thing in the morning and we will decide where to go from there," he snapped and turned on his heel. He stopped at the door and looked back to them. "And Caledon, don't be late. I expect you sharp at eight, no excuses." And with that, he walked out and slammed the door.

Olivia had never seen Nathan behave this way and for a moment she felt truly sorry for Cal. She slowly looked over at him and saw the tenseness had gripped his whole body. With a growl he threw the tumbler across the room, shattering it against the wall. Olivia jumped back at his outburst, her eyes wide in fright.

"Why do I bother?" he laughed harshly. "It's never enough, it's never enough!" he gritted as the laughter turned over to frustration again.

Olivia stared at him for a moment, not sure what to do next. She watched as he walked over to the sofa and fell back on it, holding his head in his hands dejectedly. "It's no use, Olivia. I will never be what he expects me to be."

She stepped forward stopping just short of him. "Cal, don't do this. Don't let him do this to you."

Cal glanced up at her and smiled weakly, shaking his head. "Always the optimist, aren't you? Well, I'm no fool. I know I'm no good for you either, Olivia. You deserve better than me."

"Don't say that," she answered with a slight shake of her head.

"It's the truth, isn't it? Everything I've done…"

"Has been for us, for our family," she heard herself say. Where those words had come from, she wasn't sure. Suddenly the room felt closed in, as if there was no room breath. She turned away from him and clenched her eyes shut. She didn't want to feel for him and yet she did. She heard him stand and come behind her, he then placed his hands on her arms. "I don't deserve you."

"Cal-" she started.

"I don't deserve you," he interrupted her quickly, lowering his mouth to her ear. "But, I need you in so many ways. I don't know what I would do without you."

She didn't know why, but she let him hold her then, let him turn her around and pull her into his arms. "I can't ever lose you, Olivia. You make me a better man. Better than I could ever be on my own."

As Olivia stood in the arms of her husband she felt her heart crumble. This wasn't fair… it wasn't fair. She knew she loved Patrick, but Cal's need of her was strong. Whatever he was or wasn't, he was still her husband and she felt a sense of loyalty to him in spite of the turmoil that he created within her.

Where did that leave her? For once, she simply didn't know.


	27. Chapter Twenty Seven

**Hey guys! I finally updated. I hope you like this one and thanks for the reviews for Ch. 26. They were all great. **

**Btw, I hope you all will check out Lilly and I's new Cal fic we just started, called The Heir. It was something that we decided to try since we both love Cal in spite of his evil ways. So, please read and review if you like it. Thanks!**

**Tipper**

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**Chapter Twenty Seven**

The night air was cool against Olivia's skin as she stepped out onto the patio. She gripped the small slip of paper in her hand, the words written on it searing into her mind. She had found it tucked beneath her hand mirror on her vanity as she was dressing for bed.

_At the stables… _was all it said, but she knew what it meant. She had waited for Cal to fall asleep before attempting to rise and go downstairs. She bit her lip and frowned, contemplating what she would do. Her heart was heavy, as was her mind on what the significance of meeting Patrick would actually mean.

She released a small, tense sigh and looked toward the sloping hill that led down to the stables, knowing that Patrick was there waiting for her. She pulled her robe close around her and started across the patio and out onto the lawn.

She kept looking back over her shoulder in the darkness fearing someone would see her, but all was dark and quiet. Her heart was beating rapidly as she neared the spread out wood structure. She could see the large doors with a bold **H** on each side that led inside where the horses were kept, but her eyes focused on the small side door instead.

Nearly running the last bit of the way, she stopped to catch her breath, leaning against the door facing for support. Her eyes darted around the expansive darkness trying to see if anyone was about, but again all was quiet and dark. Nervously, she turned to the door, gripped the handle and slowly opened it, peering inside as she did.

The aroma of fresh cut hay, manure and horseflesh permeated her senses as she stepped deeper inside. Closing the door behind her, she felt along the wall as she came into the opening. She could hear the soft snorts of the horses and quiet thud of their hooves as they shifted in their stalls.

Afraid to speak, she narrowed her eyes into the semi-darkness hoping to see Patrick or at least hear him. Suddenly, the gritty sound of footsteps against the wood floors broke the silence and a figure appeared from one of the stalls.

"You came," his rich timbered voice spoke to her.

Olivia felt her pulse quicken as he came closer to her. He was dressed more casually than she had ever seen him in a gray loose fitting shirt and black linen pants that were covered to the knee by worn brown boots.

"Yes," she whispered nervously, her boldness from earlier now gone. Talking with her mother and seeing Cal's vulnerability with her, had given her pause in her actions. She was sure and unsure at the same time and the conflict had worn on her nerves all evening.

He stared at her intensely for a moment and offered her his hand. She took it and he slowly led her to the empty stall he had just came from. He propelled her deep into the back where a small blanket laid spread out on the hay. He helped her sit and then he joined her.

Neither of them spoke at first, the silence hung thick in the air around them. She fiddled nervously with her rings, licking her lips every so often to moisten them. She glanced up at him and spoke softly. "Patrick, I don't know if I can do this…"

He had propped himself up on his elbow in front of her. He was watching her play with her rings when he placed his hand over hers to stop her movements. "I'm not forcing you to be here."

"No," she answered quietly, feeling the warmth of his hand on hers. "I'm just so confused… and afraid."

He nodded slightly, still giving nothing away. "Do you want to go back?" he questioned her.

"That's the problem. I don't know what I want," she paused and looked down into his eyes. "Tonight something happened… it's complicated."

"Then why are you here?" he asked in response.

"I don't know," she admitted as she shook her head.

"Olivia," he lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed it. "You don't have to do anything you don't want. I know this is dangerous and I know what's at stake. I don't want you to be here with me if you don't want to be."

She closed her eyes and stifled a groan. "But that's just it, Patrick. I do want to be here with you. More than you know, but…" tiny tears formed in her eyes as she looked away from him. "This is impossible, this whole thing is impossible."

Patrick brought her into his arms and held her. He murmured little words of comfort in her ear and then he pulled back slightly, kissing the salty tears from around her eyes. His lips were but a whisper as he moved around her face, softly kissing her. Finally… finally he came to her mouth. He lingered there, not moving… waiting breathlessly for her to respond.

"Olivia," he said her name, letting the sound of it roll off of his tongue sweetly.

She moved her head up slightly bringing her mouth close to his. It was wrong… it was wrong… her mind said over and over, but she couldn't seem to stop herself. Slowly his mouth came over hers firmly and yet gently, taking his time as he softly nipped at her lips. There was no pressure, no urgency to stop; there was only the two of them caught up in their exploration of each other.

He brought his hand to the base of her neck and pulled her closer, deepening the kiss as he did. Olivia was lost in the wonder of him, lost in what he was doing to her and what she was feeling. Slowly, he left her mouth and made his way down her neck, kissing her softly as he came to the sensitive area beneath her ear. She could feel his warm breath spreading out on her skin as he did.

"This can't be happening," she breathed. "We have to stop before it goes too far."

He laughed quietly against her throat and slid his hands up through her hair. "I've already gone too far, there's no turning back for me now. Whatever happens from this moment on, I'm going to be in love with you."

"Oh, Patrick," she sighed as he once again covered her mouth with his own. The kiss went on and on, and just when she thought she could take no more, he pulled back allowing only a minimal amount of space between them.

"I want you, Olivia," he whispered hotly.

"I can't," she breathed and shook her head. "At least not yet. Things are too complicated as it is."

"This is torture," he groaned but still he held her close. "To want you, knowing I can't have you is more than I can bear."

"I know, but I just can't. It's too soon, Patrick," she pulled back to look at him, her eyes pleading up at him. "Please understand, please tell me you do."

As he stared down at her, he gave her a sorrowful smile. "What choice do I have? I understand because I know what kind of woman you are and that's the woman who would tell me no right now, even when I can't think clearly myself."

"You're not angry?" she asked warily.

He answered by shaking his head, "No, I'm not angry. Never with you," he said and kissed the tip of her nose. "I think you should leave though. You don't want to take the chance of being missed should…" he paused for a moment and glanced upwards, "_he _awaken and miss you."

"Yes," she agreed and closed her eyes. "You're right, of course."

He stood and pulled her to her feet, holding her hand as he walked her from the stall to the side door. "Sleep well," he whispered and pulled her in his arms again. This time he kissed her more passionately, letting her feel the love he had for her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and stood on her tiptoes kissing him back with as much love as she felt. All too soon it was time to leave and she only looked back once as she made her way to the house. She didn't see him, but she knew he was there. Quietly, she crept in and back to her room where she silently slid into bed.

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November, 1914

The routine of finally being back home set in and Olivia found much of her time was spent running the household and being with her children. As satisfying as it all was, every once in a while she would feel the sensation of emptiness, like a part of her was missing. She had given it much thought over the weeks and she had come to the conclusion that her life narrowed down to two the things… Cal's need of her and Patrick's love for her. Alone, neither of them could stand, but neither could she have them both. She was split completely down the middle in her feelings and she could find no comfort in either one.

She had not seen Patrick alone in the week and a half they had been home, not since the night in the barn. Discretion was essential to her survival, no matter how strong the feeling was to go to him. The impossibility of this situation also grew every day and as hard as she tried, she could see no easy answer or a conclusive end to it.

But, all of that changed when the doctor confirmed what she already knew, that she was not pregnant. That's when Cal's drinking had increased and his attitude had changed toward her. He became distant and withdrawn from her on a daily basis. She suspected that his father was also bearing down hard on him, but she didn't know how to handle the situation. Cal was complex as it was and this added drama had not helped anything.

It was finally the evening of the Carter's Masquerade Ball and Olivia and Cal were on their way to attend. The theme of the party was the French Court of Louis the Fourteenth. The costumes were to be elaborate creations of brocade, satin, silk, ribbons and colorful gems. Olivia's own gown was that of several shades of blues trimmed in gold and ivory. Her headpiece was a fan of light blue feathers secured by a jewel encrusted comb which was nestled in her elaborate upswept hairdo Marietta had created. Her mask matched the headpiece with its blue and ivory tones and the same encrusted jewels, covering more than half of her face.

Cal was not quite as fancily done, but his brocade coat and breeches of rich gold and ivory was quite striking on his lean form, giving him the look of an aristocrat from long ago.

As usual, Patrick and Marietta accompanied them to assist in whatever way they were needed. As they passed through the Carter's gate, the automobiles were lined up in front of the brightly lit manor. As they waited for their car to reach the front, Cal adjusted his cravat and smoothed down his coat.

"I can't believe my mother suggested this. I feel ridiculous," he slightly huffed.

"Just relax Cal, this is supposed to be fun," Olivia replied.

"Fun…" he shook his head mockingly. "What is fun about dressing up like a peacock? I don't know what was wrong with the gala as it was."

Olivia didn't answer this time but swept her eyes over to Patrick, who in turn gave her a small wink. She smiled slightly and then turned her head away from him, as to not give herself away.

Cal dipped into his pocket and removed a small silver flask, unscrewed the lid and took a drink from it. Olivia frowned at him, he had been drinking a lot lately, she thought to herself. Now, he had taken to carrying it around with him as well.

"Do you think that's wise?" she asked quietly. "I know you had at least two drinks before we left."

Cal turned his dark eyes onto her and bristled tensely. "Are you keeping track of my drinking habits now?"

"I can't help but notice it. You've taken to drinking more and more lately."

"My drinking habits are none of your concern, my dear wife," he gripped his jacket and stashed the flask away. "I'll thank you to stay out of my business and do not question me about anything I do."

"And if I do question you, what then? Do you not think I know how much you've been drinking? I'm not blind, Cal," she finished curtly.

His face registered disbelief at her small outburst. Then his eyes lowered and his lips curled back into a snide grin. "My my," he drawled heavily. "You're quite the little performer tonight, Olivia. Care to make any more observations on my behavior?" he asked in a tone that suggested that if she were wise, she wouldn't.

Olivia leaned back in the seat and turned her head away from him. "No," she answered resolutely. "I have nothing else to say about your drinking."

"See, I knew you'd come to your senses," he answered with a triumphant smile. "Now, let's not this little incident ruin our evening. We're here to have a good time, and in spite of these ridiculous clothes, I intend to."

Olivia bit the inside of her lip as she closed her eyes in frustration. When she opened them, she saw Patrick looking at her, his jaw twitching in controlled anger. Her frustration instantly turned to fear when she saw his face. He was giving far too much away and she begged him with her eyes to not show his feelings so clearly. She glanced over at Cal, but he was smoothing down his jacket and not looking in Patrick's direction.

_No,_ she mouthed to him. _Please,_ she slightly shook her head. His hands were tightened into the fists as his eyes danced brightly with anger, but upon her pleading request he released them and let out a small, tense breath. Olivia could only stare at him in appreciation. At that moment, the Daimler pulled up to the front and the door was opened by a costumed footman. Cal stepped out first and then he helped Olivia out. Patrick and Marietta were to stay inside as they were to enter in the back with the other servants.

As the automobile drove away, Olivia took Cal's outstretched arm and they walked up the carpeted walkway and through the brightly lit opened doors. They were immediately greeted by Madeline and Hawthorne Carter, who were brightly dressed in similar eighteenth century attire.

"Caledon, Olivia, how lovely you could come," she smiled and pressed her lips to Olivia's cheek in a kiss.

"Thank you, Mrs. Carter," Olivia responded.

"Madeline, lovely as ever," Cal took her hand and gave her a sweeping kiss on her outstretched hand.

"Caledon," she smiled warmly at him. "As debonair as usual, I see."

"Hockley," Hawthorne shook his hand and then bowed to Olivia. "Please, come and enjoy yourselves. Refreshments are being served in the reception room."

"Thank you," Cal bowed and then he took Olivia's arm as they continued on their way inside."This should prove to be an interesting night," Cal whispered in her ear.

He didn't know how correctly those prophetic words were going to be.


	28. Chapter Twenty Eight

**Just wanted to let you guys know I added a much needed scene in Chapter 27 in the first section, in the second half of the chapter. I had totally forgotten about Olivia's 'pregnancy' and that I had not dealt with the results, lol. So, forgive me for my faux pas and go back and read if you want to know if she is or isn't…. **

**Chapter Twenty Eight**

The soft music wafted around them as they entered the main ball room. Olivia glanced around as she and Cal stepped deeper inside and was caught up in the splendor of the atmosphere. The crystal chandeliers were blazing brightly overhead sending a shimmering glow across the ostentatious display of dancers as they moved around the room.

Every color, hue and gem was displayed with pride among them. No one had spared any expense in playing the part of a royal in the Court of Louis the Fourteenth. The air fairly crackled with excitement as they moved through the room. As they passed, they nodded to acquaintances, stopping every little bit to chat among them.

"Olivia, Cal, so glad you could come," Charlotte said as she approached them. She took Olivia's hands and kissed her cheek. Charlotte was as beautiful as always, but being dressed as she was in a deep green and gold gown only enhanced her beauty. Her dark hair was swept back from her face in a most becoming way and her green eyes sparkled with merriment.

"Charlotte, how lovely you are tonight," Cal drawled and lifted her hand to his mouth. "You must promise me a dance later."

She laughed huskily and pulled her hand back. "My card is full, but I might if Olivia doesn't mind."

Olivia only smiled, slightly embarrassed at her husbands display. "I'm sure I don't mind, Charlotte. Have you seen Thalia?"

"Yes, Mr. and Mrs. Wentworth arrived a short while ago. I'm sure she's around here somewhere. I must continue on with my hostess duties. Aunt Madeline is watching me like a hawk," she rolled her eyes. "She's sure I'm going to humiliate her and Uncle Hawthorne tonight, but I promised to be on my best behavior."

Olivia grinned at her. "Charlotte, I have no doubt you can be the loveliest hostess around."

"Tell that to Aunt Madeline," she shook her head. "Anyway, I must move on, I'm sure I will see again before the night is over. Have fun, Olivia. Glad to see you out and enjoying yourself," she winked before she sailed off into the crowd.

"Charlotte has grown to be quite beautiful," Cal commented as she turned back to him.

"Yes, she is. How lovely of you to notice," she quipped lightly.

"Do I detect a hint of displeasure?" he raised an eyebrow as spoke, but kept a smile on his face.

"Of course not," she replied and smiled back. "Just merely being an observant wife."

Cal studied for a moment and then nodded. "Yes, I do believe so," he answered. "I'm going to find the bar. Care to join me?"

"No, I'll stay here if you don't mind."

"Suit yourself," he nodded before turning to leave her. She watched him disappear among the crowd and let out a frustrated sigh. The last thing Cal needed was more to drink, but she dared not say anything to him.

Time passed slowly for Olivia, who stood back watching the festivities but did not participate. Without Cal with her, she felt out of place and self conscious of standing alone. When he didn't return after nearly an hour, she decided to go look for him. There were only so many places he could be, so she set out to look for him among the brightly dressed guests. As she moved through the crowd she thought she heard her name being called. She turned to the sound of it and was immediately surprised by the person she saw coming toward her.

"Nelson?" she said in astonishment. Nelson Hockley was Cal's cousin, his father being Nathan's brother, Franklin's only son. She hadn't seen him since their wedding as he traveled quite extensively abroad and was very rarely in the states anymore.

"Olivia, I thought that was you," he smiled broadly and pulled her close for a kiss on the cheek. "How is my lovely cousin?"

"Just fine," she answered with a short laugh. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, that is a bit of a story, one I will tell later. Suffice it to say, I was only home two days when I was spotted by Charlotte and she insisted that I attend tonight."

"Does Cal know you're here?" she linked her arm into his as they continued to walk. Nelson was the most unpretentious of the Hockley's and the one relative that Olivia actually liked. He had inherited his fortune upon his father's death and lived his life as flagrantly as one would imagine.

"No, I dare say not. My cousin and I don't exactly get along that well, as you know. I assume he's here among these other prancing peacock's somewhere."

"Yes, I was only just looking for him," she replied, turning away from him so as not to show the weariness of the situation upon her face.

"Tell me, has he gone completely daft? Why has he left you alone? If you were my wife, I wouldn't let you out of my sight," he told her in the most gregarious of fashions. Laughing, Olivia shook her head.

"Cal is a bit more social than myself, I suppose."

"I can't wait to see the look on his face when he sees me… won't that be fun?" he grinned wickedly to her.

"Nelson, you are too much," she shook her head in mock exasperation.

"Yes, isn't it wonderful?" he winked as they continued making their way through the crowd. When they neared the perimeter of the ballroom floor, Olivia saw several people turn to her with first wide eyed expressions and then uncomfortable glances. Frowning, she looked up at Nelson wondering what in the world was going on.

Nelson paused for a moment and she felt him tense next to her. He let his reluctant gaze fall on her. "Olivia," he said her name quietly. She looked in the direction he had turned away from and that's when she saw them. Her breath nearly expelled completely from her body at the sight of her husband dancing almost erotically with another woman. Their bodies were pressed tightly together and his hands were so low they were nearly cupping her bottom. He was whispering in her ear while she giggled and ran her hands inside of his jacket.

"Oh my…" she breathed as more and more people either turned to her or away from her in embarrassment.

"Stay here," Nelson ordered and pushed through the throng. Feeling as though it were happening to someone else, she slowly walked forward coming closer to Cal and Nelson, watching as Nelson hotly confronted him.

"You fool! Don't you care about your wife at all?" Nelson asked in a tightly controlled voice. "Don't you understand the humiliation you've brought on her?"

Cal hesitated for a moment, but quickly regained his composure. "Don't lecture me, Cousin. What I do inside or outside of my marriage is my business alone."

"For God's sake, Cal… show some decency," Nelson implored of him. "I suggest you leave now and save yourself from further embarrassment."

"Don't tell me what to do," he shoved aside the woman he was holding away from him. "No one tells me what to do."

"Think about Olivia, then!" Nelson grabbed him by the jacket. "Does she deserve this?" he questioned but then paused for a moment, truly taking in Cal's appearance. "Your drunk," he pointed out accusatorily.

"Take your hands off of me," Cal shoved him back. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"That is not important at the present. I'm taking you home to sober you up," he shook his head in disgust.

It was then that Cal saw Olivia and his face darkened. "You brought him here, didn't you? You tried to humiliate me."

"She did no such thing," Nelson stepped in and took him by the arm. "Either we leave now or I'll have no choice but to physically take you out. If you're not concerned about your own reputation, then at least be concerned for your wife's and your family's."

"Cal, please," Olivia finally found her voice. All eyes had now turned to them, taking in every word that was said. She felt a hand on her arm and looked around to find Charlotte there next to her.

"Cal, I'm asking you to leave now," Charlotte said firmly. "I think enough has been said and done for one evening."

Cal glared at them all and jerked his arm away from Nelson. He moved forward, stumbling a bit as he did. "Come along, Olivia. I'm afraid we've out stayed our welcome."

Olivia didn't move. She couldn't. She didn't want to go with him, but at the same time she couldn't stay. Nelson thankfully took the decision out of her hands.

"She'll be along after while. For now you're coming with me. Charlotte," he turned to her and glanced over at Olivia. "Will you take her upstairs? Take her out of here?"

"Yes, of course," she nodded and took Olivia by the arm. She led her out of the room with everyone turning away from her, shaking their heads uneasily. No doubt their tongues would be wagging for weeks about this spectacle. Embarrassment flooded her as they exited the room.

"Never mind them, Olivia. It doesn't matter what they think," Charlotte said comfortingly, but they both knew it was a lie. It very much mattered what they thought. News of this would be spread like wildfire, it was only a matter of time.

They had only gotten a little ways out of the room when she saw a movement in the shadows. Patrick stepped out and stared at her, his dark green eyes boring into hers. How she wanted to run to him in that moment. She wanted to feel his strong arms around her, comforting her. But, she did nothing but allow Charlotte to walk her up the stairs.

Once in the room, Charlotte led her to the bed and sat her down. "Liv, I'm going to find Marietta and get you something to drink. Lie down here for a while and I'll be back shortly." Nodding, too numb to respond, she did as Charlotte said and laid back on the soft bed, closing her eyes while trying to close her mind to all that had transpired.

Moments later, she felt a hand on her cheek and opened her eyes to see Patrick sitting on the bed next to her. Her eyes widened as she sat up in shock. "Patrick, what are you-?

He placed his finger on her mouth preventing her from speaking. "We only have a few minutes. I had to make sure you were okay."

She immediately lowered her head and pressed her fingers against her forehead. "I don't know if I'm okay… I don't know anything anymore. My life is totally out of control and I'm so angry I want to scream."

"Olivia, this has got to come to an end. You can't keep living like this," he replied cupping her face.

She laughed sarcastically then, turning away from him. "Aren't we something, though? I've asked myself, what right do I have to be upset with him when I'm practically doing the same thing?"

Patrick looked at her as if she had slapped him. "Don't say that to me, Olivia. What we have is nothing in comparison to what he was doing. That man doesn't have any respect for you or your marriage. What we have is not wrong because it's love. I love you and you love me and there can be no wrong in that."

Olivia closed her eyes to him and firmly set her jaw. "Yes, I love you and I can't deny that, but seeing him tonight… seeing all of those faces… the way they were looking at me. If anyone even suspected about us, it would only add fuel to the fire. Don't you understand that?"

"Then leave with me, Olivia. We'll take the twins and get away from here, we'll start a new life where no one knows who we are," he forced her to look at him. "You deserve better than this."

"Do I?" she asked flatly. "I think I'm getting exactly what I deserve."

A noise outside the door alerted them to Charlotte returning. In an urgent tone, Patrick cupped her face and brought her close to him. "I love you and nothing you say or do will ever change that. We've done no wrong and I won't let you feel guilty about us. Do you hear me?"

She gave no answer for she had no answer to give. Patrick kissed her quickly, but passionately before he pulled away and hurried over to the balcony door. He stared hard at her and shook his head. "Don't give up on us, Olivia," he said and then he stepped through the door just as the other opened and Charlotte and Marietta came in.

"Olivia, your mother and father are on their way up. I'm afraid your mother is terribly upset," Charlotte told her as she came deeper into the room. "She's fit to be tied."

Olivia felt her burden grow heavier with that bit of information. Constance wasn't going to be thrilled with this turn of events and in Olivia's present state of mind she was in no mood to handle her mother or the drama that was sure to ensue. Before anyone could react, Olivia stood to her feet and pressed her hand to her middle.

"No, tell my mother I've left already and I'll talk to her later. I have to get out of here and I have to get out of here now," she told her shaking her head.

Sensing Olivia's urgency, Charlotte nodded and led her to the opposite door leading to a sitting area. "If you go out this way, you will find a flight of stairs that lead down to the kitchen. No one will see you. I'll take care of your mother, don't you worry. I've taken on bigger personalities than hers."

Giving Charlotte a quick hug, she and Marietta made their way down the staircase and to the waiting Daimler, as Nelson had taken Cal in his own. She didn't know what awaited her at home, but knew without a doubt that this night was far from over… far, far from over.


	29. Chapter Twenty Nine

**Hey everyone, just wanted to say thanks for the reviews... as usual they were awesome. And, I also want to tell everyone that this is the next to the last chapter of this story. Chapter 30 will be the last of Olivia. It has been so fun doing this and my creativity has grown in leaps and bounds, but it's time to end her story. 30 chapters is long enough for a story and I promise to end this with a bang. The next chapter will be worth the wait and turmoil I've put my poor Olivia through. Hope you all stick with me until then. Thanks!**

**Tipper**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty Nine**

Cal kicked open the door to the parlor with Nelson right on his heels. He stalked over the bar and threw off the lid to the decanter.

"Cal, I brought you home to sober you up, not watch you drink yourself into a stupor," Nelson slammed the door.

"Get away from me, Nelson," Cal snarled and sloshed the alcohol into the tumbler. "Isn't there a beach in the Riviera waiting for you?"

"I think it you will find why I'm home more interesting," Nelson retorted.

"I could care less why you're home."

Nelson shook his head as he came to stand in front of him. "You are a fool, Cal. You have everything a man could ever want and yet you treat it like it's nothing. You're careless and reckless and it's come home to haunt you."

Cal snorted and slammed the tumbler down. "What would you know about it? You know nothing of my life. You've been too busy cavorting all over Europe wasting your money on God only knows what. Do me a favor, Nelson. Don't come here with your sanctimonious speeches telling me what a good life I have. You know nothing," he retorted and picked up the decanter. Nelson grabbed it from him and threw it behind the bar, shattering the glass against the wall.

"You've had enough, Cal," he gritted. "I know what's going on here alright. I know everything about why you're drinking yourself into a stupor every night. I know about the money and your wife and the sons she was supposed to deliver. I know everything," he told him. "It's despicable to think of how you two have manipulated that poor girl."

"Nelson, so help me, if you don't leave…" Cal growled as the two men faced each other.

"I also know that she hasn't gotten pregnant since the fall when she miscarried. Yes, my dear cousin, I know it all. It seems my uncle has been coming down hard on you to produce more heirs and you can't deliver the goods. So, where does that leave Olivia? She's only one of the victims in all of this. If the girl had a modicum of sense she'd leave you and never look back."

"Why you," Cal grabbed his coat while raring back with his other arm. "Get out of my house!"

Nelson shoved Cal back and gripped his hands into fists at his side. "I'm not leaving until you hear what I have to say."

"I can't imagine anything you have to say would interest me in the least," Cal retorted as he adjusted his collar and jerked down his jacket.

"How wrong you are, Cousin."

"Nelson, I've had quite enough of you for one night. If you don't leave, I will have you thrown out, family or not."

"Tell me, Cal," Nelson started. "When is the last time Julia crossed your mind?"

Cal paled slightly as his head jerked around to Nelson. "What did you say?"

"Julia… don't tell me you've forgotten her already."

* * *

Olivia and Marietta entered the foyer and into the Hall. The lights were dim and all was quiet until she heard the sound of crashing glass. Stopping at the foot of the staircase, she turned to Marietta and bit her lip.

"I'm not sure I want to know what is going on in there," she said quietly.

"Miss Olivia, please come upstairs," Marietta implored. "You would only be hurting yourself if you go to him. He's hurt you so much already."

Nodding in agreement, Olivia took her hand and squeezed it. "I know, but he's still my husband. Whatever is going on, I must know about it. You go on upstairs, I'll be along shortly."

Frowning, Marietta slightly shook her head, but did as Olivia instructed her. When she was finally alone, Olivia walked to the door, ready to open it when she heard Cal and Nelson's raised voices.

"Julia… don't tell me you've forgotten her already?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Cal laughed nervously.

Olivia listened her husband's reaction to Nelson's question, wondering why he was suddenly sounding so strangely.

"Don't you?" Nelson asked quietly. "Do you even care to know what happened to her?"

Cal's voice became more agitated. "Is there a point to this, Nelson?"

"She's dead," Nelson landed the statement cold and hard. "I was with her in the end. She died with your name upon her lips. She loved you until the end of her life and you…" he paused for a moment, "and you didn't even have the decency to care about her or the child she carried."

What? Olivia's mind reeled as the impact of Nelson's words hit her. What was Nelson talking about?

"Nelson, not one more word. This is not the time-"

"This is exactly the time," Nelson cut him off. "She came to me, you know, when she found out she was pregnant. She was scared, afraid of what you would think."

Olivia covered her mouth with her hand. The corseted gown she had on felt tighter than ever as she fought to breathe. Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. She leaned in closer to hear what was being said more clearly.

"I refuse to discuss this-" Cal started but was quickly cut off my Nelson once again.

"She said you called her a whore and the child she carried a bastard and you wanted to nothing to do with either one. Did you honestly think this would just go away, Cal? Did you think that you could get her pregnant and then walk away without another thought?"

"What I do, is quite frankly, none of your business," Cal snapped tightly. "How dare you show up here and start accusing me of such things."

"I dare because I watched her die! She lay there calling YOUR name. She hoped until the last that you would show up knowing you wouldn't."

"What do you want from me, Nelson? Sympathy? I have none to give. She made her choices as I did."

"You despicable piece of filth," Nelson said in a low, dark voice.

"Call me names if it makes you feel better," Cal laughed coldly. "It won't change anything that has been done. It won't bring her back."

"You are unbelievable," Nelson's voice changed to that of incredulity. "Do you honestly feel nothing in all of this? It was your child she carried, Cal."

"How do I know that for sure? Because she said so? It could have been anyone's," he said in a dismissive tone. "It could have been yours for all I know."

Olivia fell softly against the door as all that Cal said settled like a heavy weight on her heart. Who was this woman? When did this happen? It must have been recent or else why would Nelson be here? Every fiber of her being wanted to storm in that room and confront Cal about it.

"She was _your_ mistress, it was you she loved, it was _you_ she wanted. I was only there as her friend and her confidante."

"Lovely… see yourself out, Nelson. You've conveyed your message and your duty is done."

"Yes, but yours isn't," Nelson threw out. "The child survived if you're interested."

Silence like the heaviness of water fell over everything. Olivia's mouth fell open in spite of trying to keep herself composed. NO! her mind screamed. It was too much, too, too much to bear. Flinging herself from the door she ran up the stairs, the tears now streaming freely down her cheeks.

When she reached the top she fell against the banister and took in great gulps of air. Her eyes darted wildly around the landing while her mind raced in confusion. Oh God! She had to get out of there, she had to leave. She could no longer stay in this house with him. It was impossible!

She ran to her room and called out for Marietta, who promptly came out.

"Miss Olivia?" she said as Olivia jerked at the dress she had on.

"Get me out of this! Undress me now!"

"Yes, ma'am," she nodded quickly and began to help her out of the constricting costume. "Miss Olivia, is everything okay?"

"No," Olivia answered shortly. "No, it's not. Hurry, Marietta!"

"Yes, ma'am," she became silent and went to her task with efficiency. When she was finally free from the costume she pulled her dressing gown on and ran out into the landing to the nursery.

"Olivia?"

She quickly turned to the whispery voice and saw Patrick step onto the landing from the staircase. "Patrick!" she ran to him and flung herself in his arms. Her whole body shook uncontrollably when she felt his strong arms circle around her and hold her.

"What's the matter? What's going on?"

"Get me out of here, Patrick," she cried into his neck. "I don't care where we go, just take me away from this place."

"Olivia, what is going on?" he pulled back to look at her. Then his face turned dark. "He didn't hurt you, did he?"

"I can't… I can't talk about it, yet. Just please take me away from here."

"Olivia…"

"Please, Patrick!" she grabbed his shirt front. "I can't stay here any longer."

Sensing her urgency, he shushed her and pulled her close to him. "We can't stay out here, it's too risky. Follow me," he took her hand and led her down the hallway to the west wing into an unused guest room.

When they entered the room and he shut the door, she fell against him and let the tears flow unchecked. He held her, letting her cry until the sobs turned to small sniffles.

"Are you going to tell me what happened?" he asked quietly in the darkness.

"Someday maybe, but I just can't… not right now," she sniffed and held him tighter. "Just believe me when I say I can't stay here any longer. Please, please take me away. I'll go anywhere with you. I don't care where it is as long as I'm with you."

"Okay, okay," he soothed her and cupped the back of her head. "But, we can't leave right now, Olivia. We have to plan this. The timing has to be right."

"Soon, it has to be soon," she said firmly.

"Soon, I promise…"


	30. Chapter Thirty

**Hey guys! Well, I finally updated and guess what? This is not the last chapter, lol. It was going to be, but I got a bit carried away so there will be ONE more chapter and then it will end. I hope you like this chapter and I want to give a big thanks to Lilly for her input and help. I also want to thank all of you for the reviews I received, not only for the last chapter but the story asa whole.**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty **

The house was quiet. Cal leaned back in his large leather chair behind his desk and closed his eyes against the low glare of the lamp. It was after midnight and sleep had been hard in coming. His mind was full of too many things he'd rather forget. He lifted the tumbler and took a sip of the brandy, hoping the alcohol would numb him and keep him from thinking of them all, but no matter how much he drank it did not.

He stared at the drawer to the right of him and felt his stomach clinch. He usually kept the drawer locked but tonight he had unlocked it. It had been months since he had even felt inclined to open it. Finally, he sat forward and slowly slid it open to look at the contents inside. He lifted the frame from the drawer and sat it on his desk.

Rose.

She smiled softly back at him, her beautiful features frozen in place. He thought he had finally put her behind him, but everything that had taken place as of late had brought all of his failures back to him and much as it still irritated him, she was one of them. If she had stayed on the boat, if she had not run back to that gutter rat she would have lived and everything would have been different. It had all been because of her. His life, his failures… they all stemmed from her. If she had lived he would not have turned to Julia and he would not have married Olivia, that much he was certain of.

Sighing, he lifted the frame and brought it close to his face, glancing over Rose's features that, over time, he had memorized. He would take it all back if he could have but one more chance with her. To him, Rose would always be everything he thought he wanted in a woman, what he thought he wanted his wife to be. He would take things slower and show her that he was more than what she saw. He had tried to show her that night in her cabin on the Titanic when he had given her the diamond, but even that had failed to make her completely his. Perhaps she would have never been truly his, but that hadn't stopped him from trying.

Cal stood and walked to the window, still holding the picture in his arms. He hadn't thought of these things in quite a while, he noted to himself. Perhaps it was Nelson's visit and news of Julia's death that had brought him back to this place. Or perhaps it was Olivia and the wall that had been in place since their return from California or even more, it could be his father's distasteful disappointment in him. Either way, he could trace where it all began to unravel back to that damnable ship and what had occurred there in the span of three and half days.

It had been because of that, that his life had taken a course that he had neither wanted nor asked for.

Julia… where to begin with that particularly unpleasant episode. So, she was dead. He supposed it was rather callous of him to be relived to hear it. It had not been his intention for things to go as far as they did and he certainly didn't intend for an illegitimate child to come of it. It gave him very little distress to leave her behind, after all she was but a housemaid at his grandfather's estate, certainly no one he would give any credence to beyond an intimate afternoon or two. She was a distraction in a very low period in his life and that she thought there could ever be more between them was of her own making.

And then there was Olivia. His wife… his beautiful, young and naïve bride. What had started out as a promising communion had turned to anything but. While she had many, many appealing attributes, she lacked one thing and that was the ability to keep him interested for very long. Oh, there were times he found her very alluring and even fancied himself in love with her, but always there was something there that drew him back and prevented him from taking that final emotional step.

However, she _was_ his wife and that alone made her his and because of that, he demanded loyalty and devotion from her to him and him alone. God help any man that tried to take that from him. It wasn't perfect, but he had invested too much into this marriage to let it fall apart. There were their children to consider… his son, Nathaniel, his heir who would one day take control of the Hockley empire as he would one day do. It was the natural order of things, for no one but a Hockley had ever been in control of the family business and if he had anything to say about it, there never would be.

* * *

Olivia released the deep breath she had been holding and brought the blankets up higher over herself. She had been lying there for hours trying to get to sleep with little success. She was restless and on edge about everything that had happened at the party and what she had learned about her husband after they had returned home.

To think all of this time he had been carrying on with another woman and not only that, but had a child by her. Now the woman was dead, their child was out there somewhere and he had acted as if it meant nothing at all to him. If she had felt distant from Cal before, it was nothing in comparison to what she was feeling now. She didn't really know him at all and she doubted that she ever would, but more than that, she no longer wanted to.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard a noise outside of the door. She sat up when she heard the door click open. Tenseness came over her, knowing it was probably Cal. In a matter of moments a sliver of light came from the opened door and into the room, broken by the shadowy outline of her husband filling the doorway.

"So, you're awake I see," he said in a low voice. "Bad dreams?" he asked, leaning against the door facing. "Or something else?"

She turned her head slightly away from him and shook her head. "Nothing I'd care to discuss at the moment. It's rather late and if you don't mind, I'd like to try and get some sleep," she replied with finality and went to lie back down, but he his dark laughter stopped her.

"You lie so beautifully, Olivia. It's quite obvious you can't sleep any better than me. You must have something on your mind, so why don't tell me."

Olivia watched as he came further into the room, he only staggered slightly, but it was enough for to see he had been drinking again. "I don't want to talk with you, Cal. It's late and you're drunk."

His face grew darker as he neared the bed and pointed his finger toward her. "Don't tell me what I am. I know precisely how much I've had to drink."

Olivia let out an annoyed huff and threw the covers back, sliding from the bed. "In that case you should know it was more than enough hours ago. Before we got to the party and you chose to humiliate me in front of everyone there."

Cal quickly darted his eyes away from her and scoffed loudly. "You're exaggerating the whole thing. We were merely dancing."

It was more than Olivia could take. Before she could stop herself, the words she spoke spewed forth bitterly. "Exaggerating the whole thing? Everyone at that party saw you pawing that woman like an animal. It was disgusting!"

Cal sliced his gaze to her. "I told you, we were merely dancing."

"It was more than dancing and you know it!" she threw at him. "Everyone saw you - everyone! You were all over her. How could you do that me?"

"Don't be ridiculous," he spat. "It meant nothing, it _was _nothing. Don't make it more than what it was."

"This is one time you won't get the upper hand. I'm not going to back down. What you did tonight was despicable not only to me, but to your entire family. You have shamed us all with your lecherous behavior."

Anger emanated all around him as he stared at her. "You forget yourself, Olivia. Perhaps I've been too lax in my duties as your husband as of late, perhaps I need to show who is still in control around here," he came forward and his dark eyes taking her in.

Olivia didn't move. "You don't frighten me anymore, Cal. I'm not the same naive girl you married… and I will no longer let you control me," she retorted defiantly.

He stood and stared at her, his features taking on an amused but decidedly ominous look. "You _have_ changed, Olivia. It's exciting, is it not, to challenge me this way? Does it make you feel powerful when you come against me like this?"

"What I feel is disgust," she flung back at him.

"Do you now?" he said as he slowly came toward her, his dark eyes never leaving hers. Olivia watched him as he moved closer to her, almost cat like now. Then with a wicked grin, he began to pull at the buttons on his shirt.

"What are you doing?"

"I should thinks that's quite obvious," he answered brazenly. "You're never more attractive than when you're angry as you are now, with your eyes blazing and fists clenched."

Her eyes widened as she began to back away from him. "No," she shook her head.

In one swift movement he had his shirt off and threw it aside. "You're my wife, I'm your husband. I'm perfectly within my rights to expect you to give me what is mine to have."

"No!" she held out her hand to ward him off. "Not this time. I won't let you do it, do you hear me? I won't let you to touch me!"

Cal stared at her for an intense moment and then turned away from her to walk back to the door. Relief flooded her for a moment, but it was replaced by a dreaded sensation when she saw what he was doing. He shut the door and turned the lock, the click of it echoing slightly around the room. He turned back to her, his features cold and hard even in the shadowy darkness. "You will not refuse me again."

"Cal, unlock that door," she said, trying to keep her voice steady. "I don't want you near me. I want you to leave."

"Leave?" he repeated and walked slowly toward her. "Leave my own room? Tsk, tsk, tsk… you underestimate me, Olivia. This is my house and you are my wife and I can do what I please with either of you… that's something I thought you understood by now."

Olivia moved away from him, but found no place to run. The only way out was the sitting room door, which he was firmly in front of. She tried to control her fear, but she could hear the rapid exertion of her own breathing. "Do you honestly expect me to let you touch me after what you did? You make me sick!"

"Be that as it may, I'm still your husband. If you won't give me what I desire, I will take it and as I said, I'm well within my rights to do so."

They stood facing one another. Fear, tension, uncertainty filled the air around them. Olivia eyes moved quickly around the room for any way of escape. Her heart was pounding wildly in her ears, but there was nothing she could do. He had trapped her.

He moved stealthily toward her, taking each step slowly and deliberately. She moved away from him with each step he took. "I won't allow you to touch me," she breathed. "Not this time and not… not when I know about Julia."

He froze then, his face registering the shock of her statement. "What did you just say?"

"You heard me," she answered unwaveringly. "I know about her and your affair with her. I know she's dead and I know about your child."

"You were spying on me?" he asked in angry disbelief. "How dare you!"

"How dare I? How dare you!" she cried in indignation, her anger and frustration taking over now. "You're nothing like the man I thought you were. You are loathsome and I can't stand the sight of you! No wonder Rose preferred to die than to spend her life with you!"

An angry growl ripped from him as he suddenly and cruelly lunged for her. Raring his hand back, he brought it back with such force that when the impact of hit her, she slammed into the wall and slid down it. Not giving her time to react, he was quickly over her hauling her up to face him. Olivia's head was swimming as blood trickled beneath her tongue.

"You will NEVER speak to me like that again, do you understand!" he gritted through his teeth. "Don't you ever mention Rose to me again. You aren't even HALF the woman she was."

"I don't care what you think of me," she answered between gasps, finding strength somewhere deep down inside of her. "You can do what you will to me, but from this moment on I am no longer under your control. One way or the other you'll pay for all you have done."

He huffed harshly and grabbed her face, jerking it up to his. "Is that some sort of threat?"

"Yes," she answered in a firm, cold voice.

He stared at her incredulously and shook his head as if he couldn't believe what he heard. He suddenly grabbed her arms, lifted her off the ground and slung her to the bed slamming his body on top of hers. "How dare you threaten me!" he hissed as he grabbed the bodice of her gown, ripping it down the front.

"No!" she screamed. "DON'T, CAL!" She began to kick at him, their bodies grappling frantically with each other. Olivia began to scream in earnest, letting her cries echo loudly around the room.

"Shut up!" he shouted as he shook her.

Olivia reached up and slapped his face as hard as she could, sending him backwards for a moment. She took the opportunity break free, clawing her way across the bed. But, she only went a few feet when he grabbed her around the waist and drug her underneath him.

"STOP!" she screamed hysterically when he tore at her gown again.

"Miss Olivia!" an urgent knock came at the door. "Miss Olivia, are you okay?" Marietta's concerned but muffled voice came through the door.

"Help me!" she screamed. "Please!"

"I said shut up!" Cal reared back to slap her again as the door exploded open. Marietta, Patrick and Angelina came running into the room taking in the scene before them. They all three stopped, frozen in their tracks at what they were seeing.

"Dear Lord, have mercy," Marietta audibly gasped as Cal slapped Olivia so hard, her head flung violently to the side and her body suddenly went limp. It was the last thing they saw before all hell broke loose.


	31. Chapter Thirty One

**Chapter Thirty-One**

Before anyone could even react, Patrick erupted in an angry growl and charged Cal, tackling him off the bed. Angelina screamed as the two men landed with a loud thud and began rolling across the floor. Grunting could be heard all around the room as they fought like mad men, both of them trying to take the upper hand.

"Miss Olivia!" Marietta cried and ran over to the semi-conscious Olivia. Her concern was for her mistress and not the two men as she scooted onto the bed and grabbed her hand. "Miss Olivia! Can you hear me?" she cried amidst the chaos in the room. "Miss Olivia!"

Olivia groaned and tried to open her eyes. "Help," she barely whispered. "Help me, please."

"Angelina! Help me get her out of here," Marietta motioned quickly to her friend, but the poor girl was frozen in fear as Patrick and Cal slammed into the dresser, sending items flying all around them. "Angelina!" Marietta shouted and began pulling on Olivia with all of her might.

Finally, turning to Marietta and seeing what she was trying to do, Angelina ran over to them and helped Marietta lift her from the bed. Olivia's head lolled backwards as she was lifted between the two women and half drug across the room and out onto the landing.

"To the nursery!" Marietta gasped and turned toward the nursery door.

Olivia groaned again as the pain of them jostling her filtered into her foggy senses. She felt as if she was floating and yet the pain she was feeling was making everything too real. When they reached the door, Angelina opened it and they led her inside. Sitting her down in a rocker, Marietta raced back and locked the door behind them.

"What about Patrick?" Angelina asked in a frantic cry.

"I don't know," Marietta answered shakily as she came back over to Olivia. "I can't think right now."

"What is the meaning of this?" Mrs. Ryan's voice broke the silence around them when she clicked on the nearby lamp. "What is going on here?" she asked harshly until she saw Olivia's limp body. "What in heaven's name?" she breathed.

"Mrs. Ryan, please help us," Angelina pleaded tearfully. "Mr. Hockley… he's gone mad."

Mrs. Ryan frowned as she came closer to Olivia and inspected her bruised and bloodied face. "He did this?"

Marietta stood to her feet and faced her. "He did and it's a good thing we got to her when we did. We have to help her, Mrs. Ryan."

Mrs. Ryan drew herself up and furiously shook her head. "Ladies, we must get Mrs. Hockley and the children away from here immediately. I will not work for a man who does this to his wife. Mr. Ryan, God rest his soul, couldn't stomach a man who beat his wife and neither do I."

"But how?" Angelina sniffed.

"Where is he now?" she asked as she looked down at Olivia again.

Angelina and Marietta looked worriedly at each other. "He and Patrick are in still in their suite." Marietta told her biting her lip. "Patrick attacked him when he saw Mr. Hockley hit her."

"Attacked? Oh, dear Lord," the older woman replied.

"We have to do something now!" Marietta spoke up.

Just then Olivia stirred. She had been listening to the conversation around her, although everything was still hazy. "Patrick," she moaned. "No, Patrick… he'll kill you."

Mrs. Ryan's eyes shot over to Marietta as the two women recognized the intimate tone to her voice. There was obviously something more going on than either woman suspected. Clearing her throat, Mrs. Ryan bent down in front of her. "Mrs. Hockley, can you stand? We have to get you out of here."

Olivia opened her eyes slowly and tried to focus on her. "My babies… Patrick. I can't leave them."

"No, no of course not. We'll get the babies, don't you worry" she assured her calmly. She motioned for the two ladies to gather the sleeping twins from their beds as she helped Olivia stand to her feet. They all made their way to the door, where Mrs. Ryan opened it slowly looking out onto the shadowy landing as she did. A sudden crash from the suite broke around them as the two men burst through the doors and fell onto the floor, their heaving bodies still grappling violently with each other.

Angelina screamed and stepped back, holding on tightly to Catherine as she did.

Cal stood warily, his breathing heavy and labored. "I should have listened to my father about you! He warned me, but I didn't listen!"

Patrick staggered to his feet as well and faced Cal. "When did you ever listen to anyone besides yourself! You're so full of yourself it's sickening."

Cal sneered and gripped his bruised fists tightly. "I will not stand here and listen to this any longer. Remove yourself from my home immediately and I don't ever want to see your face around here again!"

"You are a pathetic excuse for a man, Caledon Hockley." Patrick fired back with the same intensity. "You can beat up on your wife but when it comes to someone your own size and strength you prove yourself to be the coward you are."

"How dare you," Cal gritted. "No man calls me a coward and gets away with it."

"I dare," Patrick retorted heavily. "You think you're infallible because of your wealth and prestige when the reality is you are nothing but a slimy, twisted, conceited bastard who gets off on beating his wife. Well, I'm here to tell you, you will never lay another finger on her again…not as long as I have breath in my body."

Cal stared at him angrily for a moment and then suddenly something in his demeanor changed. He stepped back and looked at him as if something had just occurred to him. He narrowed his eyes on Patrick's face and he let out a ragged laugh. "You're in love with her, aren't you?"

Patrick never wavered in his stance. His cold eyes never left Cal's position. "She deserves better than you. You never cared about her, she was only a possession to you… something you could buy and own."

"My God!" Cal's laugh became louder with disbelief. "You're in love with my wife, MY WIFE, McBride. You ARE a fool, a bigger fool than I first thought."

Patrick gripped his fists at his side and stepped closer to Cal in the process. "You may have money and power, but that's not going to keep you from losing everything you deem important. I'm taking Olivia and the twins away from here and if you try and stop me, I'll kill you."

The silence that followed crackled the air like electricity. "You have truly lost your mind if you think that will ever happen," Cal replied in a hard, flinty voice. "I could care less about Olivia, but you will not touch my children, especially my son."

Olivia, who had finally recovered enough to be aware of what was happening, flinched at Cal's harsh words. There it was, the cold, hard truth. Cal had never cared about her and the revelation of that was harder than she thought it would be. When she thought of the many times she had wanted, hoped and dreamed of a happy life with him and their children she counted herself a fool now for it. With a determined sigh, she lifted her head. She was no longer going to be his whipping post, she was no longer going to let him decide what was best for her or her children ever again. From now on, she was in control and it was time she let him know it. She stepped forward but was held back by a fearful Marietta.

"No, Miss Olivia! Please," she shook her head.

Olivia lifted Marietta's hand from her arm and turned her fierce gaze onto Cal. With a shaky but loud voice, she slowly came out of the shadows. "You have forgotten one thing, Cal. They're MY children, too and I WILL leave with them."

Cal and Patrick turned in unison to Olivia. Her face was swollen on the side Cal had hit her and she even winced once in pain, but she stood tall and determined as she faced her husband.

"What in the-" Cal started and that's when he noticed Angelina, Marietta and Mrs. Ryan holding the now squirming twins, all who were staring at them. "What is going on here?" he thundered.

"I'll tell you what's going on here," Olivia answered coldly as she came to face him. "I'm leaving you. Here and now. I'm taking my children and I'm leaving."

"Are you insane?" Cal gasped angrily. "You aren't going anywhere and neither are my children."

"That's where you're wrong, Cal. I **am** leaving and you will not stop me," she said shaking her head. She turned to the frightened women and motioned to them. "Angelina, Marietta, take them downstairs."

"NO!" Cal shouted as he stepped forward. "You will not move even one inch! I forbid it!"

Mrs. Ryan placed her arms around the two women and the babies, ushering them down the stairs away from the scene that was taking place. She glared at Cal over her shoulder and shook her head as they descended down the staircase.

"Come back here! I will have your heads for this!" Cal shouted agitatedly.

"It's too late, Cal. It's too late! I gave you chance after chance and it was not enough - **I **was never enough. Well the time is come when I've HAD enough!" she yelled at him. "I'm tired of the games and the lies and I'm tired of YOU, Cal. I'm sick and tired of YOU!"

Cal growled angrily and lunged for her, but was immediately stopped by Patrick's fist when it slammed into his stomach. Air expelled from his gullet as he doubled over, but Patrick gave him no time to react. He came up hard and slammed into his face sending him sprawling backwards into the wall, crashing into a large framed family photograph of them.

With a loud cracking sound, the picture shattered all over the floor sending chards of glass everywhere. Patrick then ran over to him and straddled him, grabbing his hair in the process. Once more, he slammed his fist into his face, flinging Cal to the side facedown into the glass.

"Patrick!" Olivia cried and came rushing forward.

"Get back, Olivia!" he breathed heavily as he held out his hand.

Suddenly, Cal lunged forward holding a piece of the broken glass in his bare hand. "You piece of filth!" he shouted as he swung up, barely missing Patrick's face by mere inches.

"No!" Olivia screamed and jumped between them, throwing herself on Cal. He lost his balance and the two stumbled backwards, falling on the floor with Olivia landing on top of him. "I hate you!" she screamed and began pounding on him with her small fists.

Cal grunted and grabbed her flailing arms. He growled and threw her off of him, rolling so that he was the one on top. He pinned her hands above her head and snarled into her face. "Do you honestly think I'm going to let you leave here alive? No court in the land will convict me when they learn what a heartless adulterer you were and how you chose your lover over your children."

"Get off of me!" she bucked wildly beneath him and in a matter of seconds that is precisely what he did… but not of his own accord. Patrick tackled him from behind and they landed with a thud precariously close to the staircase.

"Run Olivia!" Patrick shouted as he and Cal rolled back and forth, both trying to get in hits when and where they could. Olivia heaved herself up and watched in horror as they rolled one time too many and fell over the first step which sent them flying down staircase. She ran to the banister and looked on frantically as they came to a stop halfway down. On staggering feet, Patrick stood and focused on Cal's prone body. With one final blow, he reared back and slammed into his face. Heaving heavily, he waited for retaliation, but Cal was out.

Patrick stumbled backwards and fell into the railing, gasping for breath but never taking his eyes off his nemesis. Olivia came down the stairs with a cry and grabbed him, burying her face into his shoulder. "Oh God! You're alright." He held her with one arm and nodded through his breaths.

"I'm fine, but this is not over. He won't stop, Olivia, he'll never stop. He's ruthless, manipulative and cold. I've seen it too many times before."

"It doesn't matter. I'm never coming back," she intensely shook her head. "Let's just go. I want to leave this place."

Patrick hesitated for only a moment more and then he nodded and released a deep breath, glaring down at Cal. "He'll never hurt you again, I promise."

Olivia gave him an emotional smile and then wrapped her arm around his middle to help him and they descended the stairs where the three women and the babies were waiting for them in the Hall. When they reached the bottom Mrs. Ryan stepped forward.

"I have summoned the car around, Mrs. Hockley. You and your children will soon be gone from here."

"Thank you, Mrs. Ryan. I truly appreciate it."

"Quickly, we must go outside. Don't you worry. I will take care of Angelina and Marietta. My sister lives close by and we will be going there just as soon as you're safely away."

"I don't know how to thank you," Olivia reached over and gave the woman a hug.

"Now, now, there's no time for emotions. You just take care of those precious children. I've grown quite attached to them and I don't want to see any harm come to them."

Nodding, Olivia let Patrick lead her outside. Just as the door was opening, a commotion was heard behind them. Suddenly, Cal came half stumbling down the stairs, pointing a finger at them. "Olivia! I will destroy you if you leave, do you hear me! I will DESTROY you!"

"Hurry," Mrs. Ryan pushed on them through the door just as the car came around. They ran over to it and scrambled inside, lifting Catherine and Nathaniel in with them. The driver, Martin, threw the car in gear sending gravel flying behind him. Olivia turned around to look out of the rear window. Cal came stumbling out of the house and after giving them chase, finally fell on his knees. With one final cry, he threw his head back and began to scream, "Olivia!"

As he grew farther and farther away, she turned back and closed her eyes. It was over. She was free. She brought her children close to her and kissed them on their heads as Patrick did the same to her. Holding each other tightly, they drove into the night… and with them came the light of hope, freedom and most importantly, love.

**THE END**

**There will be a short epilogue following this last chapter to tie up lose ends. I hope you liked my story and please, please REVIEW. It's my last hurrah after all, lol…**


	32. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

**_September, 1915_**

"…by the power vested in me by the state of Pennsylvania, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss your bride." Father Spencer concluded with a smile.

Olivia turned away from him to her new husband and grinned sweetly. Patrick released the deep breath he had been holding, the emotions of the moment threatened to overwhelm them. He cupped her face and brought his mouth down over hers in a firm but gentle kiss. She held him tightly, never wanting it to end.

"Now, your mine," he whispered when he pulled back. "I love you, Olivia."

"I love you, too," she replied thickly when the tears formed in her eyes. She smiled and blinked them away. "I'm not going to cry, I've shed enough tears to last a lifetime."

Patrick kissed her again and they turned when the priest announced them to their friends and family, or what part of their families that were present. Constance refused to attend much to Olivia's sadness, but nevertheless she still loved her mother even if she couldn't accept what had happened.

Olivia knew how much her mother was devastated when she told her, her marriage to Cal was over. Constance was infuriated over her decision and became belligerent when Olivia refused to go back. It was then that Constance locked herself in her bedroom for five days and wouldn't come out. It was very hard for her mother to understand her reasoning and although she had eventually backed down from her stance, she told Olivia that under no certain circumstances would she ever accept the dissolution of her marriage to Cal.

With the line drawn in the sand from her mother, Olivia still went forward and filed for divorce within weeks of the night she left. Cal had come out fighting hard, however. His father had attained three of his own attorney's to take on the divorce proceedings.

The days spent in court were draining and stressful on Olivia, but after weeks and months of testimonies and evidence, the judge finally ruled in Olivia's favor and awarded her custody of the children and a divorce settlement that left her with several million dollars.

In quite a surprise to Olivia, Patrick was somewhat wealthy in his own right. He had inherited a large sum of money when his grandmother had passed away and had placed the money in several holdings, never touching it from the time he had acquired it. Now, it had built up and he had quite a tidy sum. Certainly nothing like the Hockley's, but it was enough to live most comfortably on.

Now, this their wedding day, was the happiest Olivia could remember being in a very long time. With her marriage to Cal behind her and her future with Patrick looking bright ahead, she could hardly contain the joy she felt in her heart. When she took his arm, she felt whole and complete. They were one, joined by the love they shared with each other.

As they walked down the aisle, Olivia saw many faces of the ones who had stood by her side through it all such as Nelson and Charlotte, who were engaged to be married now and Thalia and her new husband, Martin. She saw Emma and Joshua with their daughter, Caroline and her father, Charles with them. Close by were Marietta and Angelina who both had tears of happiness in their eyes as well. They were almost to the back of the church where Mrs. Ryan was sitting with Catherine and Nathaniel. She waved at them and threw them kisses as they headed for the double doors leading outside where a horse drawn carriage was waiting for them. Patrick held the train of her creamy lace dress and long veil and helped her up where he joined her moments later.

"Well, Mrs. McBride," he grinned contentedly. "We finally made it."

"Is it a sin to be this happy?" she asked as she took his hand and snuggled against him.

"No, if it is, then I'm doomed," he laughed. "By the way, did I tell you I love you?"

"Yes, but tell me again. I need to hear you say it."

"I love you, Olivia. I love you more than anything in the world."

Olivia smiled, reached over and kissed him softly. "I love you, too, Patrick."

_Forever and always…_


	33. Epilogue II

**This is an extra epilogue I did to complete Cal's story. It's rather dark and tells the sad ending of Cal's life. I felt it was something I needed to do and so, I did. For those who don't want any sadness to marr the 'feel good feeling' of the last epilogue, you can stop here, otherwise, read on. Thanks for all the reviews, thanks for all the encouragement and most of all thanks for taking the time to read my little story. You are all the greatest... much love,**

**Tipper**

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**Epilogue II**

**_November, 1929_**

It was raining…

The dark sky crackled with ferocity as a bolt of lightening split the air. Caledon Hockley hardly noticed it as he stood in front of the fireplace, staring absently down into the flames, which popped and hissed around the logs in an almost hypnotizing way.

Years of drinking had taken their toll on him. A few silver hairs were woven through the dark hair around his temples and deep lines creased his once handsome face. He was no longer the suave, charming young man he had been, but he was a broken and empty man… a shell of his former self.

In his hand he held what was most likely the end of his fortune, the one thing he had left. It was gone now, or it may as well have been. He had lost it all in a matter of days. His bloodshot eyes moved down to stare at the thin slip of paper that he had received from his investment firm. The lump in his throat was so huge he could hardly find enough energy to swallow. With a defeated sigh, he let go of it, letting it float down onto the floor with a small flutter where it landed quietly.

Stiffly and slowly he walked over to his desk and sat down behind it. He stared down at the desk. It had been his grandfather's and his father's before him. Great men, all of them. He was ashamed to place himself in their category now. They had done great things and what had he done? _What had he done besides ruin everything he had ever touched?_

Bitterness, like sour gall, rose in his throat when he thought of all the disasters in his life. One by one they came before him, haunting him like so many ghosts. Once, he had everything a man could ever desire, now he had nothing… and no one. He was alone. His father had died two years before and his mother had moved to Europe to live out the remainder of her days, citing that Philadelphia held too many memories.

He rarely saw his children, Catherine and Nathaniel. They were fifteen now and were too busy to visit with him. He supposed he could place that blame on his shoulders as well. He _could_ have made time for them, but had not. When they were younger he had tried to find time for them, but months would pass before he would see them and it had sometimes stretched into a year at a time. He was ashamed of that, yes, but that was neither here nor there now. What was done was done.

Olivia… pain he had tried to keep buried deep within him surfaced when he thought of her name. Time had a way of healing some wounds, but not always. She had been married to his former valet (he still couldn't bring himself to utter his name) for some years now after their messy and nasty divorce was final. She had ultimately won custody of their children and her freedom. He would have never thought it possible, but in the end, Olivia had been the one to truly find happiness while he had never attained it. Not since Rose…

He released a long, deep breath and closed his eyes. He was tired. He was so tired of his life, of everything _in _his life being wrong. It had been wrong for a long time and now he had nothing worth living for. He felt defeated and useless.

Cal sat for a moment and then he slid a creamy, thick piece of paper from the stack on his desk. It was boldly emblazoned with his name across the top in gold lettering. He lifted the pen from its holder and began to write.

_Olivia,_

_When you hear the news of this, I'm sure you will have many questions and will wonder what to tell our children. I wish I could give you the answers, but I have none to give. I am a man who has many regrets, but life does repeat itself and so I must live with the consequences of my actions. I have nothing now and perhaps that is fitting… perhaps I never deserved happiness at all. I am truthfully remorseful for all that I have done, but it somehow it is not enough. I must atone for my sins in the only way I know how. _

_What I have left that is of any monetary value, I give to my children. It is all I have to offer them. Tell my son to carry his name proudly and honorably. I am truly sorry for everything._

_Cal_

When he finished the letter, he folded it neatly and slid it into a matching envelope. In bold script, he wrote Olivia's name across the front. Then, he opened the drawer in front of him and peered down into it, looking at the small, black handgun he kept there. He lifted it, feeling the weight of it in his hand. He knew what he must do now. The empty, barren feeling that he had carried around with him would soon be gone. He blinked the tears away, it was too late for that anyway. He lifted the revolver to his mouth, pulled back on the trigger with slow, agonizing momentum. Closing his eyes, he swallowed once. It would soon be over…


End file.
